Page 31 of Chasing Infinity

I snake my hand down my belly, resorting to using my fingers to get myself there as he continues moving against me. I’m still not fast enough. Eli groans and buries himself deep inside of me before stilling. His head rests against my shoulder, his sweaty forehead sticking to my skin.

Immediately the fuse is dampened, and I know I’m not going to get my turn tonight with him, not that I’m surprised. Sex with Eli can be great, but there have been more times than I can count that I’ve had to finish myself off after the fact. My head drops back against the pillow, and I exhale, my breath ruffling Eli’s dark hair.

“That was amazing,” he whispers, pushing himself up on his hands, so he’s hovering over me. His eyes glitter at me, and I offer him a small smile in response. “You’re amazing. Did you finish?”

I know he knows I didn’t, so I don’t bother lying. “No, but that’s okay. You know I don’t always.”

Apprehension clouds his eyes. “Do you want to stay the night? I could run us a bath or a shower, and then maybe we could go for round two in a little.”

I press my hand against his chest, silently telling him to get off of me. My stomach is hurting from the knot of built-up pressure, and I feel too warm still. “I think I’m going to head home, actually. I’m pretty tired.”

Eli’s face falls in disappointment, but he masks it right away. “No problem, I get it.”

I find my jeans across the room and pull them on. He watches me as I do so. I look back at him and purse my lips before deciding that I’ll talk to him about everything tomorrow. I’m not that cruel. I’ll just let tonight be tonight and end things later when he’s not in post-coital bliss.

“Do you want me to drive you home? It’s kind of late,” he says, standing up, still stark naked but not ashamed. I chuckle and find his jeans on the floor, holding them up in front of him and shaking my head.

“No, I can get home. It’s not too far of a walk. Thank you, though,” I tell him. The walk in the brisk night air might do me some good, actually. It might help dissipate the deep ache that I’m feeling due to my lack of release.

Eli steps towards me and cups my face with both hands, bringing my lips to his in a kiss. I kiss him back, but it does nothing for me. When he pulls away, his lips are in a thin line, his eyes studying me intently. Eli isn’t stupid, and I see the wheels turning in his head, trying to piece together the motives behind my actions. Usually, I would stay the night with him. But I’m not feeling it tonight.

“Goodnight, Addie.”

“Night,” I offer him a smile before leaving.

The night is cold, winter just around the corner. My boots crunch against old brown leaves scattered across the sidewalk, giving off a satisfying sound. The town is quiet. The only noises are the occasional car driving past or the rustle of wind in the trees. I look up at the sky, noting it’s clear, the bright stars twinkling against their black background. I exhale into the night, noting I can see my breath swirling in front of me, and start my trek home.

When I finally get there, the apartment is dark, and I assume Noah’s sleeping already. I close the front door as quietly as possible and then tiptoe into my bedroom. The cool air did nothing to soothe the ache that still lingers. Need courses through my body. My lower belly is wound up so tightly that as soon as I’m in my room, I close and lock the door, turning on the fan by my bed to the highest setting to drown out any noise.

I shuck off my pants and crawl underneath my covers, reaching for my vibrator in my bedside drawer. My hand slips under the band of my panties, and I let out a breathy moan as my finger brushes the most sensitive part of my body. Dipping my fingers through my wetness, I know it won’t be long until I find release. I need this so bad. I use my fingers at first, letting the pressure build until they’re just not enough to push me over the edge. When I get to that point, I grab my vibrator, turn it on, and shove it under the covers. I sigh, relieved when the vibrations course through my body right where I need them.

My eyes squeeze shut as I get closer and closer, small whimpers leaving my lips despite my best efforts to contain them. I’m right there, right at the edge, and I gasp for breath, feeling beads of sweat form on my forehead as I chase it. Right at the last moment before I crash over the precipice, Noah’s steely silver eyes pop into my mind.

The pleasure floods over me like a tsunami, and I groan out Noah’s name as I feel everything crumble around me. I can practically feel his hands on me as I come harder than I have in a long time, as if he’s right there next to me, coaxing me and encouraging me. The dirty words he would say to me echo in my ears, making me quiver, prolonging the pleasure.

When the contractions from my orgasm wane, I open my eyes and stare at my ceiling, even though I can’t see anything in the darkness. Rolling onto my side, I drop my vibrator onto the bedside table and take a deep breath, trying to calm my racing heart.

I’ve only had sex with Noah once, but it was good enough that I’ve never forgotten it. No one has ever lived up to my experience with Noah, and now he’s right outside my bedroom door, and my heart is begging me to throw all reason out the window. A part of me burns with embarrassment at the fact that I just got off to the image of my house guest. The other part yearns for me to go to him and let him take care of me like I know he would.

I close my eyes and settle into my pillow, letting my mind imagine what would happen if I did go out to the living room to see Noah. Would he push me away? Or would he push all rationality aside and take me in his arms, kissing me until I see stars?

I shiver, thinking about the way Noah knows how to kiss me. It’s been years since our lips have touched, but I can still feel the intensity and weight of his mouth on mine. He would wrap his hands around my waist, pulling me into his lap until we were flush together. His hard length would press against me, and—Stop it, I tell myself with a groan, burying my face into my pillow.

Desire coils tightly in my belly again, and I try and take a few deep breaths to dissipate it. There’s no way I will get any sleep tonight if I keep thinking about him like that. I roll over onto my back and pull my covers up to my chin. It’s going to be a long night.

When morning finally does come—after a night of endless tossing and turning—I roll out of bed with a few muttered curses. I stumble out of my room and into the kitchen, where I grab a mug and fill it with water, sticking it in the microwave to heat up. I find my favorite tea out of the cupboard and pull out a bag right as my water is done warming up.

“How was your date last night?” I hear a low rumble from across the room.

His voice startles me, and I jump, splashing water onto the counter. I give Noah a quick glance and then look back at my cup of tea, dunking the teabag in and out.

“It was good.”

“Yeah? Is that why I heard you getting yourself off with your vibrator last night?”

My jaw falls open as I turn and blink at him, dumbfounded. He fixes me with a solid stare, raising a challenging eyebrow in my direction. We face each other silently for a few moments, him waiting on me to admit something and me not willing to cave.

Finally, Noah stands up from his spot on the couch and walks over to the kitchen. I try my hardest to keep my eyes to myself. Still, I feel my cheeks heating up at the sight of him sauntering across the living room in only a pair of sweatpants, his torso completely bare.

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