Page 38 of My Best Friend's Bully

My feelings of guilt are caught in a battle against the warm sensation that surges in my heart when I recount the image of Tyson and our night together. I can’t shake the feeling of him moving inside of me, as if it’s more than only a memory. The way he had brought me to the brink of climax and held me there until I came apart for him. The image so powerful I can feel him inside me even now. Then afterward… He held me and I felt safe in his embrace, as if no concern in the world mattered, or could touch me.

I’m so broken I don’t want to get up, but if I let myself, I could cry until my eyes spewed nothing but sand. I’ve done enough damage to my life for one night so I get up and move toward the shower. I crank the water to the level labelled “scalding” and shed my clothes onto the floor. I pause for a moment and bend down to pick up my sweater. I lift it to my face and bury my nose in it, taking in a deep breath to recapture Tyson’s musky scent.

In the shower, I work my lavender sugar scrub into my skin as I think about the best way to handle this situation. I’ll give them both some space. Refocus my attention on school. Eventually, I’ll build up the courage to face Cole and apologize. I’ll give him the whole story. As for Tyson… I know what I should do. Ishouldtell him that whatever happened between cannot happen again.

When my skin has been scrubbed smooth, I rinse and step out, toweling myself off before rubbing on a dollop of vanilla-scented lotion. I twist my hair up into a messy bun and pull on a set of flannel pajamas to be comfortable for a long night of studying.

I put on a pot of coffee and dial my mom. It’s late, but she picks up on the third ring and I choke back a sob when I hear her voice.

“Hey, sweetheart.” She sounds tired, but happy to hear from me. “Why are you up so late?”

“Did I wake you up?” I bite my lip. The last thing I want to do is burden her with my crap.

“No, I was just getting into bed. Besides. You know how your dad is. He’s already asleep, snoring like a freight train.” I can tell she moves the phone toward him when the rumble of his snores comes through the speaker. “God only knows how I sleep through that every night. Practice, I guess.”

“I remember I could hear it all the way in my room,” I say. Coffee starts to bubble next to me, hissing as the hot liquid hits the pot.

“Don’t tell me that’s the coffee pot. At this hour, Jordan? Please, honey, get some sleep. I promise you the books will be there in the morning.” She sighs.

I picture her pinching the bridge of her nose between her fingers, the way she always does when she’s worried about something.

“I’m fighting with Cole right now. There’s no way I could sleep, not when I feel like this. We’ve never fought before, Mom.” My voice grows thick with the struggle to hold back more tears. I pour coffee into my largest mug and take it to the couch, letting the hot liquid ease some of the tightness in my throat.

Mom clucks her tongue against the roof of her mouth. “You two are the best of friends I’ve ever seen. No matter what happened, I know that you two will work through it. Do you want to talk about it?”

“I can’t really say what it’s about but… I think he’s really upset with me. I think I should stay away from him for a while, give him some space.” I pick up a textbook from the side table and lay it on my lap, unopened as I stare out the window. The snow slowed to a trickle and the city lights are visible in the dark, twinkling like low stars.

Mom is quiet for a moment. “You know him best, Honey. But don’t stay away just because you’re afraid of what he might say. An apology can go a long way, even if it’s scary to have to give one. He’s a sweet boy. I know he’ll forgive you, whatever it is.”

With that the tears begin to flow again, and I let them fall silently down my cheeks. No amount of coffee can hide the emotion in my voice.

“Thanks, Mom.” I force through my sobs. “You should go to sleep now, but I’ll call you in the morning, okay?” I know she’ll be worrying about me.

“Honey, no. Are you okay? I don’t mind staying up to chat. You know I am always here when you need me.” Even as she says it, she yawns.

“I’m okay,” I say, laughing a little through my sob. “Goodnight, Mom.”

“Okay. Goodnight, honey. I love you.”

We end the call and I sit in the quiet for a long time, staring out the window while my book sits unopened on my lap, forgotten. I must have drifted off to sleep when a knock at the door startles me awake.

I check my phone. It’s one o’clock in the morning. Who would be here at this hour? My body flashes hot, then cold. Is it Cole? Is it Tyson? I scrub my eyes as I walk to the door, peering through the peephole. Tyson, a plastic wrapped plate of brownies and cookies in hand. Maybe I should pretend to be asleep and not answer the door.

“I know you’re awake in there, Jordan, I can smell the coffee from here. Open up, we should talk.”

Dammit. He knows me too well. I open the door and step to the side to let him in. His boots are covered with snow and it scatters across the doormat as he kicks them off. He sets the tray of sweets on the counter.

“Why are you here?” I don’t mean to be rude but I can’t handle this right now, even though there’s nothing more I would rather do right now than jump into his arms. “Coffee?” I ask.

He nods. His hair is rumpled like he’s been running his fingers through it over and over. “Please.”

I pour him a mug of coffee in silence, and he says nothing until we are settled in on the couch. He sits down first and I choose the spot that’s as far from his as possible, crossing my legs and turning to face him. Sitting too close to Tyson has led to pretty much all the trouble I’m in right now.

“I came over because I care about you, Jordan,” he starts. “And I know you’re hurting after what happened tonight. With Cole, I mean.” He holds his coffee in both hands, ignoring it as he watches me. “And I don’t want to leave you alone when you’re hurting.”

I swallow down the lump in my throat. I’m sure my eyes are red from crying but I won’t break down again. “I hurt Cole. That’s what I’m more concerned about.”

For once, his face doesn’t tighten at the sound of Cole’s name. “I know. He’ll recover, though.”

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