I gritted my teeth, trying to keep calm. “But it is still a marriage.”
“And it does mean something to you?”
The surprised expression on her face made me even madder. It might not be a traditional marriage, but Luce being my wife definitely meant something to me. I could not act like nothing was happening. However, I also couldn’t tell her how much it meant to me. “I just don’t want to assume what kind of a relationship we have before actually talking to you about it. I thought we could decide on things when we are back in Chicago together, but before that, I won’t risk offending you.”
Relief filled her features, and I realized her surprise was actually hiding how nervous she was. “We will decide together?” she asked.
I nodded. “It is our marriage.”
“Good,” she exhaled.
I felt stupid because I didn’t consider she had more reasons to worry other than the dynamics of our relationship. I was fighting with emotions, but Luce was still contemplating if she could trust me. She didn’t know what awaited her in Chicago, and despite how tough she tried to look, it was scaring her. She was analyzing my every word trying to visualize what would happen after tomorrow.
I knew at this point it was not possible for me to make her trust me completely, but I vowed to try. I would try every second we were together from now on.
Because even if our marriage didn’t involve feelings, she deserved to at least have security in her life after everything she must have gone through that I didn’t know. I could at least give her that.
Luce seemed more relaxed after a few drinks. She threw money at the stage, and she laughed. She even talked to me without me needing to initiate the conversation. She still acted like I was the most annoying thing she had ever encountered, but I could tell she was having fun. She liked spending time with me.
And I liked spending time with her.
“Ah, I am sad to leave,” she said dramatically. “I mean, can you even find such a good strip club in Chicago?”
I actually felt a bit offended. “Of course, you can. My family actually owns a few.”
“Really? My dad never got into that business. I think he believes it is more sinister than killing people.”
That was funny. “That can’t be it. Your father owns an underground brothel.”
Luce looked surprised.
“You didn’t know?”
“No! How do you?”
I shrugged. It was just simple knowledge for me. I have grown up learning that stuff. I had to know everything about almost every mob family out there. It was as easy as remembering my own name at this point.
Luce got it wrong, though. “Have you been there?”
“No,” I said quickly. Owning brothels was just casual in the mob world, but it was not my favorite thing. “I have never been to a brothel for reasons other than business.” I had to go to some because we had a meeting there and I also had been some for inspection. I didn’t like being in there but letting people who didn’t see sex workers as human run the business was the worst idea. I had to make sure the conditions were as good as they could be for the girls.
“I don’t believe it,” Luce said. I tried not to get offended since it was not common not to go to brothels among Cosa Nostra men. “Hadn’t you been ‘initiated’ like all the other little mobsters?”
I couldn’t call it initiation, but I knew what she was talking about. Having sex was a way to become a man in our world, so most fathers took their sons to brothels when they were thirteen or fourteen. They would kill their daughters for having sex before marriage, though.
It was fucked up.
Thankfully I had Mia to shield me from those things.
“My brother would probably do it,” I admitted. “But his wife Mia made him swear not to, and he can’t say no to her, so I didn’t have my first time in a brothel. I had it with my high school crush at fifteen.” At least, that was what I counted as my real first time. It was one of the most normal things in my life, and I actually liked it.
Luce narrowed her eyes at me like she was trying to solve a puzzle. “All these women around you really shielded you, didn’t they?”
“As best as they could,” I answered truthfully. All my family shielded Verona and me from all the dangers they knew. Unfortunately, they were some they didn’t know.
“That’s why you are different,” Luce said. “You are not like the others.”
“I hope that is a good thing,” I said with a smile, trying to ease the air because I could tell Luce was slowly creeping into a dark place inside her head.