It was becoming harder and harder. Valerio was annoying, yes, but he was also nice. It made things extremely hard. I didn’t know how to act around him. I wanted to let him in, but letting my walls down would never end well.
I had to be cautious.
Still, I liked the fact that he stayed celibate for me. I wouldn’t mind if he fucked hundreds of people during our engagement. It was not about being jealous. It was about his reasons. He did that just to show his respect for me. It made me wonder if anyone ever respected me half as Valerio did.
That was only the tip of the iceberg. He actually seemed like a good person, but he was the Monster after all, and I had to be careful with him. I could not just trust him.
I was hoping agreeing on rules would help the situation. I didn’t want to get too close to him. I wanted to keep his protection and respect, but I didn’t want more. If I accidentally made him fall for me, that would be too dangerous, and if I accidentally fell for him, I would be done for. Love made people fools. I could not be in that situation again.
When Valerio appeared in the living room with two cups of coffee, I shook myself and put on my usual cold expression. I didn’t want him to see anything else. I did slip up more than I wanted. I got vulnerable with him more than I should have, but still being careful as much as I could was good. Those slip-ups were necessary to keep him interested in me while still keeping a distance. At least, that was how I said myself.
“I made yours extra hot since you like that,” Valerio said with a grin and sat down next to me on the cozy sofa.
I lifted a judgmental eyebrow. “When have I ever said that?”
“You married me, didn’t you?”
I rolled my eyes. Sometimes he made it really easy for me.
“Anyway,” he said, slurping his coffee. “I think we should get on with our rules. Do we need pen and paper?”
“I thought it might be simpler than that,” I said. It made me kind of nervous. Wasn’t it something easy? We just needed to establish there was no real connection here, and we just had to pretend for the eyes of the others.
Valerio shrugged. “I just thought you didn’t like simple things.”
“Not true. I want this simple. Let’s just say what we want, and we can agree upon them.”
“Maybe we should start with sex since that was what started everything. Should we be able to sleep with other people?”
There was something even more important. “Are we going to have sex with each other?”
Valerio’s eyebrows lifted with amusement. “I don’t know, Luce. Do you want to fuck me?”
“Not at all.”
“Now, that is a lie. We need a rule about that.”
“About lying?”
“Yes,” he said, looking like that was the best idea anyone’s ever come up with. “That should be the first thing, really. No matter what kind of rules we established, we are still married, Luce. If we lie to each other or keep secrets, it is going to be really harmful to both of us. We need to be honest in this marriage.”
I tried to hide my nervousness. “So, you want us to just sit and tell each other all of our secrets?”
For a second, he tensed. “No,” he said. “Not like that, but we can’t lie to each other. Especially when it comes to the important stuff, stuff that affects us both, we should be open and talk about it together. I am not saying you have to tell me all your secrets, but I don’t want you to keep secrets like your father planned ever again. You told me about it way too late. We could have handled it much easier if I knew it from the beginning.”
“I was afraid you would change your mind about the wedding,” I answered truthfully.
His eyes softened. “Well, you don’t have to be afraid anymore. I already told you we are a team. I am on your side, no matter what. For a better marriage, let's say no secrets, okay?” he held out his hand.
“Okay.” I shook his hand even though I knew I would always have at least one secret I would keep from him. No matter what he said, there was one thing I could not risk. I could never trust him that much.
He got comfortable on the chair and smiled again. “Now we can go back to sex. You were talking about how much you want me.”
“In your dreams, fool.”
My words only made him happier. “So you are saying I was dreaming on our wedding night? You know when you came into my mouth several times and kept begging for more.”
“I don’t beg. I simply requested it.”