Page 50 of Savage Assassin

I miss you.My lips form the words, silently, spoken to someone who is no longer here to hear them. I can see her in my head, closer than she’s been in a long time–all long blonde hair and bright blue eyes, that attitude that both infuriated me and made me fall in love with her radiating out from her delicate face.

I never knew, before Lidiya, what it felt like to be in love. I never thought I would know. I had given it up as something that would never be a part of my life. To have experienced it and then have it so cruelly ripped away is something that I never want to feel again.

There’s something about Elena that pulls me in, that distracts me in a way that I haven’t been in years. Not just a feeling of protectiveness towards her, or even the desire that I keep trying to pretend that I don’t feel, but a curiosity about her that I know I shouldn’t indulge. I’d thought I was past the point of feeling something like that–especially when it comes to someone so naive–but I can feel the first twinges of it. I know the kind of danger it would put us both in. More than that, I know the ways it could hurt her.

The waysIcould hurt her.

Elena is very different from Lidiya, in so many ways. But there are things about them that I see in common–the tenacity, the bravery, the fire that Elena has. It’s a quieter kind of fire, one that comes out when she’s challenged or threatened, and all of those things are so very similar to the things that made me fall in love before, all those years ago.

If I’m not careful, if I let her too close, I could end up making the same mistakes again–this time with someone too young, too innocent for the damage that my past and my future could do to her.

And I’m responsible for her. I can’t forget that.

I can’t fail her. I can’t fail to protect her the way I did Lidiya.

Just the thought of going back to sleep next to her brings my desire raging back, my half-hard cock pressing painfully against my jeans as I grit my teeth. It’s going to be a long night if I don’t manage to take the edge off.

Glancing back once more at Elena to make sure she’s still sleeping, I shift so that my back is to her, my hand slipping into my jeans. I have to bite back a groan the moment my hand wraps around myself, my oversensitized cock throbbing against my hand instantly after having had to stop before.

I shouldn’t think of her. I close my eyes, trying to think of anything else, like I had back at Diego’s. But just like then, it feels impossible. Then it had been the thought of her in the bed on the other side of the door, her hand between her thighs. Now it’s the all-too-close memory of her body so close to mine, her nose almost brushing mine, her breath warm against my cheek. It would have been so easy to have her. She fuckingwantedit.

It’s entirely on me to keep this from going too far, and right now, the thread of my self-control feels on the verge of snapping.

My hand tightens around my cock as I stroke faster, giving myself over to the fantasy, if only so I can finish this. I’m so fucking close, and I imagine her arching back against me, her leg hooked over mine, the heat of her as I slide into her from behind with my hand on her hip, pulling her into me.

God, it would be so fucking good.

I can almost hear the sound of her moans as I thrust into her, filling her up, my hand sliding around her hip to slip between her slick folds, rubbing her clit until she spasms and cries out, coming hard on my cock.

That’s what tips me over the edge, a groan slipping through my clenched teeth as I lean forward on my knees, my hips thrusting as I fuck my fist the way I wish I were fucking Elena right now, eyes closed as I envision the dark spill of her hair over my chest as I let myself fantasize for just one second that I’m coming inside of her instead of over the sandy beach.

Fuck.I sag forward as the last shudders of pleasure ripple through me, my cock throbbing one last time as the last of my cum spills out onto the sand. Then I feel my body go lax, the guilt following immediately on the heels of pleasure.

I’ve got to stop letting myself think of her like that.

It’s a slippery fucking slope, and I know it. Letting myself imagine it is a path to being unable to stop myself from finding out the reality, and I’ve been around long enough to know that.

At least now I should be able to sleep next to her without an erection so hard it hurts. How I’ll feel when I wake up in the morning is anyone’s guess.

I tell myself when I go back to the blankets and lay down next to her, curling myself around her back as I tug the top blanket over us both, that I’m sleeping next to her to keep her warm and safe.

That it has nothing to do with wanting to have her in my arms.

But as I close my eyes, feeling the warmth of her sinking into me, feeling her squirm back a little in her sleep to be closer, I know I’m going to sleep better than I have in years.

Elena

Iwake up alone on the rumpled blanket, much to my disappointment.

Levin is on the other side of the makeshift fire pit, rummaging through the bag of supplies. I sit up, letting the blanket drop away. The sun is up, and like Levin had warned me, it’s already getting hot.

At the sound of me sitting up, he twists around, glancing over toward me. “How did you sleep?” he asks, pulling out two more of the MRE pouches. “How are you feeling?”

“Sore. Like I slept on the ground.” I give him a wry half-smile. “First time for everything, I guess.”

I see him flinch at that, and I realize what I said a moment too late. “I think the plane crash probably didn’t help either.”

My side twinges at that, as if the reminder made the stitched-up wound on my side ache, and I reach for the hem of my shirt, tugging it up a little on the side.

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