Page 13 of Make Me Whole

I almost dropped the stuff I was carrying. “What?”

“It could even be just a girlfriend, if you don’t want to get married again.”

My heart pounded as I placed everything on the table and sat down. Aiden reached for the ice cream sandwich, but I lightly swatted his hand away and placed it on my plate to cut it in half. I placed his half on his plate and pushed it toward him.

“I don’t know. When a man loves a woman as much as I loved Mom, there’s not much room for another love. You’ll see that one day, though I hope you never have to lose her,” I replied, hating myself for once again putting him in the position of playing with a kid who had a living mother. “Why are you asking that? Did seeing Ella with her mom make you sad again?”

To my great surprise, Aiden shook his head. “No. I loved Ella’s mom. She’s pretty and funny and very nice.”

Without meaning to, one corner of my lips curled up. I couldn’t agree more with my son. I also couldn’t believe that a ten-year-old could see the truth about Skylar when that limp dick Eli couldn’t.

“She is, isn’t she?”

“Yeah.” A mischievous smirk curled up on Aiden’s lips. “And that’s why I’m asking. Because I don’t have a mom, and Ella’s dad isn’t a very good dad.”Or man,I mentally added. Aiden continued, cheeks turning pink, “So, why don’t you marry Sky so Ella and I can be siblings? We both agreed it would be a good idea for all of us. Then Al could be my grandpa, and even though he’s your age, I think he’d be a grandpa I’d like to have. We would all be a real, whole family.”

I had no idea what to reply. The adult part of me knew I should shut this down now. I needed to tear it by the root and throw salt on the ground so whatever this was would never bloom in my son’s mind again. But the other part of me, the one enthralled by Skylar’s beauty, innocence, and charm,reallyliked the kids’ idea and all its ramifications.

I liked the idea of giving a mother to my son. I liked the idea of being able to care for and protect both Sky and Ella. I liked the idea of being officially related to Al, but more than anything, I liked the idea of Skylar being mine.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” I told my son. When he demanded to know why, I explained, “Because I barely know Skylar, and her divorce isn’t final yet. Also, I’m too old for her, her father’s best friend, and still in love with your mother. But you and Ella can be real good friends. We can go to Al’s every weekend or they can come here. I even told Skylar that we’d go cheer Ella on during her soccer games and practices.”

His face fell at my words, and it broke my heart a little more. I wished, for so many reasons, that I could have given him the answer he wanted—the answer we both wanted, to be honest—but I couldn’t.

“That’s nice, Dad. But it’s not the same as being her brother.”

I sighed. “I know it’s not. I’m sorry I could never give you more of a family.”

“You taught me it’s only too late to try something when we’re dead and buried.” He shrugged and finished his dessert with his mother-in-the-playground expression.

I inwardly cursed Margery for dying, Skylar for being Al’s delicious daughter, Al for being a loyalty-demanding bastard, and myself for so many things—teaching my son good but inopportune life lessons that bite me in the ass being only one of them. I forced a smile and tried to look honest as I told him, “I’ll think about it, okay?”

Aiden nodded—still looking sad—and asked me if we could watch a movie together before he went to bed. Unable to deny him anything else, I agreed.

We went into the living room, and I put onDaddy’s Home 2, the only Mel Gibson movie I could find that seemed appropriate for children. I held him close and tried as hard as I could to do the opposite of what I had told my son I’d do. But not thinking of Skylar and marriage proved harder than I could have ever imagined.

It was after ten when the movie ended and Aiden went to bed, leaving me alone with a head busy with thoughts I didn’t want to have. I filled a tumbler with whiskey and downed it in one gulp as I relaxed on the couch, trying to put the day’s events to rest. Most of it was easy, but Skylar was not.

Behind my closed eyelids, I could see her resting on the couch next to me, a golden ring on her left finger and her long legs draped over mine. In my half-awake fantasy, she looked up at me from under those long lashes, desire and love in her eyes. I lowered my mouth to hers, pressing them against her plump lips with the same lightness my thumb had just hours ago.

My mind conjured up a kiss that started slow and grew in passion. My mouth felt dry, and my body tingled with pleasure as the hand of fantasy me drifted up her thigh and under the flimsy fabric of her dress. I grabbed my cock over my shorts as I imagined pushing away her panties and pleasuring her with my fingers. How tight would she be? How wet?

The fantasy progressed, filling my head with the sounds of her moans, the taste of her lips, the feel of her tits. My heart pounded with the intensity of the buildup, the need for release. I unclasped the top button of my shorts and slipped my hand inside, stroking myself as I wanted Skylar to do.

For a decade, I had only jerked off to the memory of Marge. Finally envisioning myself pleasuring someone else and being pleasured by her made the building orgasm even stronger. The knowledge that this fantasy could never be repeated, in my head or real life, made it even more powerful.

My hand pumped my cock harder and faster until I reached the brink. With parted lips and a bursting heart, I spilled all over my hand, hoping and wishing it were hers.

I leaned back against the couch and held my pulsating cock until it became soft again and my labored breaths had eased to a normal pace. Then, I opened my eyes, closed my shorts, and walked to my bathroom, promising myself that I would never think of Skylar again.

Even if I had to stay away from her altogether.

6

SKY

The September chill arrived in Windy River on a Monday, ten days after Eli’s unfortunate visit to my father’s house. I first noticed it as I walked my dad and Ella to the car, her lunch bag and backpack in my hand. Even after two months, I hadn’t gotten used to not driving my daughter to school in the morning, but Dad enjoyed his one-on-one time with his granddaughter, so I didn’t complain.

“What’s for lunch, Mom?”

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