Page 100 of Chasing Infinity

After a few minutes, she pulls away from me but then turns to face me.

“Happy birthday, Noah,” she whispers. I smile at her and lean my forehead against hers. “It’s your birthday, and yet you’re doing nice things for me, that’s so—do you have a birthday wish? I feel like this is the perfect time to make it. The sun is seconds away from being fully risen.”

I think about it for a moment but then shake my head. “No, I think I’ve got everything—” I pause, then pull away so I can look at her directly as something comes to mind. “Well, there is one thing….”

I know that Addison Parks has not changed her mind about where we stand since our conversation yesterday. But here in this moment, with the sun making her look like she’s an angel from heaven, I kind of don’t care. There’s nothing I want more than her.

As I trail off, Parks’ hazel eyes flare, and her lips part. Silence fills the room, and then, “You’re doing it again. Staring,” she whispers.

“Honestly, Parks, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything more beautiful than you at this moment. So yeah, I’m staring.”

“It’s different this time,” she says.

“Different how?”

Addison swallows but doesn’t take her eyes off mine. “You look like you want to kiss me.”

“What if Idowant to kiss you?”

I can see the wheels in her head-turning, quickly weighing the pros and cons. Our conversation from yesterday plays in the back of my mind, and I wonder if I’m making a mistake, pressing the issue again. Still, as I mentioned, I kind of don’t care. If she says no, I’ll let it be, for good. But if there’s a chance, she’ll say yes, I have to take it.

“Parks, just this once,” I tell her. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about kissing you again.”

“If I let you kiss me, I don’t think it’s going to be just this once,” she replies, and I realize that she doesn’t say no. Her eyes hold mine steady, and I see the internal battle raging within her. Shewantsme to kiss her, but at the same time, she’s scared, worried that opening this door will cause irreparable damage.

“I never want to pressure you into anything, so if you don’t want it, say no, and I’ll never ask again.”

She stares at me, blinks a few times, and then gives a hesitant nod. My mouth goes dry, and I lean forward slightly until I can taste her breath on my lips. It tastes like toothpaste and a hint of French Vanilla creamer from the coffee.

“Noah.” Her voice is barely above a whisper as she leans close until her lips brush mine ever so slightly. I shiver at the sound of my name on her lips and her proximity to me.

All it would take would be for me to shift forward, to close the remaining distance between us. Then I would be kissing her, finally. Every molecule in my body is thrumming with energy, urging me to do it. Telling me to take her lips and show her how much she means to me.

But I don’t.

The rational part of my brain tells me that the right time is not now. She didn’t say no, but she didn’t technically say yes either. I want more than just a hesitant nod of her head. I want her to want me like I want her.

Parks is right. Things will change if I do this right now—close the distance and kiss her like I want. And though that might be everything that I want, if there’s a chance that she’s doubting or not ready for that, I need to wait. I’m not going to be that guy. If I push her, she might turn away from me, which sounds like a fate worse than not being able to kiss her right now. I decide right then and there that Parks and I will have our time someday. Even if it takes years—whichGod, I hope it doesn’t—she’d be worth the wait.

So instead of moving forward, I angle my chin back from her and close my eyes. I can feel the surprise coursing through Addison’s body, and she attempts to move away from me.

“Wait, don’t pull away…not yet,” I whisper to her. My hand raises towards her neck, and I cup the edge of her jaw with my thumb, holding her in place. I smooth gentle circles over the skin of her cheek, falling in love with the feel of her soft skin underneath my hand. “Let’s just savor this for a minute.”

With great restraint, I pull my forehead away from hers and inhale through my nose, trying to let the oxygen clear my head. Her eyelids flutter open, and hazel meets blue. I can see everything that she’s fighting not to say. Her breath falls against my lips, and I long to take her lips in mine and kiss her until we both forget why we shouldn’t. I want to wrap my arms around her thin frame and lean her back on this blanket we brought. I’ve dreamt about what she would feel like against me, the warmth of her body pressed into mine. I would hold her tight, ravish her, and show her what it’s like to be cherished.

I want it so bad that my gut has a hollow ache. I look back at the now risen sun and grit my teeth, holding my control tightly.

“We should probably get going before your parents notice you’re missing,” I tell her with a low voice. Addison rolls her lips into a thin line and nods her head.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers to me, her eyes glued to the blanket we’re sitting on.

I frown at her and then reach my hand to cup her chin, bringing her eyes back to mine. “Why are you sorry?”

“For not letting you—“

“Don’t.” I cut her off. “It’s not all about me, you know. I want you to be ready for this, and I hope you will someday be. But until then, I’ll back off.”

“Noah, I don’t want you to back off…I just—I’m scared—“

---