Page 36 of Will You (Not) Marry Me

“That sounded like it went very badly,” Abbie said.

“What tipped you off?”

“The part where you never actually told her that you were pregnant. And also the part where you said some garbage about a job contract which I know is a lie. So what happened?”

Eva sighed, feeling so tired, so heavy, and sat down on the couch, the full brunt of reality that she’d been trying to ignore for the last couple of months finally hitting her full force. It felt like smacking face-first into a brick wall.

He was marrying someone else. Of course he was marrying someone else. Why wouldn’t he be? Eva didn’t want to be a part of his life and so she’d left. What was Finn supposed to do? Sit around the palace and government houses, withering away as a bachelor forevermore? He had his own life to lead. He could do whatever he wanted. He would probably be happier that way anyway, married to someone more suited to being the perfect princess and, eventually, the perfect queen. And Eva was going to come along and ruin his life all over again by telling him she was pregnant with his kid. She wanted a hole to open up in the earth and swallow her whole. It was what she deserved.

Eva didn’t really realize she was crying until Abbie got up and returned to the couch, handing her a wad of tissues.

“What happened?” her friend prodded.

“Uh, Finn is apparently engaged to someone new.”

“Oh, God,” said Abbie, flopping back against the cushions.

“I’ve made a mess of everything,” said Eva, face and neck burning. “I’m so stupid, Abbie.”

Abbie sat back up and wrapped her arms around Eva’s shoulders, and squeezed as tight as she could.

“It’s okay to make a mess sometimes, Eva,” she said softly. “Everybody does. Anyone who says they’ve never messed up is either a liar or a psychopath. Areyoua liar or a psychopath?”

Eva couldn’t help but laugh, a choked sound around her tears. “I hope not.”

“Well, then,” said Abbie, wiping tears from her friend’s cheek. “What matters is that you pick yourself up and clean up the mess. That’s what counts in the end.”

Eva took a deep breath and steeled herself. Abbie was right, of course. But this was going to be one super huge mess to clean up.

“So,” she said, sitting up as straight as she could, at least trying to fake some confidence. “What do we do?”

“We make a plan,” said Abbie. “And we stick to it even if it’s scary.”

“Especially if it’s scary,” Eva agreed, steeling herself for what was about to come.

CHAPTER17

FINN

Finn’s life had returned to normal startlingly quickly. The same old routines, the gala appearances, the meetings, the handshakes and the late nights. His parents, mostly his mother, had been less than thrilled at him calling off the engagement. It seemed like the king and queen of Skärov had felt much the same, and his reception back home to the palace had been icy, to say the least. No wonder Eva had been terrified to ever think about saying no.

It just hardened his resolve that he’d done the right thing in calling it off and freeing her to do what she really wanted. It didn’t make it hurt any less, though. That had surprised him, how much it had hurt to let her go. Six months ago, he’d never even met her. Just two months ago, he couldn’t stand the sight of her. And now that she was gone, it was like he’d been hollowed out inside. Like something was missing.

Maybe it was everything feeling the same as before he’d met Eva that was so depressing. She had the talent of being unashamedly herself, pushing the boundaries of royal etiquette as much as she could in an effort to be aperson,not just a princess. She had gifted him with lessons in how to start doing that for himself. She’d praised his ragtag little journal, the only thing that kept him properly sane, instead of dismissing it as a waste of time. She’d taught him to use a camera, persevering when he’d been less than a natural at it and editing his photos until they were finished, even though they would never be as good as hers. She’d treated him not like a prince but like a person. It had been such a new feeling at the time that Finn hadn’t realized how wonderful a feeling it was. And now he was worried he might never feel that way again.

All of these thoughts occupied Finn’s mind night and day, leaving him feeling like he was walking around in a cloud, slightly separate from everything else. Luckily, he had a lifetime of a perfect-prince mask to fall back on. For a while he thought it was working, too, that no one could see inside him and see how much he’d really changed. Before Eva—because that was the defining moment by which he measured all things now—he had tolerated his lot in life, never questioning it. But now, all he did was question it. Why must things stay the same? Why must they keep up with traditions that no longer serve them in this modern day? Why? Why? Why?

That evening there was a smaller sort of gathering within the palace. Not so much a party, but more of a formal dinner for extended family and friends. It still amounted to a rather large number of people wandering around and chatting with each other, clinking glasses and sharing gossip. The main topic of conversation was Finn’s new engagement, which would be announced publicly tomorrow. It was the national holiday in Eschenberg. There would be parades and crowds everywhere. His parents would be making their own appearances on the balcony facing the city earlier in the morning. Meanwhile, later in the afternoon, Finn would be making a live announcement on television, alerting the citizens of his country to his new engagement. An engagement to a woman who wasn’t Eva.

A princess from an even smaller country than his, but with an impossibly long royal lineage. She’d been more than lovely in the two phone calls he’d had with her so far. They really hadn’t talked of anything personal, even though Finn had tried to broach more intimate subjects. But Princess Camille had neatly sidestepped those topics for more polite conversation. What sort of public appearances she’d taken part in recently, statistics about her homeland, old family stories that Finn had been filled in on anyway and, to top it off, the weather of all things.

Just a few short months ago, he would have relished such a business-like, straightforward sort of engagement and a marriage that would be much the same. But now… Where was the fire? The teasing, the banter? Where was the challenge?

He didn’t think Eva had really changed his perspective on things all that much, not in the short amount of time that he’d actually known her. But the effects of her existence were undeniable. Finn didn’t know who he was anymore. All he knew was that he no longer felt comfortable in that perfect prince mask he’d crafted. It no longer fit him.

It made it difficult to greet everyone at the dinner, now milling about the drawing rooms with drinks. It made it especially difficult to accept their congratulations for a better marriage match as though he were happy about it. But if Finn refused another engagement that, technically, there was nothing wrong with, his parents may prefer to see him six feet under than on the throne.

For the rest of the evening, he was content to hang about on the sidelines, claiming tiredness, just watching everyone else talk. Then a tall, owl-like figure appeared at his side, and Finn knew that he was well and truly busted.

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