Page 120 of Chasing Infinity

I’m unsure if it’s the motherly way she asks or the kindness on her face, but I feel the tears threaten to start again. I don’t know Catherine McCoy very well, but at the moment, I want her to step forward and wrap me in a hug and tell me that everything is going to be okay.

“I’m okay,” I squeak, but it doesn’t sound convincing even to me. Catherine’s eyes soften, and she steps closer as if she is going to hug me, but then she stops. A myriad of emotions plays across her face as she fidgets with her fingers, clearly unsure how to handle this situation. Noah’s hand tightens around my own in a comforting squeeze.

“Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you need anything. I’m here for you in any way that I can be,” Catherine says, and I can tell she means it. She then looks at Noah. “We should head home so you can get some rest and clean up. You’ve had a long night.”

“Mom, I’m fine….” Noah whines, sounding exasperated. Catherine holds up her finger to cut him off and gives him that look that all mothers know, daring you to disagree with them. Noah exhales, his shoulders dropping, and he looks at me. “I’ll try and come back in a few hours.”

My heart aches at the thought of him leaving, but I know he needs to sleep and get some food too. “Go. I’ll be fine.” I try to give him a reassuring smile, but I’m certain it doesn’t reach my eyes.

Noah stands but then leans down across the railing of my bed. His lips press against my forehead, and he breathes through his nose, inhaling my scent. I close my eyes, appreciating his closeness. When he pulls away, his eyes are tender.

“I’ll see you soon, Parks.”

“Okay,” I mouth.

“I’ll send in your friends on my way out, so you’re not alone,” He tells me solemnly.

Alone.

For the first time, the weight of that word truly sinks in, and it finally hits me. I’m alone. I have no one. My parents are gone. Their business is gone. All I have left are Noah and my friends.

As Noah steps out of the room, a single tear leaks out of the corner of my eye, tracking down my cheek. Then the floodgates open, and I let the grief take over my body.

Alone, alone, alone.

Again I find myself slowly slipping into a panic, my thoughts spiraling as it all becomes too much. What am I going to do? Where am I going to live? What about the café? From what Noah told me, it’s basically destroyed, but I don’t know what that means for me now. How will I pay for college? Did my parents have a will?

More sobs wrack my entire body, and I gasp, trying to get air between the tears. I vaguely register the door clicking open, and someone is beside me again.Noah?My heart flutters at those striking blue eyes that can calm me. But a stab of disappointment settles in my gut as I see Charlie.

“Addie, what’s going on? Are you in pain? Should I call the nurse?” Charlie questions as he comes to sit right next to me. I vaguely notice Grace trailing in after him. Her dark eyes convey worry as she takes the spot on the left side of my bed. Eli stands behind Grace, shifting between his feet, arms across his chest.

I manage to shake my head. “I have nothing left. Everything is gone,” I wail.

Charlie hesitates a moment before maneuvering the bed rail down so he can lean closer and wrap me in a hug. His strong arms encircle my shoulders, and he pulls me close to him. I hug him tight, my arms wrapping around his neck as I bury my face into his shoulder. I notice a hand stroking along my back, probably Grace offering comfort in the only way she can think.

He lets me cry against him, and I take the opportunity. The grief shatters through me, and the more I cry, the worse it gets until I’m hysterical. All my memories with my parents, like birthdays and Christmases, run through my mind on a loop. Then when those stop, I start thinking about all the moments they won’t be around for anymore. College graduation, my wedding, my children—they will have no part of that.

As I cry, I ask myself over and over,why me?Why did this have to happen to me? What did I do wrong to deserve this kind of torture? It simply isn’t fair.

“I’m all alone,” I choke out against my friend. Charlie sits back, placing his hand on my shoulder and looking at me earnestly.

“You’re not,” Grace says from her post on my left side. Her warm brown eyes are wide, and I notice tears welling up along the line of her lower lid. “We’re here—Eli and Charlie are here for you, and you’ve got Noah ready to move mountains at your word. And you’ll always have me.”

“I know all that,” I tell her. “But I feel so empty. I’ll never be able to go to my mom when I need her or ask my dad questions when I need guidance.”

“We won’t be able to replace them,” Charlie agrees, and though it hurts to hear him say it, I appreciate the blunt truth. “But I’m not sure if you want us to replace them. Let them live in your memory as they were. There will be pain, but you can also look back and remember all the wonderful times. The ones that will one day bring back your smile and laughter at those beloved memories. I know that’s going to be hard right now, and it will probably never be any less painful to think about, but they would want you to continue trying to live your life for them.”

I sniffle but nod my head, looking between my three best friends. “I don’t know what I would do without you. Just promise you won’t leave me too.”

“I promise you, Addie,” Charlie starts, holding my gaze intently. “You willneverbe alone. You’ll always have us, and I know Eli will tell you the same thing.” I turn my gaze to Eli, who gives me a weak smile and nods. “If you need a family, let us be it. We won’t let you down.”

It may be the conviction in his tone or the steadiness of his gaze, but I believe him. I hold onto that, letting it be the tether that keeps me from unraveling completely. As long as I have people who love me, I’ll never be alone.

Chapter 30

Noah

Noah - Age 18

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