Page 126 of Chasing Infinity

My heart cracks in half, the strings holding me together snapping in two, but I force myself to keep it together, though the sight of her in pain does horrible things to me. All I want to do is make her happy, and fill her days with smiles and laughter. But here I am doing the exact opposite. “That’s why I have to go. It’s for the best. I need you to trust me.”

Her eyes scour my face, searching for anything that will tell her what the hell is going on. “You know I trust you, but I don’t understand.”

I look up at the sky, never feeling more trapped in my entire life. I don’t want this. I don’t want to leave her right now, or ever. But I know my father, and I know he’s not bluffing. If I don’t do what he says, he’ll take it out on her, and Ican’tlet that happen.

Just a few days ago, I was starting to map out my whole future with her, and now I’m standing here telling her that we won’t have a future together. Somehow my life has gotten twisted into this nightmare, and I’m hoping that any moment I’ll wake up and things will be normal. I want to wake up in a world where Addison’s parents are alive and well, and she and I are together.

As I stand there staring at her, begging me to give her answers, all I can think about is how much time we’ve wasted. All those years, we went back and forth, skirting around our feelings for each other. We could’ve been together then. I wonder if things would have been different if we hadn’t been too afraid to take the leap. But I’ll never know.

I wish we would’ve had more time. I would have liked to do everything with her.

But now…? It’s over.

Addison’s confusion and worry morph into frustration when I don’t say anything else. I can see it on her face so clearly. She doesn’t understand andhatesnot knowing what’s happening. “Noah, this isn’t like you. Just tell me what the hell is going on.”

I shake my head. “Ican’t, Parks.”

“It’s your dad, isn’t it? He’s done something or said something to you that’s scared you off.” I school my features, not giving anything away, even though she’s hit the nail right on the head. She exhales. “Noah, you promised.”

“What?” I ask. I promised her a lot of things that I’m inherently going back on now.

“You promised me you wouldn’t let him ruin your life.”

I close my eyes and breathe harshly through my nose. I want so desperately to tell her that I’m doing this, so he doesn’t hurt her more than he already has. That my leaving here is the only thing I can do to keep her safe.

But I don’t.

“Well, I guess I lied.”

I see my words’ weight as they land in front of us like a pound of bricks. Her face goes slack with shock, and then slowly anger starts to form. She shakes her head vehemently at me, unaccepting.

“No. You don’t get to do this. You can’t justleaveafter all we’ve been through, everythingI’vebeen through. I don’t want you to go.”

“I have to,” I tell her. “I don’t have a choice.”

“Youalwayshave a choice!” she shouts at me. A part of me is grateful she’s mad. If her being angry at me is what it takes for her to accept this, then so be it. I realize that this is when I have to turn away from her and never look back.

“I don’t want this. I’m sorry, but I have to go. Goodbye, Parks.”

“Noah, wait.”

My heart shatters into ten million pieces as I walk away from her. I hear her calling after me, telling me to stop, but I don’t. I can’t. The pain in her voice is like a dagger to my heart, and each step I take away from her only plunges the blade deeper. I get in my truck and start it up. Before I turn down the street, I glance in my rearview mirror, getting one last good look at her. I don’t know if or when I’ll ever see her again, so I take her in, appreciating her beauty.

She’s standing where I left her, arms wrapped tightly around her body as if to hold herself together. The white bandage covering her burn is stark against the dark blue shirt she’s wearing. Even from here, I can see the redness of her nose and the tears starting to spill down her cheeks.

My eyes burn with unshed tears, and I clench my jaw so tightly it hurts. I’m doing this for her. To keep her safe. I’ve already inadvertently ruined her life; I don’t know if I could live with myself if anything else happened to her. I can’t be selfish when it comes to this, comes to her.

The ultimatum was clear. There is only one way for me to move forward. I hope someday I’ll get my chance to come back and explain everything to her, and maybe things will work out. But I can’t bank on that. As long as she’s happy and safe andalive, that’s all I care about.

I drive slowly, taking my time to drink her in one last time. Then I flick on my turn signal and spin the wheel until she’s out of my sight. As I drive past the city limits of Willow Heights, I note that I feel empty inside, that a piece of me is missing. I’m unsure if I’ll ever be able to fill the gaping hole I’ve created in my heart today.

I squeeze my eyes shut once, then open them, a single tear falling down my cheeks.

I love you, Parks. I hope I’ll see you again someday.

Chapter 31

Noah

---