Page 34 of Will You (Not) Marry Me

“That long, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll leave you to pee on the stick in private,” said Abbie, patting Eva on the shoulder and closing the door with a click.

* * *

Five pregnancy tests later, three negative and two positive, and Eva was none the wiser, though she was pretty sure shewasactually pregnant. Too many of the symptoms lined up for her not to be. But “pretty sure”wasn’t really good enough in this sort of situation. So an uncomfortable visit to the doctor later, with Abbie insisting on waiting outside for her, she had a definitive answer. Pregnant. Definitely pregnant.

Eva stood outside in the cool wind, watching the traffic buzz by, trying to rally her thoughts.

“You okay?” Abbie asked.

Eva took a deep breath.

“Yes,” she said. And as she said it, she knew it was the truth. It surprised her, but she couldn’t deny that she was okay with suddenly being pregnant and on the track to motherhood.

She’d always been ambivalent about having kids. If anyone asked her if she wanted a family, she’d just say she didn’t know and wheedle her way out of the conversation. Not knowing had been how she’d honestly felt at the time. But now that the decision had been made for her, with no opportunity to dither about trying to decide what to do, she knew that she was happy with it. The terror of the unknown would probably hit her later, but overall, she knew this wasn’t a bad thing. Scary, yes. Bad, no.

“I can be a mother,” she said. “I can do this.” It sounded a little wobbly coming out of her mouth, but she still felt the truth in it. She could be nervous and sure at the same time.

“I think you’d be a great mom,” said Abbie, supportive as always. “AndI’mgoing to be afantasticauntie. I even promise not to let the kid eat paint. Not the toxic stuff anyways.”

“Gee, thanks. Appreciate it.”

“It’s going to take some adjusting to, is all,” said Abbie with a cheerful shrug. “Nothing you can’t handle. Just a change of plans.”

Hearing those words, in that particular order, was like being punched in the chest. Eva had to stop walking and take a breath, the other pedestrians moving around her. Abbie stopped too, reaching out a hand to tug on Eva’s sleeve.

“You sure you’re okay?”

This time Eva couldn’t answer because she didn’t know. She’d been too stubborn, too scared, to even consider changing neatly laid life plans in favor of something different. So yes, she was becoming the photographer she’d always dreamed she’d be. And she’d also lost probably the best shot at true love she’d ever get. Even so, getting to play out her original plans was now going to have to change if she was going to have a kid. It was like the universe was tossing her around, like a sick joke, just to teach her a lesson. The last percentage of resolve she had to keep Finn out of her thoughts crumbled and turned to dust.

“How do I tell Finn?

The carefree smile fell from Abbie’s face. Instead, she tugged on Eva’s sleeve, getting her moving again, even though Eva’s legs felt like concrete.

“Let’s talk about this at home,” Abbie said calmly, pulling Eva along beside her. “Big conversations are better had at home.”

“Okay,” was all Eva could think to say. Her earlier question ofhow do I tell Finncircled around and around her mind, taking up space on a never-ending cycle.

* * *

“Is it too dramatic to fly there and tell him in person?” Eva asked, pacing back and forth across their small living room, her hands fidgeting and pretty much out of her control.

Abbie screwed up her nose as she thought about it. “I mean, I’m all for dramatic… and in-person is always better than over the phone. But would Finn want that? From what you’ve told me, he sounds like a pretty relaxed sort of guy. Could he cope with dramatic right now?”

Abbie was more or less just speaking her thoughts out loud, but they hit true. Eva tried hard to think what Finn would prefer.

None of it wasthe immediate thought. He didn’t deserve any of it anyway. He deserved everything going right. Events happening smoothly and predictably. Not some ratty princess who clearly didn’t know what she really wanted out of life and realized these things onlyaftershe’d dragged everybody else into her mess.

“Maybe a phone call is the right thing to do,” she said.

Abbie nodded but still looked a little unsure. “It’s still, like, telling him properly. Better than texting or an email. But without the theatrics of showing up in person. Even though that has its benefits, too.”

“Yeah,” Eva agreed. In person, she wouldn’t be able to run away. If she was right in front of Finn, in the same room, looking up at him, knowing what he’d done for her, she knew that she would tell him everything without hesitation. Over the phone, though, the temptation to change the topic or simply hang up would be all too near.

“Make a practice call,” suggested Abbie, having a lightbulb moment, her eyes going wide as she sat upright.

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