Page 3 of Flirt Away

“Come on, we all do that.”

“Do you?”

“Well, no,” Crystal said. “But I know a lot of women who do.”

Dixie wouldn’t argue that point. She knew it was true, but she should be better because of her profession. “Perhaps, but I’m single. And how many men are knocking down my door to date me?” She held up her hand. Right now, she didn’t need one of her dear friends to tell her how beautiful she thought Dixie was. “Besides, I’m still anonymous. My blog isn’t under my real name, and it’s not connected to my work as a relationship therapist, which is why I didn’t post my face.”

“You could easily change your identity and out yourself.”

Dixie knew Crystal was right, but she wasn’t ready. Not while her breakup was still so fresh in her heart.

Crystal tilted her head. “And you don’t make it easy for guys to want to become romantically involved with you.”

If Dixie could count on anyone to be honest with her, it was Crystal. However, she hadn’t anticipated Crystal diving in so deep, so fast. “What does that mean?” Dixie asked, though she pretty much already knew the answer.

“We’ve had this conversation a million times. You can come off as incredibly intimidating when people first meet you. But when you get to the one-on-one with a man, you put up a wall a mile high and make it impossible for them to climb it. And while I know you’re comfortable with who you are, we both know you still have your mother’s voice in the back of your head, and it comes out at the worst times, like first dates.”

Dixie’s biggest problem was that she allowed other people’s perceptions—mostly her mother’s—of her size to bother her to the point where she took those projections on as part of who she was, and that made it into her dating dialogue. She assumed that all men wanted a flat stomach, size C cup breasts, and not one single roll anywhere. “I know. You’re right.”

“So, what are you going to do about it?” Crystal asked. “And before you answer, no matter what you decide, I’ve got your back.”

That meant the world to Dixie. She inhaled sharply and let it out slowly. If she was ever going to get out from under her mother’s shadow, she had to move into the sunshine, as her father once told her. “If I’m going to keepCreate the Dewalive, I need to start living what I’m blogging, and in order to do that, I need to put myself out there and get serious about dating again. But I don’t want to get into a relationship necessarily right away. I need to be able to date so I can find the right person.”

“I do know a guy I can fix you up with. He’s sexy and a good person.”

“That might be awkward,” Dixie said.

Crystal nodded. “What about dating apps?”

“They suck.” Dixie held up her phone. “I joined two this morning, and check out what I’ve gotten so far.”

Crystal grabbed the phone. “Oh, God. These men are so not your type.” She swiped her finger across the screen. “Boring.” She jerked her head back. “Oh. This guy is so not right for you.”

“I know. But what’s a girl to do?”

Crystal set the phone down and took Dixie’s hands. “I’ve got an idea. However, it requires you to be open-minded. Can you do that?”

“I can try.” At this point, Dixie was willing to do anything. And not just for her blog. After reading the comments and putting herself out there to be criticized, she realized she was ready for a relationship.

She wanted what Crystal and her husband Albert had but didn’t want to jump in with two feet. She wanted to test the waters. She wanted to be romanced. To have long walks. To go on picnics. To fall madly in love.

Dixie craved intimacy and romance. When recovering from her anorexia and bulimia, she’d told herself that she’d stay away from men and relationships until she came to terms with how she’d ended up hating herself so much. She’d done that a while ago, and even though triggers—like her mother—brought back the kind of thinking that sabotaged Dixie’s hard work, she always managed to get herself right back on track.

Except for when it came to men and dating.

In her day job as a relationship therapist, she dealt with couples struggling with things like sex, communication, and issues relating to betrayal. She didn’t feel as though she needed to experience a long-term, committed partnership to help people navigate their predicaments because it came down to individual needs and desires being satisfied. Everyone dealt with interpersonal relationships differently.

But to write content on her blog about women taking charge of their sexuality, Dixie needed to at least have some clue about her own. And considering that she hadn’t had sex in nearly eight months, her source material was sorely lacking.

“Have you ever heard of Club Allure?” Crystal asked.

Dixie’s eyes grew wide. “I have.”

“Well, Albert and I have a little experience with the club and some fetish festivals.”

“Seriously?” Dixie lowered her chin and raised a brow. “I can’t believe you’ve never told me about this. Do dish.”

Crystal laughed. “I’m not going to get into the nitty-gritty, but I will get you in the club. I don’t know if it’s what you’re looking for, but this might be able to help you with two things.”

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