Page 142 of Chasing Infinity

I look at my friend fondly. “Thanks for helping out today, Eli. I really, really appreciate it.”

“Of course, Addie. I wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else.”

The night is brisk, and I wrap my jacket tighter around my shoulders. I don’t really want to be standing out here in the dark. I’d much rather go upstairs and put my feet up. However, I also don’t want just to dismiss Eli after he took time out of his day to help me out in my moment of need.

I study Eli for a moment, weighing over the idea in my mind. Finally, I gear up and ask him, “Want to come upstairs and watch a movie or something? I’m exhausted, but I don’t feel like being alone.”

Eli blinks at me, his eyebrows rising in surprise and his eyes brightening. It takes him only a moment’s hesitation before he nods his head and steps closer to me, accepting the metaphorical olive branch I’m extending. “Yeah, Addie. I’d love that.”

I motion for him to follow me upstairs to my apartment, and he doesn’t hesitate. Together we walk up. Today was all about new beginnings, and somehow I feel like this choice I just made to invite Eli upstairs is another fresh start.

Chapter 35

Noah & Addison

Noah - Age 25

For what feels like the millionth time, I roll over in my bed and reach for my phone resting on the nightstand. My eyes squint as I press the power button, lighting up the screen so I can see the time. A groan nearly escapes me when I realize it’s only been half an hour since I last checked. My arm drapes over my forehead as I lean back against my pillow.

I blink my eyes against the darkness, willing sleep to come, but my brain is in overdrive. Tomorrow is the day I’ve been working toward for the last year or so. I’ve searched and dug for every bit of information I could scrounge together, filing it all away in a folder until I was confident I had everything I needed to present a solid case.

The last aspect of my whole case came today in the mail. When I pulled out the letter informing me that the name change was official, I think my heart might have stopped for a second.

Noah Lockwood.

It has a nice ring to it, but it will take some getting used to.

For the first fifteen years of my life, I was under the impression that I was born into significant privilege just because of my last name. The McCoys were the ones who had everything figured out, and everyone else was simply inferior. My father is mostly to blame for that ideology; he holds high esteem for the family name and set a certain standard for my mother and me to follow in his shadow. There was no going back once I discovered how wrong I was about my father and the whole belief system he brought me into.

It wasn’t until I was employed by the FBI two years ago and began looking deeper into my father that I realized the depth and severity of the lies I was told. As I dug, I noticed the patterns, and if I looked close enough, I could easily see my father’s involvement in several offenses. However, the problem was that there was no definitive proof. If my father was anything, it was good at covering his tracks. But the more I searched, the more the list just kept growing, and with it, my despair that I had even been involved with him.

Changing my name was one of the easiest decisions I’ve ever made. Ever since I was fifteen and started to question the integrity of the McCoy legacy, I’ve found myself drifting further and further from it. After calling my mother and telling her what I planned to do, she insisted I take her maiden name. As I said, it has a nice ring, and I don’t regret it.

Not to say I don’t have regrets. I have lots of them. But in this case, I find the shedding of my last name almost ceremonial. It’s time for all of this to come to an end.

Realizing that sleep isn’t coming to me tonight, I throw off the blankets and roll out of bed. I run another hot shower, trying to clear my mind. Once I’m toweled off, I set up camp on my couch and start flipping through everything I’ve compiled together. I’ve looked over this more times than I can count. The words have a permanent place in my brain, and I could probably recite my proposition from memory.

I run my hand over my face again, looking at a page outlining my father’s suspected crimes from seven years ago. Still, this is one of the more difficult sections for me. I still have no definitive proof that my father was behind the fire at the Parks’ café, but deep in my heart, I know.

My finger runs over the names of Addison’s parents, noting their cause of death and the details of the autopsy report I received from Charlie a while back. A hollow ache forms in my chest, and my fist moves to my sternum, trying to rub away the discomfort.

This is why.

It’s been years since I’ve seen her, but there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about how her eyes would sparkle with joy or the curve of her lips as she grinned at me when I was being stupid. I miss her more than words can describe. Even all these years later, I can’t help but feel cheated out of the time that I could’ve spent with her.

I still think my leaving was the best thing for her. It was important to me that Addison get a chance to live her best life; at the time, I wasn’t sure if that included me. My father was clear with his threat; if I wanted to keep her safe, my best choice was to leave.

Hopefully, someday, once this is over, I’ll be able to find her and do my best to explain everything. A large part of me is hopeful that she left Willow Heights and went away to a big fancy university. Maybe she’s working on a master’s or a doctorate. Addison Parks has the potential to run this entire world if she wants.

But no matter where she is, once I’ve put my father away where he belongs and I no longer have him lingering in the back of my mind, I’ll find her. And I’ll never let her go again.

It takes a few hours, but finally, I doze off on the couch, getting an hour or two of much-needed sleep. In the morning, I stop first at my favorite coffee shop on the way to the Bureau. Coffee is non-negotiable this morning. After not getting hardly any sleep last night, my nerves already feel on edge, and the dark circles under my eyes prove my rough night.

When I have my black coffee in my hand, I make my way to my desk, saying good morning to a few of the other agents on my way.

After Addison came to visit me in New York, I moved down here to interview for a dispatching position for the Metropolitan Police Department. It was a decent job that gave me some experience. I also worked on getting my master’s degree online to kill time on days I wasn’t working. Luck happened to be on my side with this position, too, one of my managers had a brother who worked for the FBI, and he was able to put a good word in for me as soon as I sent in my application.

I applied to the Bureau as soon as I turned twenty-three and went through the lengthy interview process, which involved interviews, written exams, and physical fitness tests. The whole process took months, but finally, I got the job. It’s been a journey, but now that I’m where I’m supposed to be, it’s been worth it.

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