Page 137 of Chasing Infinity

“Thank you,” she whispers, pressing a kiss to my spine. I close my eyes and drop my head, taking a deep breath before turning around to face her. My hands come up to cup her cheeks, and I press my lips to hers.

When I pull away, I lean my forehead on hers, holding her gaze. “It was mypleasure. You’re amazing, Parks. Come on. The bath is ready.”

I hold her hand as she steps into the tub and sinks into the water. Once she’s in, I settle behind her, spreading my legs along the edges of the big tub so that she can rest against my chest. She nestles in against me and turns her head, so her cheek is against my chest. I kiss her hair, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her closer to me.

After a moment, I hear her mutter, “I usually can’t finish.”

“Hmm?”

“I usually can’t finish when I’m having sex. Like actual sex,” Addison says softly. “But you were hitting something so perfectly that I couldn’t help it.”

I press my lips into her hair again and smile. Further proof that we are made for each other. “Well, I’m glad to have been of service to you.”

Addison sighs happily against me. “I’ve missed you so much, Noah. You have no idea.”

“I do,” I tell her. “I’ve missed you too, Parks. It’s always been you. You know that.”

She goes quiet for a moment, and I hear her sniffle. “I wish things were different. I wish you could come home.”

“Maybe someday,” I say wistfully, then I brace myself. “But Parks, I don’t want you to wait for me.”

She stiffens against me and then sits up in the tub, turning around so that she can look at me. She brings her knees up to her chest as her eyes meet mine. “What? How can you say that?”

“I don’t want you to wait forsomeday. You deserve better than that, Parks.”

“But, Noah, I do—”

I lean forward and catch her lips, effectively cutting her off. It’s not the right time for that yet. “I know, Parks. Me too.”

She pulls away from me and swipes at a tear that has snuck from the corner of her eye. Seeing her do that guts me, but I know this is for the best. “Why? Why shouldn’t I wait for you?”

I sigh and run my hands over her hair. “Because I don’t know whensomedayis going to be. It could be a year from now, or it could be ten years. I don’t want to make promises I can’t keep.”

“Noah—”

“Please, Addison, just listen to me.” Her mouth snaps shut when I call her by her first name. “It’s not too late; you can still apply to those big universities you wanted to attend. Get your chemistry degree, and become a scientist like you’ve always wanted to. Win all the awards, and change science as we know it. You can doanythingyou want. I’m not holding you back.”

“But I want you, Noah.”

I look at my girl sadly, “I know. I want you too. But I can’t offer you more than what I have tonight. You have to move on. And if someday does roll around, I’ll find you, and hopefully, you’ll be married, maybe with a few kids. You’ll be happy. And I’ll be happy for you.”

“And if I’m not?” she asks me softly.

“Then we’ll reevaluate,” I tell her with a rueful smile. “But I want you to leave Willow Heights. Get away from that shitty town and start a new life. Charlie will help you as much as he can. I know he will.”

“This sucks,” Parks says, swiping at another tear. “Why does it have to be this way? If you want me to leave so badly, why can’t I just come be with you?”

I reach for her, pulling her against my chest again and wrapping my arms tightly around her. I could die a happy man just knowing I’ve gotten to hold her like this. “It’s just how it needs to be right now, sweetheart. I wish it were different. I wish I could keep you.”

She doesn’t say anything more on the subject. She just lets me hold her until the bath water runs cold. I drain the tub and let her dry off before scooping her into my arms again and taking her back to bed. We lay on our sides facing each other, and I hitch her leg over my hip before sliding into her again, finding her wet and ready for me. A groan escapes me as I seat myself fully inside her, going as deep as possible until I feel the deepest part of her. I take her gently this time, kissing away the tears that slide down her cheeks and knowing this might very well be the last time I see her—all the while hoping it’s not.

When we both find our releases, we snuggle closer together, basking in each other’s closeness. I wrap my arm around her waist and pull her flush against me, tucking one of my legs between hers. Our embrace is intimate, one that lovers find themselves in.

She falls asleep shortly after that, and I doze until the sun rises, and then I untangle myself from her. I wander around the room, pulling my discarded clothes on and locating the little notepad that the hotel provides. My heart hurts, and my stomach twists as I scrawl out a note. I keep telling myself that this is the best for her. I want her to have everything her heart desires, even though I can’t find it in myself to give myself to her entirely. Not yet. There are still things I need to do, things I need to set into motion before we can live our lives without constantly looking over our shoulders.

Someday, when all is said and done, I’ll hopefully be able to give her everything, my heart and soul, and everything I have. Lord knows she already owns me. Once I’m done writing my note, I lean over the edge of the bed and pull the comforter over her shoulder before pressing a kiss to her temple. I leave my note on the table next to her and pray that someday comes soon.

Dear Parks,

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