Page 65 of Loved By The Bad Boy

There’s none of that initial excitement from when we boarded the plane. “It doesn’t feel like the right thing.” My throat closes. I don’t know how to reply to that. I tilt his head to initiate eye contact. He tries to smile, but it ends up as a grimace. “I don’t even know how I feel about this.”

“Sometimes I don’t know how I feel. And that’s okay, too,” I say. Grabbing his hand, I place it on my chest, and he finally smiles. “As long as you have me and I have you, we will be okay. We will be fine.”

I swipe the pads of my thumbs on Ben’s cheeks, realizing now that he is silently tearing up. It hurts because I want to help, but I don’t know how. He offers me his pinky finger. “Promise?”

A peal of laughter escapes me. At least I know who Asher got that attribute from.

“I promise, Benny. We will always have each other. Always and forever.”

Twenty-Seven

BEN

It’s 8 am,and no one has mentioned the police station. I know the way. I can drive myself there, but my hands and legs no longer seem to function. Gracie edges closer to the bed to hug me. We are hiding in my room because the awkwardness at breakfast was worse than last night’s dinner.

They haven’t fought again but are most likely not on speaking terms. I try to put myself in Josef’s shoes. As a father, what would I do? I understand his need to protect her, but she’s evil. Yet I can’t bring myself to be mad at him. I’m also overprotective of Asher, and if he’s in the wrong, I might hesitate to give him up.

“What are you thinking about?” Gracie asks. She tries to force my lips into a smile, and I wrap my hands around her tiny wrists. Her lips twitch. “I’m here for you. You know that, right?”

I push her fancy glass above her head and say, “You have to promise me something.”

“I promise.”

I laugh. It’s the first time I’m laughing today. “You don’t even know what I want to ask.”

Gracie dumps the glass on the nightstand. Asher gifted it to her. He’s probably trying to bribe my girl into spending a few nights in his room. I would have slept in his room, but I love cuddling with Gracie and having all three of us on his bed would be more awkward than comfortable.

“But I know I’ll do it for you,” she replies. Her lips brush mine in a brief kiss. “Anything for my Benny.”

“When we have kids, even if they’ve been bad, you promise to believe them when they come to you for stuff like these.” Maybe if Mom believed me, it would never have gone this far. But it’s not wholly her fault. I should have been a model kid, the one parents listen to. Gracie tries to pry her hands from my hold, but my grip tightens. I need her to promise. “We must believe them. Okay?”

“Okay. I promise.”

That’s why I love her. We are not perfect, but we try.

I stand when the screen of my phone lights up with a text. It’s 8:30 am. The drive to the station will take thirty minutes. Gracie stands and wraps her around my biceps. She nestles her head in the crook of my neck for a few minutes as if she knows I need those seconds of reassurance.

I have her. I am not alone.

I chant this mantra while walking down the stairs. There’s no one in the living room. The kitchen is also empty. I switch on the TV and flip through channels until we settle on a sports station.

We comfort each other with our presence for another fifteen minutes before I go restless again.

“They are taking too long,” I tell Gracie. I want this to be done and over with so we can leave. I don’t like this place anymore. It holds terrible memories for me. The only good things are Asher, Josef, Mom, and Gracie. She tries to smile, but it falls. “Babe, I think I’ll go check on them upstairs.”

Gracie gives me a thumbs up, and I scoot upstairs. In front of their room, I knock twice. A soft voice ushers me in. I open the door, and my steps falter. It’s my first time in their room. Mom is on the bed. She looks up with red-rimmed eyes and tries to smile through her tears. She pats the bed for me to sit. We stay in that silence for some seconds before she slips her hand into mine. I hug her. My jaw rests on her head, and my eyes sting as she bursts into another round of tears.

“He’s not coming,” she says.

A blunt knife twists my guts. I guess I have always known I would be Josef’s second option, but it hurts to be proven right. I rub my sweaty palms on my jeans. Eyes identical to mine stare back at me with so many emotions. I’m numb. I can’t feel what I am expected to feel. If I go through the process like an outsider, handling the flashbacks or narration required at the station will be easier.

“It’s hard for him. That’s why we fought.”

“It’s okay. It’s fine. You’ll be there, Gracie, too,” I reply, though I’m not entirely convinced I’ll be fine. Asher would have volunteered to join us if he didn’t have school. Staring at my feet, all I think isthis could go wrong. It already has. I wanted Josef there for moral support. “Your presence is all that matters. Gracie is waiting downstairs. We are ready whenever you are, Mom.”

I wait behind for her to apply makeup. She fixes her face in silence, swiping brushes and foams across her cheeks. When she is done, she walks over to me with a smile and takes my hands.

“How do I look?”

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