Page 46 of Silver Fox's Surprise Baby

I should have known better by now. The only person that I’ve ever been able to fully depend on is myself. Even leaning on him a little, allowing him to see the parts of me that very few get to see, only led to more hurt.

It’s times like these when another girl would have her mother to lean on. For a second, I consider calling Mom and apologizing for everything. I don’t know if she would answer though.

There’s so much to tell her about my life and I’m not sure if we can ever have a normal relationship.

That cuts me nearly as deep as Evan’s betrayal.

Mom and I may not have had the perfect relationship when I was growing up. We fought a lot and we were often unable to see where the other person was coming from. Right now though, she would be the one who would know what to do. She would have some advice or insight to offer that might make this whole situation make sense.

I would have a family member to share my pain with.

But I don’t, and it’s partially my own fault.

One of these days I need to think about fixing things with Mom.

After taking a deep breath and screaming wordlessly to relieve some of the tension and rage in my body, I reach for my phone. I listen to the rings, hoping that Zara will pick up.

“Hey,” Zara says as soon as the call connects. “I was thinking about going out on Friday night. Do you think Aurora would want to go with us?”

“Zara, I need help.” My mind flashes back to the pregnancy test I took earlier this morning after throwing up for the third day in a row. “I need a lot of help.”

“Did he hurt you? I’ll kill him. There’s no way that he hurts my best friend and gets away with it.”

I laugh as the tears start to roll down my cheeks. “Yes, he hurt me, but no you can’t kill him. It’s a long story and I would rather talk to you in person instead of dealing with this over the phone.”

“Alright, when and where do you want to meet?”

“Actually, I was wondering if you were looking for a roommate, and if you are, can you help me move?” I take a shuddering breath and bite back another round of tears.

He isn’t worth them.

Zara sighs. “Of course. You can move in with me for as long as you like. You’re going to love the new little apartment I rented. There’s even a second bedroom waiting for you.”

“Thank you.”

“Do you want me to meet you at the house?”

“Actually, I’d rather pick you up. If Evan is still there, I don’t think that I can handle walking into that house alone right now. I might get arrested for murder.”

She laughs. “I’ll be ready to go in ten.”

“You know, his being your father’s best friend adds an entire layer to this illicit romance that I wasn’t expecting,” Zara says, her tone teasing, as I finish telling her everything that happened.

I turn the car onto Evan’s street and sigh. “I know. The worst part is that I could forgive him for everything but I don’t know how. It seems like the kind of thing I need to be angry about.”

“Then let yourself be angry.” Zara rubs my shoulder. “I’ve been friends with you for a while now. I’ve never seen you let your emotions loose. You always make sure to keep everything under a tight lock. You never let people see the real you.”

“You see me.”

“I’m the only one, and even then you don’t show all of your emotions. You have to let yourself feel this. If you don’t, it’s going to eat you alive and turn you into a shell of a person.”

“Why do you have to be so much smarter than me?” I ask, trying to veer away from the subject. “I’ll feel the emotions when I have time to feel them.”

“Make time for them now,” she says as we near Evan’s house. “Let him see how much you’re hurting. Let him know that what he did is fucked up and if you’re ever going to forgive him, he needs to work for it.”

I make a noise but keep my mouth shut. If I want to forgive him—and I think that I might after I’ve had more time to think about everything—then he needs to know what he did to me.

Evan needs to know that this isn’t something that can be easily fixed.

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