Page 34 of Five Things

“What are you thinking?” I ask Gray before uncapping my soda and taking a sip.

“Grab some beers, head over to the beach, and make a day of it?”

“Yeah, I’m in,” I say, Harlow and Beck echoing their agreements.

“Count us out,” Nash says before burying his face into Maisie’s neck until she’s a giggling mess on top of him. “We’ve got plans.”

“And they would be?” Beck prompts.

“Mais here has never been to Disneyland, so I very kindly offered my chauffeur services for the day since she doesn’t have a car.”

My brows furrow, wondering why she wouldn’t just go with Beatrice since I know she brought her car with her to BU.

“I never needed a car in New York, didn’t even bother to take my test.” Maisie shrugs, sliding off Nash’s lap into the seat next to him. “So your cab services are hugely appreciated.”

“I could do Disney,” Gray says, looking around at us all. I go to shake my head, there’s nothing worse I can think of than spending a day wandering around the theme park, but when they all agree, I’m outnumbered.

“I don’t recall inviting any of you,” Maisie says, narrowed eyes moving over the table for a beat before she chuckles at the offended looks thrown her way. “Fineeee, Disney day it is, then.”

“Bea not coming?” Beck asks.

“She’s undecided,” Nash answers, a slight frown on his face.

The conversation moves onto planning for the trip, but all I can think about is Beatrice.

Disney is one of her favorite places in the world, or itwas. It doesn’t make sense that she wouldn’t be the first person to take her friend there. She must have gone there every other month since she was ten. Surely things in her life haven’t changed so much that one of the things she loves most isn’t even a part of her anymore.

“So Maverick is taking one car, Nash the other?” Harlow says, pulling my attention back to the group.

“Why am I driving? I didn’t even agree to come.”

“Because you and Nash have the biggest cars, it makes more sense. And you’re coming. We’re having a friends fun day. We’ve not had a proper one in ages. We can load up the cars, head over to Disney and then spend the evening at the beach, drinking and chilling? Or Marcus is having a party, so we can head over there?”

“Yeah, fine, whatever.” I shrug, not caring what we do. Pushing off the table, I grab my bag from the floor, saying my goodbyes. “Catch you all later.”

Beatrice

Another note is waiting for me when I wake up Saturday morning. Maisie has been blowing my phone up for the last twenty minutes, but I can’t peel my hands away from the white envelope long enough to answer her calls or reply to any of her texts.

This is the fourth I’ve received now. Each slid under my dorm door. The last two were much the same as the first, signed S, telling me he’d see me soon, but I refuse to believe it’s really him. It can’t be. He moved thousands of miles away for school, his dad making him, due to the controversy surrounding the case.

While Sebastian came out of everything scot-free—thanks to me—there were still too many questions in our hometown about what happened during our relationship. So instead of dealing with his child appropriately, Governor Marks just sent him away and went about his life as if nothing had happened, burying the court case before it could make it out of town and into any of the national papers.

It has to be some sick joke, and I can’t help but wonder if it’s Maverick. I told him to do better that day at getting rid of me, and there are few things in the world more terrifying than thinking of my ex-boyfriend being near me again.

I shake my head, dismissing that train of thought. He wouldn’t. If there’s one person Maverick hates in this world more than me, it’s Sebastian. He’d never use him in whatever game this is between us.

Closing my eyes, I inhale slowly, holding my breath for a moment before letting it go and stuffing the unopened envelope in a drawer. I grab my keys and wallet and silence the ringer on my phone, shoving it into my pocket before leaving my dorm.

When I make my way down to the Bean Bar, I order an iced vanilla latte and a bear claw before settling into one of the benches outside. The sun is finally cooling as we move deeper into the fall, and my sweaters and oversized tees are finally comfortable again.

People-watching as I eat, a twinge in my chest aches at the sight of everyone heading out for the weekend. I wonder what they’re doing. Every time I think I’m getting better and can finally find comfort in being outside in the world again, something comes along and crushes those notions.

I know healing isn’t linear, and mental illness is something that I have to learn to coexist with. But instead of getting easier with time, it suffocates me just how hard it can be.

“Bea, hey, wait up.”

As I’m tossing my empties into the bin, Maisie finds me.

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