Page 70 of Loved By The Bad Boy

I sit first. He sits beside me, and the bed sinks with his weight. “You’re doing the right thing.”

Oh. I steal a peek at him. “I am?”

When he nods shakily, I realize I spoke that out loud. “It’s hard. I know it’s harder on you, and I should have been there from the start. That’s why your mom is mad at me. I need to do better.”

“It’s okay,” I hear myself say. But I’m not certain it’s really okay. I know for sure that if I am on good terms with him, Mom will be happier. Gracie might scowl less at him. “It’s fine. Thanks.”

Josef reaches for me but drops his hand. “You don’t need to thank me. And no, it’s not fine. I got cold feet for a bit. But I should have done right by you, Ben.” Propping his elbows on his knees, his body sags as he rubs the back of his hand over his eyes. I feel like the bigger adult in this situation. “As a parent, you wonder what you did wrong and what you could have done better.”

His smile is sad. I don’t want to imagine that scenario. “Jo—”

“None of these is your fault, Ben. It’s all her, only her.”

I don’t know how long I have waited to hear that line from him, but his words heal a part of me.

It’s not my fault. It was never my fault. Pedophiles will always be pedophiles. I nudge Josef’s ribs with my elbow, and he chuckles. For us, that’s enough. We don’t need hugs and long talks.

“She was denied bail,” he says. A breath of relief escapes my lungs. I breathe into my palms, and my head bobs non-stop. That’s good news. That’s great news. She deserves everything horrible that comes her way. “We are trying to hasten the process, so you two don’t have to be here longer than necessary. But if this case makes it to court, she will be there. She has to. I’m sorry.”

If that’s the price, I’m fucking ready. I look up, but Josef is not looking at me. His nails are deep into his knees to the point of leaving marks. A sudden wave of lethargy hits me. I’m tired of hearing everyone, but the real culprit, apologize for a sin they didn’t commit. It’s not their fault.

“It’s cool,” I say. “It’s okay.”

Maybe not. But for the sake of others that might be saved from her claws, it’s worth facing her again, hopefully for the last time in my life. I pat Josef’s shoulders in an odd show of solidarity.

“Will you prefer a private trial?” Josef asks randomly.

Absolutely. Left to me, I want everything to start and end the same day.

“Yes.” He nods to show he heard that. “Will Gracie be allowed? I need her there.”

“I’ll have to find out from the lawyer.”

If Gracie is not there, I’m not sure I can go through with it, but I murmur a small, “Okay.”

Rising to his feet, he claps my back. “I’m proud of you for doing this. You’re not alone.”

I. Am. Not. Alone.

“Thanks.”

The door closes behind him, and my thoughts sweep in. I feel alone. The downside of being in love with someone is the meaninglessness your life seems to take on without their presence.

Where’s my Gracie?

I dial her number, but she doesn’t pick up. I miss her.

Someone knocks. It can’t be Gracie. She doesn’t knock. The door opens before I usher whoever it is into the room. My heart relaxes as she steps in. Everything falls into perfect places, and I grin.

My Gracie.

I open my arms for a hug, but she heads to the dresser to drop the bags and tray in her hand first, then jumps into my arms. We fall to the bed with her on top of me. I roll her under me and kiss her nose.

“Hey,” I say.

Her hand slides up my cheek, and her eyes crinkle. “I’m okay, Benny.” She chews her lips, her gaze locked on mine. “How are you? Really. Don’t lie. I am worried about you. Please talk to me.”

It will be a sin to lie to her, but I don’t want to worry her either. I sit in the center of the bed and pull her up. She mimics my position, so we are facing each other. I preferred it when she was giggling, excited to be back in my arms. Now, she looks worried. I hate being the reason for that.

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