Page 102 of The Doctor's Twins

“Hey, I can’t help it if I’m the family’s fish whisperer,” he grinned and ordered another round of beer.

I felt as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders when I drove home that night. I never told Peyton about it, but I had nightmares for a long time after, during which I wrestled with Mateo for the knife. Suffice it to say that the fight didn’t always end in my favor.

I wondered if I’d ever be the same again. I doubted it. Plunging a knife into another man’s chest and watching him die changed the way one saw the world.

Sure, I’d killed before when I was in the military, but that was war.

You were in a war, Ben. It was either you and Peyton or Mateo. Don’t give yourself such a hard time. It was an act of true love. Peyton needed you and there was no other option.

I kept telling myself that whenever I woke up in a cold sweat from the recurring nightmare. A few months after the incident, the dreams stopped. I was finally ready to get on with my life with Peyton.

28

PEYTON

I’d never told a soul, but every day after I’d lost my baby, I’d think about her. I wondered what she would have looked like, what her voice would have sounded like…things a mother dreams of before she meets her child. I tried to forget that she had ever existed, but it was impossible.

A year had passed since Mateo’s death. My life was on track again. I was loving every minute at the hospital, and I cherished my time with Ben. But something was missing. I knew the void would always be there. I wanted a child.

I chose to talk to Ben about it one night after we’d made love. He must have sensed that I had something on my mind. He was very intuitive when it came to me.

“What’s the matter, my love?” he asked. “Aren’t you happy?”

“Of course. I’m very happy, darling. It’s just…”

“What? You know you can tell me anything.”

“Everything about our life together is perfect, Ben. Our careers make us happy; we have amazing friends, and our families are incredible. But I feel like something is missing. I want a baby.”

There. I’d said it.

“Okay…”

“What’s wrong? Don’t you? Aren’t you ready?”

“My love. Of course, I’m ready. I can’t imagine anything more exciting than sharing a child with you.”

“Then why the hesitance?”

“Well, I’m not sure if it’s going to be smooth sailing. The pregnancy, I mean. There was a lot of damage done when…when you fell down the stairs and lost your first child, my love.”

“I know. But, Ben, you are the most talented surgeon in your field. You can fix it, can’t you?”

“Of course, I’ll try my best, Peyton. But I don’t want you to get your hopes up. I don’t want to be responsible for not being able to give you your dream. Our dream.”

I realized that I was putting a lot of pressure on Ben. I felt remorse about that. But honestly, I knew that if anyone could help me, it was him.

“Please, try.”

“Okay, my love. I can’t say no to you. I’ll try my best. But promise me you won’t put too much pressure on your body to do this. I love you so much, even if we can’t have children. I’ll always love you, Pey.”

“I won’t. Thank you, babe.”

I snuggled in his arms, satisfied that he wouldn’t let me down.

“The good news is that we’ll get to have plenty of baby-making sex if you’re successful,” I purred and kissed the place of his arm when Mateo had slashed into the flesh.

The scar had all but healed, but I had a feeling the traces would remain as a reminder of how close I’d come to losing my Ben.

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