Page 29 of Will You (Not) Marry Me

“It’s still pretty terrible,” she said quietly. “Because you never deserved it. You just happened to be in the firing line.”

“Then tell me why. Tell me the reasons. Then it won’t be so terrible anymore.”

She was crying properly now, eyes blurry as tears rolled down her cheeks. She ducked her head away from him, embarrassed and frustrated that this whole situation just seemed to be getting worse—more complicated and concrete by the second. Finn took those same warm fingers and wiped the tears from under her eyes, flicking them away.

Eva sniffed and pulled her hand from his, scrubbing angrily at her cheeks. She repositioned herself on the couch, crossing her legs and facing Finn with a determined frown on her face. He waited patiently for her to speak at her own pace, not pushing, just watching. She could be honest with him now. He deserved that much.

She took a deep breath and looked him in the eye. She wasn’t going to be a coward about it. Not now.

“I was… behaving like that because I was trying to get you to break off the engagement.”

Finn tilted his head to the side a little, his expression unreadable. “Why didn’t you just say that you didn’t want the marriage?”

His voice was flat, analytical, like this was all just a problem-solving exercise. His words didn’t hold an ounce of malice, not a hint of anger, and it made Eva feel even worse. She couldn’t hold his gaze anymore, looking back down at her hands. Once again Finn reached out and took her hand in his. She let him, craving the feel of them.

“Eva, if you didn’t want to get married, why didn’t you just say so?”

“Because I couldn’t just say no.”

“Why? Eva, tell me.”

Even now he wasn’t angry. He was concernedforher, his thumb going back to rubbing soothing circles over the back of her hand. Now that the floodgates had cracked open, she couldn’t stop the words from pouring out.

“Because Magnus had made such a mess of everything, he was dragging our whole family through the mud and every paper, every website had horrible photos up of my family and horrible headlines that were just lies. Well, the ones about Magnus weren’t lies really… he kind of deserved it. A little bit. But then there were pictures of me saying how I was the only good one left in the family. They kept calling methe littlest princess,which I’ve always hated, but then comparing me to my brother.”

She took a deep breath, swiping her free hand over her flushed face, the room too hot all of a sudden. Finn held onto her other hand, refusing to let go even as her fingers wriggled. And as Eva let the words flow, she didn’t want him to let go either. She knew she was leaving out details, but she didn’t exactly have full control over what she was saying anymore.

“So my mother showed up at my apartment in New York, completely unannounced, saying she’d organized this whole engagement to you and how a union between Eschenberg and Skärov would be able to fix everything. But she didn’t evenask…” And her voice broke on that. It was the crux of everything, not being asked in the first place. Being told that this was going to happen. It’s what hurt the most, like a knife in the back.

“Maybe if she and Father hadasked,justaskedif I could do some press or something to smooth things over, everything would have been different. But instead they told me I was going to be marrying you, putting all of it onto my shoulders. It was all up to me to fix everything even though none of it was my fault, and if I pulled out, then I’d just be tarred with the same brush as everyone else and… I couldn’t take it, the pressure. That’s why I moved to New York in the first place. Because I couldn’t bear it anymore, everyone seeing me as perfect and able to handle everything. And then I was just thrown straight back into the deep end, and I felt like I was drowning, so I thought if I could get you to be the one to break off the engagement, then everything would be fine…”

Eva trailed off, unable to keep talking. She hadn’t really let herself acknowledge how defeated the whole saga had left her feeling, how broken, but now she was feeling the full force of it, eyes completely blinded by tears while her breathing was a series of sobs and hiccups that she couldn’t control.

Ever so gently, Finn’s arms made their way around her, strong and warm, and pulled Eva into his chest until she was almost sitting on him. She cried, unable to stop now that she’d started. Unable to stop feeling ashamed of herself for not being honest with him from the start. Ashamed that she’d ever made him feel the slightest bit negative about anything. It hit her like a truck how much she just wanted him to be happy, this sweet, proud man who just wanted to do his best.

Finn swiped his fingers across her cheeks once again. It didn’t really succeed in clearing any tears away, but it felt nice, and Eva had to bite her tongue to stop from asking him to do it again.

“Your mother,” he said, eyes focused on Eva’s hands. “Both of your parents, and mine. They should have given you a choice. I assumed you’d had one. Maybe that was naive of me. Seeing through rose-colored glasses and all that.”

He smiled sadly at that. As if the world were a worse place than he’d first thought. Eva put her hand to his cheek.

“I think you should keep on looking through rose-colored glasses,” she said, voice thick. “It’s what makes youyou. And that’s a very good person to be.”

“I’m glad that…” He trailed off, chasing what he was trying to say. “I’m glad that this really is the real version of you.” His face flickered back to life at that. “I like this version.”

Eva ducked her head into his chest, talking directly into the wool of his sweater. “Why? I lied to you. I messed with your head to get you to call it off. I should have—”

“No,” he said, and for the first time hedidsound angry, his voice biting and cold. Eva looked up at him, and Finn’s face matched his words. But then his hand was against her cheek again, the most gentle thing in the world.

“No,” he said, softer this time. “Theypressured you. They trapped you.Theyare the ones who didn’t give you any options.”

“I’m a princess,” Eva said with a grimace. “It’s not exactly like I’ve had it hard.”

Finn took a deep breath and looked at the ceiling, his head resting against the back of the couch. But he still didn’t take his hand from her face.

“Imagine you’re in an emergency room,” he said.

“O-kay?”

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