Page 5 of Forget-Me-Nots

He got ready for his own night and watched me with a hungry gaze but didn’t touch me. I might feel joy if Ivan was not in the picture.

Unfortunately, he was.

He took me straight from Aleksei. When he kissed my cheek and went on his way, Ivan let his emotions loose. He was always a little distant towards me in front of Aleksei, like Aleksei didn’t know what he did to me.

He was younger than Aleksei. At forty-one years old, Aleksei was almost entirely bald. Ivan, on the other hand, had short brown hair. His green eyes were much softer than Aleksei’s blue ones, but I knew they could be much crueler than his. Aleksei was a bad man to anyone who saw him. Ivan was a well-masked evil.

Now those green eyes traveled on my body. I was wearing a tight white dress because he liked it when I wore white.

I hated wearing white. It reminded me of all the silly dreams I have lost. It reminded me of how stupid I was to believe anything Aleksei said.

“Smile a little, Birdie,” Ivan said as he opened the door to his car for me.

I hated it when they called me Birdie. Beautiful, rare, and caged by them.

I got into the car like a good girl because I knew what the punishment was for not being one. There was a time I thought it could not get worse than that. I was getting raped anyway. What could fighting back would do?

Turns out the answer was a lot of things. They could always hurt me more. Maybe I should have been numb at this point. I was used to my life now, and I didn’t fight back. I played the game the way they wanted, but that didn’t mean I was numb to the pain. Every time they took me, they took a part of my soul away, and every time they inflicted pain, I felt it all. I was not strong. No amount of torture made me strong. They were still able to tame me with pain.

When we got into the car, Ivan put his hand on my thigh and drove us to the restaurant like that. He asked me questions, and I answered them all. I tried to smile too because when I pouted, he suggested going back home. That was definitely worse than this.

He acted like a gentleman like always. Opened my car door for me and held out my chair. Probably people who saw us thought I was a lucky girl.

Only if they knew.

“This is a new restaurant,” I said. It was not one of the usual Bratva restaurants we came to.

Ivan smiled his million-dollar smile at me. “I didn’t want to go to our usual place. Too many eyes, too much gossip. I want to feel like an ordinary young couple.”

“But we are not,” I said before I could stop myself.

His smile didn’t even falter. “But we can act like it, Kira. If your act pleases me, I might act like a lover to you when we go back.” He paused for a second. “At least for a little bit.”

I squirmed in my seat with discomfort. “About that, you should know I am on my period.”

He chuckled darkly. “You know that won’t stop me.”

I knew it. It was a desperate attempt. I knew he was not like Aleksei. He enjoyed the sight of my blood. Once, he told me he would make me bleed all over if Aleksei would let him. And despite everything he did to me, I was grateful that Aleksei didn’t letthathappen.

The memory of his words sent a chill down my spine. Suddenly I knew I could not put on a good act. I needed a minute to cool down. I tried my best to smile. “I need to use the bathroom.”

“Of course, but you know the rules,” he said. I knew the rules. He still reminded me, “If you don’t come back in five minutes, I will come looking for you. I might also play with you a little.”

I swallowed a lump and nodded. “I will be back in no time.”

Then I stood up and tried to keep my steps steady, but my body was screaming to run. I could feel my heart squeezing in my chest. I wanted to cry and scream, but there was no way I could. I was holding everything inside for years, and sometimes it was harder to deal with it than other times.

I just wanted it to end.

They wouldn’t let me end it.

I stormed into the ladies’ room. Thankfully it was empty, but I didn’t think I could care if someone was there. I could only care about my breathing because I couldn’t.

I couldn’t breathe.

I took off my cuffs to splash some cold water on my hands and my neck. I couldn’t risk ruining my make-up. It wouldn’t make Ivan happy. I had to keep him happy.

There was no way out. There was no hope.

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