Page 37 of Forever & Always

“The table,” I answered, walking toward the kitchen area of the cabin to open the refrigerator. It was more like an over-sized mini bar and stocked with an assortment of beer, soda, water and mini bottles of wine and liquor. “What would you like to drink?”

“Does beer sound good? she asked, knowing that I’d be having the same thing as she would.

“Sure,” I agreed, and grabbed two bottles from the refrigerator and proceeded to take off the bottle caps, throw them in the recycle bin at the end of the counter and then move toward where Remi was arranging the food on the table. In passing, I noticed some Bluetooth speakers next to the TV that would allow me to play my music on my iPhone. “Do you want some music?” Music suited me because it could fade into the background yet create the mood I wanted for our conversation.

I sat her beer down near her plate and kept mine in my hand as I stood there watching her move. I’d spent a good part of my life with Remi, and she was a lot of things to me; my best friend, confidant, supporter, and my biggest fan, yet I realized that I wanted more of her than I probably had a right to ask.

“Sounds good,” she answered as she pulled out her chair, sat down, and reached for her beer. I could feel her eyes watching me as I walked across the room to start the music. I chose a laid-back playlist that I used to wind down after practice. It was a lot of soft rock singer-songwriters; many of them new and yet to be discovered. It would be easy to keep the volume low so we could talk.

I inhaled a deep breath as the realization settled over me. I had been so blind. She’d grown into such a gorgeous woman, yet I’d kept her at arm’s length. What would happen to our family dynamic if Remi and I were at odds, or if this conversation went south? I huffed softly as I mocked myself.We’d been at odds for three years, I thought,so could it be any worse? I knew how that made me feel and I didn’t want to go there again.

The soft strains of a slow melody filled the air. Remi looked up at me her gaze quizzical. “I haven’t heard this song before.”

I sat down at the table. She’d placed her plate across from mine and I was glad because it would give me an unobstructed view of her during the meal.

“Yeah. I find a lot of new artists on YouTube. The less commercial stuff just feels more real and grounded to me.”

Remi’s eyes crinkled at the corners as her lips curved up into a smile. She nodded. “I can see that. Music was always our thing,” she murmured picking up her fork, but pausing before digging into her salad.

I nodded with a smile. “Yeah. Remember when we wanted to start a band and we thought we could be rock stars?”

Remi laughed out loud. “Yeah, but we could never agree who would front the band!”

“It would have had to be me, of course. Girls would have worshiped me, and men would have wanted to be me,” I teased, nonchalantly.

Remi had started to eat, but burst out laughing again, almost spitting it out. Her hand came up to her mouth as she giggled. “Once again, the epitome of modesty.”

“I’m only kidding.”

“Are you?” she asked knowingly. “How was that different from now?” Her eyebrow cocked in challenge.

I couldn’t help but grin as pleasure filled me. “Really? You think girls worship me?”

Remi’s head cocked to one side and a wry expression settled across her face. Her hand came up to her chest and she fanned herself. “Does this remind you of anyone? Oh, Dylan! You’re so good on the field and your abs! I die!” Remi mocked, batting her long eyelashes. Her over exaggeration was hilarious, but she was right. There were always women trying to get my attention, and I did have a lot of my male friends emulate me.

I sobered. “I’m sorry, Remi. The truth is, I was stupid; I let it all go to my head.”

Her green eyes met mine and I was mesmerized. We sat there staring at each other for a good five seconds before she spoke, finally stabbing at something in her bowl with her fork. “It’s okay. Part of me understood… I just missed you.”

I leaned forward to set my beer down. Emotions I’d buried for three years, surfaced. “I missed you, too.”

Her left shoulder rose in a shrug, and I could see her swallow hard as her eyes glassed over with unshed tears. “I wish you would have called me sooner. Or just… not let me leave.”

Now it was my turn to pause. “You said it was what you wanted. I didn’t want you to stay just because I whined about it. I didn’t want you to be unhappy.”

“I know. I only left because you didn’t seem to have time for me. I felt like I was in the way.”

I wished I was sitting next to her so I could slide an arm around her and pull her closer, because somehow when Remi was closer everything seemed clearer, but I reached across the table and offered my hand instead.

I could see her inhale deeply before she placed her small hand in mine. “You were never in the way. I was just caught up in everything. Everyone seemed to want a piece of me, and yeah, I was an arrogant jerk. I just thought you’d always be there, I guess.” I used my thumb to brush back and forth across the top of her hand. “I didn’t realize what you were to me…what you meant to me. Not really. I never dreamed you’d leave. I was blindsided.”

“Dylan, I…” she drew her hand back. “I don’t understand. Why now? Why are you doing this? We’re still going in different directions.” Confusion flashed over her expression.

I sat back in my chair and reached for my beer again, taking a long pull. “Maybe we are, but I want you in my life, Remi. In more than a compulsory way or at family functions every year or two. Seeing that you came to my last game to support me meant so much… justseeing you, and this weekend makes me want to be around you like we were before. Like we’ve always been.”

I’d been starving after the long day at the park, but now the food in front of me might as well have been a plate of saw dust as I waited for her response. She set her fork down as well. My heart stopped. What if she said she didn’t want the same thing?

A lone tear tumbled down her face and she rushed to wipe it away. “Of course, I was there to support you, but you’ll be busy with your new career, and I’ll have school and volunteering. I sometimes go to Kansas City to visit my dad, so maybe we can hang out while I’m there.” She seemed nervous, the easiness between us from last night and today seemed to vanish.

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