Page 31 of Will You (Not) Marry Me

Constantly running away from the less appealing sides of royalty… It was exhausting. It was the sort of tired you felt deep in your bones. The understanding hit her like a truck that if she kept it up, this constant running, she was going to drop before she even hit thirty.

Finn had said it himself the other day; why couldn’t she do both? She’d been trying for so long to untangle herself from her royal life in order to be a photographer instead, to be her own person, and it just wasn’t working. Eva would always be Princess Eva of Skärov, whether she liked it or not. She would never be fast enough to outrun it.

Fingers still fiddling with the bumps and crevices of Finn’s sweater, she let herself look at the idea of going through with the engagement. It no longer terrified her, and that was answer enough, really.

She would get up and talk to Finn about it. That was all she could do; take the first step towards this new version of the future that no longer seemed so utterly bleak.

Eva crawled out of bed and wandered down the hall to the living area, where Finn was leaning against the dining table, hanging up the phone just as she entered. Her good mood vanished as soon as he turned towards her. He looked so serious that she wondered what could have possibly been said over the phone just now.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, suddenly feeling far too exposed with just his sweater on.

“Nothing,” he said with a small smile. But even with the smile, he looked somber. “I was just on the phone with my father.”

“Does talking to your dad usually leave you looking like a kicked puppy?” Eva asked with a halfhearted laugh, trying to fix the melancholy mood surrounding him like a cloud. He didn’t laugh back, just tilted his head a little in that way of his, no longer able to look at her, that half-smile now directed at his knees.

“Finn? What’s going on?” Eva was getting worried now. Had there been an accident? Had someone died? Had something gone terribly wrong at the palace, where both of their families were, while they’d been holed away up here?

He took a deep breath before answering.

“I just called off our engagement.”

Finn looked back up at her, and Eva didn’t even bother to ask if he was joking. She’d never seen anyone look that serious.

She felt… she didn’t know what she felt at hearing that. Confused, mostly.

“Why?” And why did she sound so sad asking that? It was over. She didn’t haveto go through with this at all. She didn’t have to resign herself to an arranged marriage just becauseit wouldn’t be that bad. Maybe it wasn’t sadness she was feeling; maybe it was shock. She still couldn’t quite comprehend the whole thing.

“Because…” Finn began, clearly choosing his words carefully. “You deserve so much better than being used for other people’s gain.”

He wasn’t looking at her, instead staring intently at the floorboards as he tried to pull sentences together. “They shouldn’t have done that to you,” he said, finally looking her in the eye, still looking impossibly serious. Eva had never felt so pinned down by someone’s gaze before; it felt like she was being pierced by arrows.

“I can’t…” he continued, “in good conscience, go through with this, knowing that you were forced into it. My parents at least had the decency to let me know they were looking for a suitable fiancée. I can’t imagine having it sprung on me like that. Being forced to be the scapegoat while everybody else got to carry on with their lives. They shouldn’t have set you up like that, Eva. They shouldn’t have expected you to give up the life you’d built to save their reputations. I’m sorry. I’m sorry you’ve had to go through all this. It wasn’t right.”

Eva’s face was burning all the way down to her neck, and now she was the one staring at the floor. He understood. He really, truly understood how much she’d been stuck. He didn’t hate her for how she’d acted. He didn’t think she was being selfish or childish by wanting to choose a life for herself. He understood. Just like last night, that simple act of understanding sent all her walls crumbling down and Eva tried desperately not to cry. She was so sick of crying.

Finn got up from his perch on the table and came over to her, folding her into his arms, his only intention to comfort her. Eva couldn’t help herself and burrowed her face into his chest, into the security and warmth of it.

“Thank you,” she said, almost too quiet to hear.

Finn placed a hand on the back of her head, just holding it there, another layer of comfort.

“It’s all right,” he said, and Eva could feel the words rumble in his chest. “Don’t worry about anything else, all right? If they want to get snarky and start asking too many questions as to why it didn’t work out, I’ll take the blame, okay? Any fallout that comes of this, just tell everyone it was my fault. You had no idea what happened. I just decided I didn’t want to marry you, okay?”

“You don’t deserve all the craziness that’s going to come of this,” Eva said, awed at his selflessness.

“Maybe not. But I’m willing to carry it. Because you don’t deserve that either.”

“You know you’re a good person, right?” Eva asked suddenly, pulling away a little to look up into Finn’s face. He needed to know that, and she wasn’t sure if anyone had ever told him outright. He looked down at her, a little confused.

“You are,” she repeated. “I don’t want you to ever think that you’re not. And it’s not… it’s not that I didn’t want to get engaged toyou.It’s that I didn’t want to get engaged toanybody,and…”

She was starting to ramble, and they both knew it. Finn just laughed softly and pulled her back into his chest, planting a gentle kiss on top of her head.

“You’re a good person too, Eva,” he said into her hair.

“I don’t feel like it. Not after all the mess I dragged you through.”

“You could have said no and damned the rest of your family, told the press that they were forcing you into it, sold yourself as the innocent princess being cornered into an archaic arrangement. You could have very easily done that and turned your back on all of them. But you didn’t, even after they left you with no choice and expected you to do this just because they said so. So ignore your feelings and just know that you’re a good person.”

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