Page 88 of Rigger's Mistake

“I planned to stay that way until you broke me,” I joke. “Thankfully, you’re also helping put me back together.”

“That’s not me. You’ve done all the work; I only facilitate the conversations.”

I didn’t want to give healing any time since my focus was on getting out as soon as I could, but through our twice-weekly appointments, Danielle helped me realize that no matter where I go, there I am. Even after I move to Henderson, I’ll still suffer the loss of my childhood. I’ll still be unable to open up to people, and I’ll still feel like my past is chasing me.

It was then I realized I didn’t want that for myself. When I leave Reno, I want it to be with me in a good place, ready to move on and start a new life. So, I switched my focus to confronting my demons, bringing them to life before facing them head-on.

For now, at least.

“I have kind of a personal question before we sign off,” I say sheepishly.

“Because nothing we’ve been talking about is personal?” She grins.

“You’re right, but that was all my past. I want to talk about my future and how I move on.”

She nods. “Let’s do it.”

“The only sexual experience I’ve had is withhim, and I. . . I don’t know. I don’t like it.”

“So you want to know how to start a healthy and consensual sex life?”

“Is it too soon for that?” My cheeks heat in embarrassment.

“If you’re asking that I give the Honey Pot the green light to allow you to work there in a different capacity, I can’t do that.”

I was upfront about my career aspirations and was promptly shot down. Not only that, but she said she probably never would agree. It angered me initially, but after only a few sessions, it was no longer important. Healing was.

“Is there someone specific you want to have sex with? Maybe the guy who’s been sleeping in your bed every night?” She gives me a knowing look.

I cover my face with my pillow. “I don’t know. Maybe.”

There have only been two nights that Rigger hasn’t slept next to me, and that was because he had a charity ride. I fought it at first, my stupid heart always wanting to push him away, but he showed up even when I gave him attitude about it.

Actually, he’s been showing up for me every day since he chased me down outside the Honey Pot.

“This is a question you have to answer for yourself. He’s not pressuring you, is he?”

“No, nothing like that.” If anything, he’s taken extra care not to make me uncomfortable. He keeps a drawer here with T-shirts and sleep pants now, and there hasn’t been any kissing, minus the forehead kisses when he leaves me each morning.

He also tells me he loves me every day, but love can mean many different things. I wouldn’t blame him if he’s no longer interested in me like that, especially after the shower, when he cleaned between my legs. There’s nothing sexy about that.

“Are you having desires?” Danielle asks.

“Is that wrong?”

She shakes her head and smiles softly. “No. You’re a young, healthy woman, and what happened to you doesn’t define who you are as a sexual being. It’s actually a good sign that your body is having natural responses.”

I raise a brow. “Even if those responses are toward my stepbrother?”

“Had you grown up with him, I might dive deeper into that. But you’re different people now.”

“Okay, so, how do I. . . do that?”

“Let me ask you a few questions before we talk about it.” She hovers her pen over her tablet. “Do you feel safe with him?”

Without an ounce of hesitation, I say, “Yes.”

“If you were in the heat of the moment and decided it isn’t something you want after all, would he stop?”

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