Page 68 of Broken By the Bad Boy

“Sweet,” I reply. My lips automatically move into a smile, and the memories of every wonderful thing Ben has done wash over me. “He’s my first boyfriend and the best one ever. He makes me feel good about myself, and I love him a little too much.” We both laugh. Maddie sighs, so I tell her about Ben’s injury and why he gave up soccer. She tears up a little. “He does other things now.”

“He doesn’t tell me anything,” Maddie murmurs. Her eyes glaze, and she stares into space. I wrap my palms around the glass of yogurt. Feeling uncomfortable, I nibble on the cookies. It’s nice. “I’m happy Benny has you.”

“Me too.” I look out the window while contemplating my next choice of words. “I was supposed to travel today,” I say after seconds of silence. Maddie fists the hem of her dress. “That’s why we fought.”

Maddie’s silence encourages me to tell her everything. From the relocation to my school choice. My fear of breaking his heart by moving many cities away from him. She takes my hand when I tear up. I’m such a crybaby. Maybe it’s my period. It makes me so emotional. She offers me a paper napkin.

“I don’t know what to do,” I say at the end of my tirade. “I don’t want to leave Benny.”

“I also don’t want you to leave him.” She laughs. Seconds later, her face goes serious. She holds my hands with a firm gentleness. “As his mother, I want him to be happy, and you make my baby happy. But as an adult who has seen a bit of life, I also want you to do what makes you happy, Tessa.”

Making Ben happy makes me happy. Going to NYU will make me happy. Moving to New York will make Mom happy, and I love making Mom happy. There’s no way to go about this without hurting someone.

“If you choose to stay here because of him, a few years down the line, you might end up resenting him for many things beyond both of your control.” I am not sure I understand her point, but I nod. She gives my hands another squeeze and smiles softly at me. “I trust you will make the right choice, Tessa.”

Thirty-Three

BEN

I thinkGracie is mad at me. Shit. I fucked up again. I shouldn’t have snapped. But it was so hard to keep calm with the false niceties. Gracie won’t be here in two months, and I want to spend every second with her, not answer lame questions about my life. I haven’t kicked a ball in a year.

Asher throws one leg over me without looking away from his iPad. They spoil him too much. I prop a pillow behind his back to make him more comfortable. He flashes me a smile and resumes watching his kids’ show from Disney or Nickelodeon. I sneak out of bed, and he rolls onto his stomach.

“Where are you going?” he yells.

He won’t have to scream if he removes those earbuds, but he won’t. They were the first things Josef gave him after they exchanged greetings, and he won’t take the damn buds off. I gesture to the door, and he nods. I’m going to get my girlfriend before they recruit her to their team. She’s mine and mine alone.

I meet Josef downstairs. He’s alone at the dining table with our plates in front of him. He looks up when I stop at the foot of the stairs, and my insides curl with remorse at my untouched plate. I barely ate. I should have because Mom added the vegetables to the white rice how I have always liked them.

“Where’s she?” I ask. I move behind Gracie’s seat, and Josef arches a brow. I bet if he had the chance, he would kick me out of here because I make his wife unhappy. “Mom, where’s she?”

“Kitchen,” he answers in a curt tone.

The dining light reflects on his head. I close my eyes and force out the words, “I am sorry.”

It is my first time apologizing to him, so it sounds strange. My head lowers to avoid his gaze, and I grip the top of the chair until my knuckles turn white. It’s so hard when everything reminds me of her.

“You owe your mom an apology, not me. She’s trying, Ben. She really is. You have to meet her halfway.” I nod because he’s right. Some days, it’s easy to overlook everything. Other days, it’s not. “Tell us where we went wrong. Your mom wants you to be happy. I want your mom to be happy.”

So do I, because she deserves it. She brought us up alone until she remarried.

“You went wrong with Theresa,” I answer and walk out of the room before he figures it out.

I stop at the kitchen door. Gracie is crying, and Mom’s comforting her. She mumbles something under her breath, and my girlfriend chuckles. I clear my throat, and they both turn. Gracie tries to smile. Mom copies her and smiles at me. I try to reciprocate it, but it comes off as a scowl.

“Hey,” Mom calls out to me.

Maybe it’s because of Gracie that I answer. “Hey.” I walk further into the kitchen and stand on the opposite side of the island. Spreading my hands on the tiled surface, I count to six and whisper, “I owe you an apology. The food was good, and I’m sorry for raising my voice at you.”

Soft arms wrap around me from behind. I turn in Mom’s embrace and hug her tight. She rubs my back until the weight in my chest dissolves. We break apart, and she palms my face. For once, I don’t have the urge to refuse her affection. I pretend everything is fine and smile sheepishly at her.

“It’s okay,” Mom tells me. When her hands lower to wrap around my wrists, I realize I’m not acting. I like her touches. On her toes, she whispers into my ear, “Your girlfriend is waiting for you. She’s so pretty.”

That’s right. Gracie is so pretty and sweet and kind and intelligent. She’s everything.

The kitchen is quiet after Mom leaves. I take her seat and place a foot on the bottom of Gracie’s stool. She eyes me from top to bottom, and her lips turn up in a scowl. I want her to smile. To be happy.

“Are you mad at me?” I ask.

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