Page 57 of The Doctor's Twins

“Please, Peyton, you have to believe me. I never would have followed you had I known it would scare you into racing off like that.”

“You? But, why, Ben?”

“I care so much for you. Surely, you must know that by now. But I get the feeling that you’re guarded when you’re around me. I want to know everything about you, but I didn’t want to push you. I realize you’ve been through hell, losing your baby, and leaving the man who was abusing you, but I want more, Peyton.”

“So, you scared the living shit out of me, instead of just being patient?!”

“I’m so sorry.”

I looked away and stared at the wall. Ben’s eyes were so tender and his voice so remorseful. Was he really that insecure about me? I hadn’t shut him out because I didn’t care. I did it because I wanted to protect him.

And yourself, Peyton. You are afraid he'll leave you if he knows what a mess you’ve made of your life. Be honest with yourself for once!

“I’m sorry, Ben.”

He looked at me with confusion on his face. As if he didn’t hear me correctly.

“Sorry? No, Peyton. I’m sorry. It was a stupid thing to do.”

“Yes, it was, but if I’m honest with myself I have to take some of the blame. You’re right, Ben. I’ve been holding back. I knew you’d eventually want more, and I didn’t think I was ready to give you that—to trust you—but I was wrong.”

“You can, you know. Trust me. I’ll never hurt you. Not intentionally, anyway.”

“Ben, there’s something I have to tell you. I just hope that once you know the truth you’ll stick around.”

“Come on. That’s crazy. Nothing you tell me can be terrible enough for me to not want to be with you.”

“I hope you mean that.”

“Of course, I do.”

“Okay. I don’t even know where to start.”

“Take your time, Peyton. I’m not going anywhere.”

I took a deep breath and started at the beginning.

“I met someone, who I thought was special, in Mexico after my best friend and I got our degrees. He seemed the perfect guy—charming, sweet, thoughtful—I’m sure you can see where I’m going with this. Anyway, he asked me to marry him, and I said yes.”

I took a quick break so I could have a sip of water. My mouth felt as if a rat had died in it. Bloody vomit. Ben sat perfectly still and waited for me to continue my tale of woe.

“At first, it was magical. He did everything right.”

“Like me,” Ben said softly.

I knew what he was thinking. I hoped that he was starting to understand why I’d been a little distant and held back. But I carried on talking.

“Then, once we began to settle into our happily ever after, was when he started to show his true colors. I was screwed. I’d ignored the initial warning sign, however faint, and went along and married a stranger. It was my own fault for being so gullible. I’m ashamed to admit that my pride kept me from dumping his ass right there and then.”

I looked at Ben, who was listening intently to me. His eyes were filled with compassion for me. Had he put two and two together yet and figured out that he was sleeping with a married woman?

“So, I tried to make it work. It was a nightmare. Mateo was sullen, and mean, and seemed to enjoy torturing me. And what does a good wife do when that happens? I’ll tell you what. She tries harder. Isn’t that just fucking pathetic?”

“No, it isn’t. It’s part of the beautiful nature of a woman. You did what you thought you had to. Don’t beat yourself up, Peyton.”

I laughed out loud at the word ‘beat’, which wasn’t the smartest move, as my head felt like it would split in half and my ribs ached like crazy. Ben must have thought I was losing my mind.

“No need to beat myself up. Mateo did that on a regular basis.”

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