Page 27 of Malachi

Our mother grew up in a Spanish-speaking home. With an Afro-Latino mother and a Black father who’d been adopted by a Latino family, English was a secondary language for her. She, too, had taught us at very young ages. She preferred tapping into her roots versus stumbling over her words as she tried to speak proper English.

“No tengo miedo. Soy cauteloso,” she responded, lifting her head. She’d obviously taken offense as she explained to him she wasn’t afraid, she was cautious.

“Cautious? What you know about being cautious, baby girl? You’re like… what? One?”

“I’m closer to three than I am to two,” she clarified.

“My apologies.”

Aussie’s eyes grew wider as she took a look around. She noticed two of her favorite people standing off to the side, waiting to capture her attention. Though it wasn’t often that Milo and Makai visited, out of respect for my personal journey, they were among the few she truly blossomed for. Her little personality bloomed right before me in their presence. That bit of human interaction lasted her for months at a time and left me filled to capacity.

“Uncle Milo? Uncle Kai?” she gasped, sliding down from my arms and running in their direction.

“Move, man. She said my name first,” Milo mumbled, pushing Makai aside.

Makai jumped in front of him, again, stretching his arms out for Aussie to run into them.

“Damn, she don’t see me?” Mercer tittered, shaking his head as he watched her pass him up to jump in Makai’s arms, leaving Milo salty.

“She loves them. She doesn’t see them often but she understands the feeling is mutual. Aussie will discover your love one day, too. She has this thing about introduc—”

“Your explanation is unnecessary. I was a jit at some point in my life. I get it. Let’s not act as if her mother was too keen on introductions, either. The girl could spot an enemy a mile away. In all her grace, she still managed to get her message across without actually telling any of them to get the fuck out of her face.”

“She didn’t even use profanity.”

“Nope. Her body language and lack of enthusiasm to be in your acquaintance was enough to reveal her true feelings. She didn’t have to raise her voice or move with malice or turn her nose up at you. If she wasn’t fucking with you, you’d know off the rip. In the meekest and mildest way, she’d tell you to go fuck yourself.”

“An angel on earth, Merc, and somebody took that away from me… and away from Aussie. I’ll never get that back. Do you know how miserable I am, waking up each day, knowing I’m living in hell? I hardly want to be here. I’m numb. I feel nothing aside from the love I have for that little girl right there. Aussie is my light. She’s my source of energy.”

I’d said more to Mercer in the last few seconds than I’d said to anyone in the last two years. Words were hard. Expressing myself was harder because I felt like there was no point. Complaining wouldn’t bring my wife back. However, Mercer had a way about him or maybe it was because he was big bro.

While he was away, I headed the family in his absence. This meant I was in charge. I had to have my head on straight. I couldn’t fold and I couldn’t fumble. When shit got rough, I didn’t have a shoulder to lean on. I was the shoulder, everyone’s shoulder. But, with Mercer standing in front of me, I felt relieved of that burden and a few others I carried.

“Daddy, Uncle Milo said ice cream.”

“Uncle Milo is a bit of a liar, baby. Don’t believe anything that comes from his mouth.”

“Aye! Don’t tell her that, man,” Milo yelled. “Y’all can hop in the truck with us and ride into town to snag some ice cream right quick.”

I shook my head without much thought. There wasn’t any to put into the proposal Milo had just made. I wasn’t leaving and neither was Aussie.

“Take a ride with us, Malachi. We won’t be long.” Mercer tried convincing me.

“I can’t,” I admitted, clearing my throat as I clenched the muscles of my jaws. The rigidness of my jawline was painful, but relieved pressure in other places.

“Malachi,” Mercer begged.

“I can’t. I need you to respect my wishes, Merc.”

Gritting my teeth, I ignored the pain in my chest as I denied my brothers. The repetition was repulsive, but Milo and Makai were adamant and refused to give up their fight. I admired their efforts, but they were in vain. I wasn’t going anywhere. They knew it, and so did I. Not even Mercer’s presence would change that.

“Understood.”

Feeling conflicted, I looked back at the home I’d created for Aussie and I. Leaving the premises wasn’t in our plans for the day, but I wasn’t quite ready to say goodbye to Mercer.

“Have a drink?” I asked, searching for a silver lining.

“I could use one.” He nodded in understanding.

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