Page 33 of Flirt Away

“That’s not what happened. You’re missing what I’m saying,” Zane said. “And I didn’t love Rebecca.”

Dixie tilted her head. “Do you hear yourself? You can be mad at her all you want for breaking your trust about your sexuality.”

“It wasn’t about me. She hurt Erik and his husband. And their families. She didn’t just put out that shethoughtshe caught us in bed together. It went way deeper than that. If you read the article, you’ll understand.”

“If you’d let me explain my blog, or better yet, read it, you might understand why I didthat.” Dixie dug into her purse and pulled out her cell. “I’ll send you everything I wrote and the most recent post. I’ll dig up the article onPage Six.” She swiped at the tear that ran down her cheek. “I’ll call a Lyft. Congratulations on being an uncle.”

He stood there and watched Dixie walk out of the waiting room.

And out of his life.

Perhaps it was for the best.

Fuck.

His phone vibrated. He stared at a text from Dixie with a link.

To her blog.

He fell back onto one of the metal chairs and tapped the screen. His heart dropped to the pit of his stomach like a cement brick. He loved Dixie. No matter what she’d done, he still loved her.

The question was, could he get past it?

And if he could, would it even matter?

As you can see, I’ve taken down the posts regarding my sexual relationship. I probably shouldn’t even post this, but I promised you, my readers, transparency.

I never told my boyfriend about this blog.

Big mistake.

Huge.

I will be rectifying that today. Tomorrow, when I post, it’s possible I could be single, though I’m hopeful that won’t be the case. My boyfriend is an amazing man. He’s accepted me for exactly who I am, despite my insecurities. In spite of the old tapes that play in my mind that tell me I’m not good enough. Or pretty enough.

Especially the ones that tell me I’m not skinny enough.

Jesus. He hated her mother for putting that into her head. For making her feel as though no man would appreciate her for the loving human being she was, and making her think that all men cared about was a flat stomach.

Which was totally overrated anyway.

My boyfriend has shown me that my size doesn’t define me. However, my perception of my size does. And even as I write this, my perception is still skewed. Something I’m constantly working on. But more importantly, he’s shown me unconditional love and how I’m deserving of it.

Working as a relationship counselor, I constantly tell my patients to be open and honest with each other. To take risks with their feelings because it’s the only way to work through issues.

As I’ve told you before, it’s always easier to advise than to follow advice through in your own life. And for a long time, I wasn’t involved in a serious relationship. And when I was, it was with a married man. That’s the kind of relationship that will keep any woman in a negative cycle.

I want to be in a healthy, positive partnership, but the only way to do that is to take risks. I thought I was doing that when I first stopped hiding my true identity and then started sharing my intimate thoughts and experiences.

And while it did help me, it’s not helping my relationship and only serves to break trust, something I know is very important to my boyfriend.

I will continue writing blog posts regarding sexuality and relationships, but it won’t be using my own experiences. It’s not fair to those I care about. Of course, tomorrow, I might not have a boyfriend to care about. But that’s a risk I have to take. Because if I’m not honest, then I’m not the person he deserves.

Zane held his cell against his chest and stared at the ceiling. He’d experienced her thirst to understand her sexuality firsthand and knew how her weight and her perception of her body held her back. He’d also learned a lot about himself through their shared encounters.

Mostly, he’d fallen in love with the most amazing woman he’d ever met.

“There you are,” Xavier said as he plopped down on the chair adjacent to Zane’s. “I just ran into Rebecca. I can’t believe she’s here. Gayle asked her to leave out of respect for our family. Hopefully, you won’t run into her.”

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