Page 55 of Chasing Infinity

Noah’s eyes are hard on me for a moment as he ponders my question. We step lightly across the kitchen floor, dancing our way back into the past. “Yes, there are things I’d change.”

“Like what?” I prod him gently, loving the feel of his warmth underneath the pads of my fingertips. I can feel his heartbeat steady under where my palm rests against his chest, a contrast to my quickening heart rate.

“For starters, I actually would punch Eli in the throat for calling you a string bean instead of just thinking about it. You were the most gorgeous girl in that room, and he knew it,” he tells me, a wry smirk pulling on his mouth. His smile is a little distorted still from the swelling of his lip. I know the desire to get back at Eli for this morning is pulling strongly at him.

My cheeks are warm, and I look down at the floor, not wanting to meet his eyes. “Green was your favorite color.”

The memory of my silky green prom dress floats into my mind. The way Noah’s eyes scoured me when I walked into his line of vision will forever be engrained into my brain. I’ve never felt more beautiful in my entire life. He was the exact reason why I picked out that dress, and the expression on his face was worth every penny. His eyes tracked me as if he was afraid I would disappear if he looked away. Like I was the moon that lit up his sky.

“It was, still is,” he says, his voice a low rumble as his grip tightens around me.

The song’s bridge hits, and I look back up with him, questions still on my mind. “What else?”

“I would probably make sure that I had enough balls to ask you to dance for more than just a few songs at the end of the night. If I could go back, I would've spent the whole night with you.”

“We weren’t together yet,” I breathe, my chest feeling tight. “People would’ve talked.”

“I would’ve let them. If Eli was dumb enough to go chasing after someone else when you were right there looking the way you were, he never deserved you.” Noah hits me with the full force of his stare.

“And you did?”

“No. I still don’t.”

I raise an eyebrow at his honest admission. The song changes, but Noah’s grip on me doesn’t ease. He’s still holding me close to him, swaying, dancing. I don’t say anything as I wait for him to fill in on his thought process.

“What if I say you do?” I ask him, tilting my chin up and offering my lips to him. He takes my offering, leaning down and kissing me. When he pulls away, he rests his forehead against mine, still swaying us gently to the next song.

“A man like me could never deserve a woman like you. You’re too good, too kind, tooyou,” Noah says under his breath, but there’s no humor behind it. His gaze travels deep into my soul as he speaks. “Someone worthy of your love wouldn’t leave you when you needed him most.”

My heart constricts at his words, the hurt from when he left still fresh in my muscle memory. It felt like I was split in two that day. I watched him walk away without looking back, and I don’t know if the damage has ever fully recovered. Now that he’s back, the edges have started to seam back together, I can feel him making me whole again, but the wound is still there. Not fresh, but scarred over, still fragile from the trauma.

“You had your reasons,” I whisper back the truth that I know, that he’s told me, even though it hasn’t fully taken root in my reality.

“Yes, and every minute of every day, I wished that I was back here with you.”

“Then why weren’t you?”

“Because you are the most important thing in my life. I don’t think I could live with myself if something were to happen to you, so I had no choice.”

“Nothing’s going to happen to me, Noah,” I try to soothe him, but he closes his eyes tightly and shakes his head.

“You can’t know that. If someone wanted to get to me, the easiest way would be through you. That’s why I stayed away for so long.”

“But you’re back now, so can’t we just let the past go?” I prod him.

“There is nothing I’d like more, Parks, but unfortunately, that can’t happen just quite yet.”

“When will you tell me what’s going on? I don’t like being left in the dark.”

He chuckles and tightens his hand around my waist. “I know, but trust me, when it comes to this, the less you know, the better.”

I lean my head back away from him. “You keep saying that, but I’m not sure how my being left out helps anything. I could help you know? Whatever it is, I want to help you.”

“You can’t, not with this. I swear, Parks, I’ll tell you everything, but right now, I need you to listen and trust that I’ve got everything under control. I’d never let anything happen to you if I can help it.”

I sigh, frustrated. “That’s not what I’m worried about. Who’s protectingyouwhile you’re so busy protecting everyone else?” Noah blinks at me, my question taking him off guard. “I had to fight you to let me in once before, and I don’t want to have to do it again, but I will if that’s what it takes.”

“I don’t want you to fight me,” he says softly.

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