Page 109 of Fallen Knight

I bark out a laugh. “Nothing about you has ever been easy. Nothing about you everwillbe easy.”

“So that’s it? You’re walking away because it won’t be easy?” Her voice grows louder with every word, the passion and determination in her expression making me want to sweep her into my arms. “I didn’t take you for someone to run when things got challenging.”

“They’re not just challenging, Esme!” I roar, my voice louder than I intended.

When she flinches, I squeeze my eyes shut and draw in a deep breath to calm myself, attempt to have a somewhat civilized conversation without everyone in this hotel finding out the truth.

Especially her brother.

And Tristan.

“They’re not just challenging,” I say again, this time much softer. “They’re impossible. Last night…” I shake my head as I fight to get my thoughts in order. “Last night was bloody incredible. I’d thought about what it would be like to fall asleep next to you again for years. Since you came back, I wanted to keep my distance. Fought to do so. Because I knew if I allowed myself to get close to you, I’d want more. I’d want all of you. And I. Can’t. Have. You.”

I struggle to even get the words out, my body fighting me every step of the way. But they’re true. Sleeping with Esme wasn’t just a bad idea, like it was all those years ago. It’s forbidden. I could lose everything.

Worse, I’d be letting my father down. Letting Rory down. Letting AJ down.

Letting Adam down.

When he learned Rory was pregnant, I promised I’d take care of her and his unborn child if anything happened to him.

This isn’t doing that. Not when it could put our livelihoods in jeopardy.

“We both needed this wake-up call. Needed the reminder that we’re from two different worlds. While it may feel bloody incredible in those moments when our two worlds collide, it’s not reality. It can never be our reality, Esme. We need to leave the past in the past. Look toward the future. And I can’t be your future. But Tristan can.”

“Tristan?” she chokes out. “Wha—”

“He’s a good person, as much as it pains me to say. From the first time I saw you together, I could tell how much he adores you. That’s what you deserve. To be with someone who will look at you as if you’re the only woman he sees. Who will hop on a plane and fly across the country to tell you what a dolt he’s been. Who will give up his career to be with you.”

I don’t know for sure if Tristan has agreed to do that. But if he’s here to apologize and set things right, I assume that’s what he’s willing to do.

It’s whatIshould be willing to do.

But our circumstances are vastly different.

“And you won’t do that?” she asks in a barely audible voice, chin quivering.

Last night, we were in a bubble. I ignored the real world. Now that the cloud of lust has evaporated and we’ve been yanked back to reality, I can see clearly again.

Can see the truth again.

And the truth is that Esme will forever be my greatest love, the one woman who ignited a fire in my soul that will never die. But my love for her can only exist in the shadows.Wecan only exist in the shadows.

I can thank Tristan’s surprise appearance for helping me realize that.

Pulling my lips together, I shake my head. “I can’t.”

She doesn’t say anything. Simply stares at me, as if waiting for me to change my mind. But I won’t. Not about this. Not when other people depend on me.

Every sound in the room seems to be amplified. The whirring of the heating unit. The traffic of the New York City streets thirty floors below. And the pounding of my erratic heart.

Finally, she turns and heads for the door, but hesitates before opening it. When she glances over her shoulder and parts her lips, I swallow hard, sensing I’m not going to like whatever she’s about to tell me. That it’s only going to make this situation hurt more than it already does.

But instead, she snaps her mouth closed and shakes her head, as if deciding it doesn’t matter.

Without a single glance back, she disappears into the hallway, the door closing with an echoing thud behind her.

ChapterForty

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