Page 28 of Will You (Not) Marry Me

“And someone,” Finn continued, scooting closer to her, resting his elbows on his knees, “who is wildly, ridiculously independent, and damn everybody else. A whirlwind and lightning strike of a human. And kind… So incredibly kind. So it makes me wonder why, back at the palace, you were pretending to be something you’re not.”

He really had been watching her. Quietly, with no fuss, he’d been observing her as much as she’d been observing him. And it seemed that he’d taken notes. She didn’t deserve that sort of praise. Not when she’d been lying to him. Not now that she knew what a good man he was.

“What makes you think I’ve been pretending?” she asked, not able to look him in the eye, not able to really deny anything either.

“Because,” said Finn, looking amused rather than angry or upset as he tried to piece it all together. “It’s like I’ve met two different people. You were so…” He licked his lips, looking for the right words. “Rude.Just rude and erratic and kind of insane? But since it’s just been the two of us, away from everyone else, you’re a different person. And I actuallylikethis person. So what happened, huh? Why the personality switch?”

Eva sighed. She’d known her plan had failed, but having Finn confirm it still stung a bit. She’d been so determined to succeed. But there was no fixing it now.

It was such a strange feeling, having everything come crumbling down around her like the world was in slow motion. For the second time in less than a month, she felt like she was losing all control of her life. Her hands were tied, and she was backed into a corner. But this was so much worse because it wasn’t her mother, distant and acting out of duty and her own stunted version of love. This was Finn, who was kind and good and knew she’d been up to something and still hadn’t kicked her out into the snow to walk home like she deserved.

Well, at least I know my plan was working,she thought glumly.At least until we came here.

As her thoughts spiraled, Finn was still watching her, waiting for an explanation, as calm and patient as ever. And once again she found herself completely stuck with no way out. No easy, comfortable way, at least. The last time that she’d been trapped like this, her only visible way out had been to lie and claw her way out by spinning herself a whole new identity in front of Finn. Now the only way Eva could see out of this mess was to tell the truth. Which was an entirely more terrifying option. But as soon as she landed on that being the answer, the anxiety that had been suffocating her all day vanished. She could breathe again.

Great…she thought, folding her arms tight around herself as if that would hold her together.This is just fabulous.

“Do you ever get angry?” she asked. The words had no bite to them; they came out soft and curious. She peeked up at Finn out of the corner of her eye, his knee nearly touching hers.

“What do you mean?”

“Do you ever get angry?” she repeated. “You’re just always so… unflappable.”

He frowned a little, showing a hint of annoyance for the first time. “Are you trying to change the subject?”

“No. It’s related to the whole personality switch thing, I promise.”

“How is me getting angry related to that?”

“Because I don’t want you to be angry with me.”

She said it so quietly it was a wonder that Finn heard her at all. But it was true. In a short space of time, she’d come to feel so safe around his gentle demeanor. She dreaded to think how she’d feel if he started shouting and cursing, with every right to be furious at how she’d behaved. She’d probably crumble into dust.

Eva kept her eyes on her hands fidgeting in her lap, chipping nervously at her fingernails, but felt the couch cushions beside her shift with Finn’s weight as he shifted himself even closer beside her, the warmth of his thigh now pressed against hers. His hands reached into her line of sight, his fingers slowly taking hers and holding them gently.

“Hey,” he said. “Look at me.”

She couldn’t. Not at first. But Finn’s hands on hers were so warm, so kind, that eventually she did look up, cheeks burning and eyes stinging. He was watching her with those thoughtful blue eyes, clearer than winter ice, a small smile on his face.

“Did you kill someone?”

“What? No.”

“Did you run over a dog or something?”

Eva’s lips started to quirk into a smile despite herself. “No. No dogs have been run over.”

“Have you been laundering money? Embezzling innocent old ladies out of their life savings? Taking part in identity theft?”

“No, no, and no.” Her smile grew despite herself, despite the hot tears starting to spill over.

“Then what have you done that’s so bad?”

“I lied to you,” Eva said. Her smile vanished at that. Even now he was being so kind, and the guilt was eating viciously at her insides.

That gave him pause. His thumb stroked the back of her hand, leaving warm circles in its wake.

“I don’t think that’s the worst thing anyone’s ever done,” he said eventually.

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