“Do you still have my number?” he asks. Yes, but in my head. I’m not sure when I learned it, but you could wake me up at midnight and I would recite it without mincing digits. “Am I still blocked?”
“And deleted,” I add. Not like it matters since I have a new number.
Ben carries me, and my legs instinctively wrap around his waist. He drops me in the middle of the bed and straddles my hips. Another kiss lands on my forehead, trailing down my nose, lips, and jaw. Staring at me with something fierce and sad, he opens his mouth but remains mute.
“Don’t forget I changed my number, Benny. So, it won’t matter if I deleted it,butI never forgot it. I can’t even forget it.” I tap my chest twice. “Because it’s in here. I’m not going anywhere.”
His forehead meets mine. For a second, all we hear is his ragged breathing.
Ben rolls away but stays close, and I link our fingers. “That’s what you said, but you left me.”
Because he broke my heart and refused to listen to me. “You deserved it. But I’m sorry.”
“I deserved it.” There is a momentary pause. “I’m sorry too, Gracie.”
A kiss lands on my knuckles. Ben rolls onto his side and his head hovers over mine.
“When we get married and have kids, I will tell them you broke your promise to me.” I smack his cheek gently and smile. His confidence assures me we will be fine. “I will also tell them I fucked up so they will know not to fuck up like me.”Yep, we will be perfectly fine. “I love you.”
“Hmm.” His eyes narrow, and he pinches my nose. “I love you more.”
“You can’t love me more. I’m the one who loves you more.”
Whatever my Benny says. I don’t want to argue. As if hearing my thoughts, he laughs.
“Mrs. Beckham’s boyfriend was arrested.” My back stiffens. I don’t have time to completely process his words because he licks my lips. “They need witnesses when the case goes to court.”
“Oh.”
Do I count? I saw a bruised Olivia once. An unsolicited image of her flashes through my mind. Ben’s hand slips inside my shirt, unknowingly erasing the image. I welcome the warmth of his palm against my skin and guide his hand to cup my breasts. He kneads my nipple and winks.
Naughty boy. My naughty boy.
A small moan escapes me as his hand lowers between my legs. We went this far once, but it feels like so long ago. I rub the bulge pushing against his shorts, watching his face as I cup his length.
“What now?” I ask him.
“I dunno.” He takes a nipple in his mouth and sucks on it so gently the stress of the past weeks dissipates. My fingers sink into his scalp. I spread my legs for him to kneel between them. “Mom and Josef think it’s all up to me. They will pay for a flight back if I agree to appear as a witness.”
Wrinkles appear on Ben’s forehead. He seems to have aged within minutes of talking about this. I trace random patterns on his chest to comfort him. “What do you want to do?” I whisper.
Ben does that half-shrug thing he does when he has not fully decided on his next move. His nose touches mine. “I was thinking you could help me decide. What do you want me to do, Gracie?”
The weight of his words hangs heavy in the air. It is too much pressure for me. I roll away from him, and he comes right after me. I don’t adjust my robe, so my puckered nipples remain in plain sight.
Brows knit together, I ask, “What if I say no? What if I ask you not to do it? What then?”
“I’ll stay here and be with you, Gracie.”
His sincerity makes me smile so hard my cheeks hurt. I just need to be sure that he will always be mine. That even after his trip to San Francisco, he won’t return to the Olivia trap. She might have had an awful life, and my heart goes out to her, but that girl is not exactly a good person.
“But why?” I ask. I pluck a strand of hair from his brow, and he winces. I miss shaping his brows. I miss doing a lot of things with him. “You fought so hard for her, Benny. You chose her.”
Eyes locked on mine, he asks, “Will you ever forgive me for that?”
“That’s not the answer to my question,” I tell him.
Ben laughs. “If she finds her soulmate, she will pick him over us, Gracie.” I am not sure what he means by that. His gaze returns to my face, and he laces our fingers above my head. “She will pick him over me. So, I’m choosing you over her. What you want is what I’ll do. Promise.”