Page 32 of Am I the Only One

I fight so hard to get to the surface, only to have another wave crash down on me. I’ve been all over town, putting in applications in hopes of finding a job that will help pull me out of this mess I’ve created. But there is no out.

I’m fucked.

And if I’m fucked, then so is my brother.

He doesn’t deserve any of the shit life has piled on him. He’s a kind soul, and he needs me. It’s one thing for me to be on my own but not Matthew.

Another tear falls from the tip of my nose.

I’ve maxed out all my credit cards. I don’t even want to know the amount of debt I’m in, but it has to be well over forty thousand dollars. Even if I got a decent full-time job, I would make just enough to pay for Matthew. There probably wouldn’t be enough left over to pay off these cards that are racking up late fees with each passing month. I’ll never get my head above water. How will I ever afford a place of my own? Food? Gas? Clothing?

The sound of the door opening startles me, and I pop my head up to find a tall blonde step out onto the porch. She looks surprised to see me as she tightens her scarf around her neck.

“Hey,” she murmurs, to which I give a subtle nod.

She stares a beat too long as she takes in my splotchy, tear-stained face.

“Are you okay?”

Annoyance strikes like a machete. Rolling my eyes like a total bitch, I grab my phone, walk right past her without a word, and go back inside the house.

“Hey, Em. What’s up?” Luca says from the kitchen. His hair is mussed and he isn’t in anything but a pair of gym pants.

Hostility, jealousy, and frustration clog my veins, and I snap, “Just leave me alone,” as I make a beeline to my room, slamming the door behind me.

Leaning against the door, I heave as my heart pounds violently. I fall to my knees and release an ugly silent cry, but in my head, I’m screaming. Screaming for someone to save me.

Through the ringing in my ears, I hear a knock on my door followed by Luca asking, “Emma, are you okay?”

Mustering up any composure I possibly can, I respond, “Please, just give me some space, okay?”

He doesn’t respond, and I hold my breath for fear a wretched sob will break through. As soon as I hear his door close, I let out a slow and uneven exhale. Knowing we share a wall, I curl into myself and quietly cry. If Luca can hear me, he’ll just assume either I’m crying over my parents or school.

The tears are for so many more than those two reasons. More than he will ever know because I’m not that girl who dumps her problems on the people who surround her. No one needs to know how fucked up my life is.

After a crappy night, I have to drag myself into my even crappier job. I hate working retail and having to kiss ass just to make a little commission, but until I can find a full-time position elsewhere, I’m stuck.

I make my way to the back room where I shove my coat and purse into my mini locker. As I grab my punch card to clock in, my attention shifts to my boss as he peeks out of his office.

“Emma, can I speak with you before you clock in?” Wesley says.

“Umm, sure.” I slip my time card back into its slot.

“Please, have a seat.” He’s only a couple of years older than I am, but sadly, he prides himself as being the manager of this clothing store catering to high school kids.

“So, what do you want to speak to me about?”

“As you know, business has been on the slow side lately,” he starts, and I already know where this is going. “After a long discussion with corporate, I’m forced to make cuts.”

“Wes, please,” I beg, knowing that having this last thread of hope yanked away will be too much. “I need this job.”

“This isn’t an easy decision to make. You’re a great asset to the store, but this comes down to money.”

Everything comes down to money. The one thing I don’t have.

“Then get rid of Becky. That girl is always showing up late or calling in sick,” I tell him, desperate to change his mind. “The other night when we were closing, she spent the whole time in the break room talking to her boyfriend. She’s dead weight.”

“She’s also full time.”

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