Page 33 of It Started in the Chatroom

ChapterFourteen

CIARA

Ispent the next few days at the animal shelter, taking on the dirtiest, grossest jobs that the other volunteers didn’t want to do. I had to do something to stop myself from thinking about the travesty that was my life and Nathan’s public proposal.

He and I had exchanged a few texts back and forth since the party, but nothing substantial, and barely any face-to-face time. Through it all, though I tried, I couldn’t bring myself to put on a happy face when I felt so rejected.

I had chosen to ignore the reality of our situation, instead favoring my daydreams of a happily-ever-after. I was one step short of picking out dining room china for a place I’d only live in for, at most, a few months. I had allowed myself to feel something for Nathan, instead of treating our relationship as what it was: a business decision.

I was stupid, playing at house. And as they say, play stupid games…win stupid prizes.

To make matters worse, the whole situation reminded me that when this was all over, everyone in town would know, and I would be considered damaged goods. After all, who wanted a woman who got married on a whim, only to be divorced six months later? Anyone who approached me would think something had to have been wrong with me for me to lose Nathan.

All the more reason to get into that animation program and escape.

This thought didn’t help me, and none of my usual coping mechanisms worked either. Watching romcoms made me think about how quickly I had gotten wrapped up in my daydreams. Listening to my favorite songs reminded me of how we shared a love of early 2000s rock music. Submitting my animation degree application and portfolio reminded me of how I was planning to pay for the program by marrying him.

In short, I was useless for anything else but mucking cages at the shelter.

I picked up the kitten in the last cage, smiling into her mournful face. “There there,” I cooed. “Your home will be clean enough soon.”

“I was hoping I’d find you here.”

I whipped around at the voice that was familiar yet out of place at the shelter. Nathan was standing there in jeans and another soft-looking sweater, this one in burnt sienna. He was playing with his watch, a fidgety gesture with a nervous facial expression to match. He looked as handsome as ever, and his anxiety made me want to reach out and reassure him. At the same time, his mere presence set my teeth on edge.

Even though seeing him brought back my anger from days ago, I swallowed it in favor of not making a scene. “Hey,” I said, putting the kitten back in the cage. “How’d you find me?”

His mouth quirked up on one side, a rueful gesture, but he also seemed somewhat embarrassed. “I stopped by your house and asked your dad,” he admitted. He cupped the back of his neck. “I hope that’s okay.”

I shrugged, a grain of defiance making its way to the surface. I didn’t want to make waves, sure, but that didn’t mean that I had to be anything more than cordial. “It’s fine,” I said. “Did you need something?”

Nathan dropped his hand from his neck, looking sheepish. “Actually, yes,” he said. “Mack brought it to my attention that we should have a proper bridal party of some sort. Probably in the next couple of weeks. No use in waiting on that.”

I nodded. “Makes sense.”

We stood in awkward silence for a few moments before Nathan cleared his throat. “Did I do something wrong?” he blurted. “I noticed you’ve been…distant, since the party. Not that you’ve been unfriendly or anything,” he was quick to add. “Just…something’s different.”

I shrugged. “Nope, everything’s fine.”

There were a few more moments of awkward silence before Nathan shifted his feet, playing with his watch again. “Well, okay. If you’re sure…”

“I’m sure.” I tried to smile, not sure how it looked to him. It felt awkward and unwieldy on my face, and it took effort to keep it there.

Nathan’s shoulders relaxed, and I felt a twinge of resentment.Great, now he thinks everything is fine.

But isn’t it though?I grimaced. Everything had gone according to plan: we had a public proposal; we had signed all the papers, and everyone seemed to believe that we were so in love that we were ready to get married. As far as Nathan was concerned, things were great.

But if my inability to overcome my disappointment was any indication, things were not fine.

I couldn’t get past the proposal. Even though I knew I was entering into a contract rather than a love match, I still had held out hope that Nathan and I were forming a genuine connection. I felt pulled to him in a way I didn’t feel with any other guy before him. And I thought he was feeling that pull, too.

Besides, I had always imagined being proposed to in a more romantic way. At least with flowers. And a ring.

But none of that happened. Disappointment, shame, and anger were sharp in my chest, to the point where it caused me literal pain to think about Nathan, let alone see him.

But here we stood.

He smiled. “Just as a heads-up, Mack is going to reach out to you about the engagement party. She’s been waiting to plan someone’s wedding for forever, and now she has her chance. Don’t let her bulldoze you.”

---