Page 39 of Chasing Infinity

“I’m sorry.”

“You told me to find someone else. You told me not to wait,” I whisper to him.

“Yes, and I’m not telling you that you have to stop being with him if that’s what you want. You just wanted to talk, and so we’re talking. I’m not going to hide how I’m feeling about you. I did that once, and all it accomplished was wasting time we could’ve spent together.”

“What are you trying to tell me, Noah? Just tell me how you're feeling. Trust me, like I trust you.” I plead with him.

Noah turns his head to look at me, the full brunt of his metallic blue eyes hitting me squarely. “I’m sorry. I never wanted to make things difficult. I just didn’t imagine being back here with you would affect me as much as it has. If anything, it’s reinforced my opinion why leaving in the first place was the right decision.”

I recoil as if he’d slapped me, a gasp falling from my lips. Noah’s eyes go wide, and then he grimaces. “I didn’t mean it like—”

“No,” I interrupt him, pushing myself to a standing position. “I think you did. If you’re going to break my heart again, Noah, just do it. I can’t go through this again. I can’t fall in love with you again just for you to rip me to shreds.”

Noah follows me, standing up as well. His hands reach out to grab mine, halting me in my attempt to turn away from him. His grip isn't hard, just enough to stop me from running. “Would you stop trying to run away during our conversations? We’re not done here.”

“Let me go.”

Instead, he holds me tighter, pulling me around and closer to him until we’re standing face to face. I turn my head away from him, suddenly interested in a stain on the carpet below me. “Addison, look at me.”

When I don’t oblige, he lets go of one of my hands, his fingers coming up to cup my chin so gently that I barely feel it, though it’s enough pressure to bring my face up to meet his gaze.

“Look, I can’t tell you very much about why I’m back,” he whispers, holding my eyes with his. His stare is so magnetic that I can’t get myself to pull away. “I want to, so bad, I do. And I will. But I can't right now. It’s important that I’m able to focus on what I need to do. And what I meant with my earlier statement is that you have a way of derailing everything in my life—in the best way. Parks, you could take me down with just a look from those gorgeous hazel eyes if you wanted to. You are my biggest weakness, the only person who has that kind of power over me. So yes, I meant what I said, but only because you become my biggest priority if I’m around you. Everything else just flits away.”

“Are you leaving again?” The corners of my eyes start to burn at his words, and I swallow thickly. Fear grips my heart, the familiar feelings of abandonment sinking into my system. When I’m with Noah, everything feels right and whole. It’s a feeling that sinks into my soul and fills all the gaps that have been for so long I forgot they existed. Now that I know what it’s like to have him back in my life, I’m terrified for him to leave again.

Noah’s eyes trace my face, and his expression softens. His hand moves from my chin to my cheek, his thumb stroking against my cheekbone. I tilt my head into his palm, closing my eyes and letting the warmth from his hand seep into my skin. When he touches me, everything in my world feels right, back on track.

“No, I’m not leaving. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to leave you again.” He exhales before reaching to tuck some hair behind my ear.

Relief floods through my system, and my muscles relax. “I still don’t know where we stand.”

Noah’s eyes narrow slightly, and he considers how to respond. “I don’t either, but I hope we can figure it out together.”

“Do you regret leaving?”

His thumb stills for a second on my cheek but then resumes its motion. “Every day, but I thought it was the right decision at the time. I was young and all I wanted to do was keep you from getting hurt more than you already had been by then. I just didn’t realize that I was hurting you most by leaving when you needed me.”

“I wish things were different for us,” I whisper, looking into his eyes. “All I wanted was you.”

“I know, Parks. I feel the same way.”

I’m hesitant as I mutter the words on the tip of my tongue. “After New York, you said that someday we could be together. Is it someday yet?”

I think back to the scrawled out note Noah left me after I found him in New York all those years ago. The words I've read so many times they linger in the back of my mind. I’ve read them more times than I can count.

There is nothing I want more than for you to have everything you want, but that can't be me. Not yet.

Noah looks deep in thought as he brings his hand and rests it in the crook of my neck, his large thumb resting on the angle of my jaw where he moves it in small circles. His fingers leave a warm trail across my skin, and I wet my lips, feeling my heart rate pick up slightly in anticipation of what he’ll say next. Hope tingles in the back of my neck and my breath catches.

You are everything to me. Never forget that. I'll never forget you. That's all I can promise, for now.

He leans forward and presses a kiss to my forehead, then pulls away and rests his head on mine, his gaze smoldering until I feel like I might incinerate. Underneath his gaze I come alive. My soul flares and for the first time in what feels like forever, I feelseen. Noah knows me, he knows how I'm feeling because we're one and the same.

“Soon, Parks. I promise."

Chapter 11

Noah

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