Page 45 of Chasing Infinity

“And you think Noah McCoy is somehow that ‘perfect’ person?” he uses air quotes, mocking my phrasing.

I press my lips together, unsure how to respond without hurting him more than I have to. There’s no denying that Noah and I have something in a completely different ballpark. Still, I don’t know how that will come across to Eli, so instead, I stay quiet, which is likely answer enough.

“I think you’re making a mistake,” Eli says harshly, his eyes holding mine, silently imploring me to reconsider.

“I don’t think I am,” I retort.

“That Noah is a psychopath. You’re better off without him.”

“That’s unnecessary, Eli. Noah isn’t a psychopath.”

“I’m just saying, he’s hiding shit. You should've seen what he did at the range when we were there. Something's not right there. I don’t trust him, and you shouldn’t either.”

“I actually trust him more than anyone.”

I’m fully aware that Noah’s keeping things from me, from everyone, but I have to trust that he knows what he’s doing. After our discussion the other night, I understand Noah would never intentionally hurt me without a good reason, and I have to believe he’s doing what’s best.

“Really? You’re going to sit here and tell me that you’re picking him over me?”

I blink at him. “I’m notpickinghim over you, Eli. I’m just trying to tell you that I don’t want to be in this relationship or whatever it is with you anymore.”

“Because of him, though. We were happy until he showed up.”

“Maybeyouwere happy. I was…” I pause, trying to think of the best way to say what I want to say. When the word doesn’t come, I shake my head. “I don’t know. I think I was comfortable, and I don’t want to just becomfortable. Noah challenges me in a way that I’m not sure you could ever manage, and I think he needed to come back for me to remember that. That doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s the reason, though.”

It’s a harsh thing to say, and I can see its effect on Eli. His face pulls into a frown, his eyes narrowing at me even more. “One of the greatest mysteries of the earth is why you’ve always been so obsessed with him. I’ll never understand.”

“I’m not asking you to understand. Just respect my decision. Can you do that?”

“Is there any chance I can change your mind on this?” he asks me.

I shake my head. “No, I’m sorry.”

“So you’re going back to him?” he questions me further. I avert my eyes, looking down at the table, brushing a crumb off onto the floor. Again my silence gives him his answer, and he exhales, frustrated. “Can we still be friends?”

I snap my eyes back up to him. “Eli, ofcourse. That’s what I’ve been trying to say.”

“Fine. If it means that I get to still have you in my life in some capacity, I can do that. I’m not happy about this, Addie. But I know when you make up your mind about things, no one can tell you otherwise.”

I offer Eli a smile, relieved that he finally acquiesced. “Thank you, Eli. And I promise we’ll always be friends. I couldn’t imagine a world where you aren’t in my life.”

“I just want to be clear, when he hurts you again—andhe will—I’m not going to be the guy who picks you up and puts you back together again. Do you understand that?”

“Yes, and I don’t think I would want you to.” Again the bitter truth, but there’s no point in sugar-coating anything anymore.

He drops his head back and groans again. “Well, this sucks. I’ve just been permanently friend-zoned, haven’t I?”

I can’t help the small, humorless laugh that escapes me, and I cover my mouth with my hand. Eli snaps his head back up and glares at me for a second before he relaxes and laughs too. Overall this whole conversation went so much better than if I had written it out myself.

“I’m sorry, Eli,” I tell him again.

He stands and pulls his jacket off the chair, slipping his arms through the sleeves. I follow suit, and then we walk out of the café side-by-side. As soon as we’re on the sidewalk, Eli turns to me and puts his hands on my shoulders. He exhales, disappointment written all over his face before he pulls me into him and wraps me in a big hug. I wrap my arms around his middle, hugging him back, breathing in the familiar scent of his coat. Eli smells like home, like friendship. It doesn’t trigger a response in my body other than contentedness and affection. There is no spark that would indicate that he and I should be anything further than what we are, and I know I’ve made the right decision today.

After a quiet moment between us, Eli pulls away and gives me a tight-lipped smile. “I guess I’ll see you around, Addie.”

“Breakfast as always?” I ask him hopefully. I’m crossing my fingers that his ego didn’t take too hard of a hit this afternoon, and he’ll still want to be around for the usual routines.

A genuine grin takes root on his face as he walks away and points at me. “You can bet on it.”

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