Page 46 of Last Call

“Ooh, I love sparklyeverything. Look! My shorts are sparkly.” She stands up and shows us the booty shorts she’s wearing. “Sparkles Delight was my stage name back in my college days.”

“Er, what do ye mean, yer stage name?” Connor asks.

“Oh my god, do you sing?” I ask, about to pee in my pants with excitement. I can imagine Penny and me singing karaoke duets wearing matching sparkly outfits. Connor places a hand on my bouncing knee.

“Oh, no, I can’t carry a tune. I was a dancer and then a roller derby queen after I dropped out of college. It wasn’t for me.”

“A woman of many talents.” I nod my head and try to dial back my excitement when Connor pinches my side.

“Do ye have any questions for us?” Connor asks in his serious business voice.

“Yes. How soon could I move in with you?”

“Right away!” I nod enthusiastically. “We want to get the ball rolling.”

Penny smiles brightly, her shoulders relaxing. “That’s great.”

“Penny, yay or nay to Harry Styles?”

“IloveHarry. How could you not? I’m dying to go to a concert.”

“Me too!” I squeal.

Connor nudges my leg with his. “Okay, Penny, it was nice to meet you. We still have a few more interviews to go—”

I gasp, cutting him off. “Babe, Penny is it. She’s perfect for us. We do not need to look further.”

“TJ…” Connor’s brows knit together.

I hold up my finger. “Penny, one more question. What do you think of the name Bartholomew?”

“Ooh, I think it’s cute. You could call him Bartie for short or Lo-mew.”

“Oh. My. God.” I press my hand to my heart. “I love Lo-mew. It’s like we are long-lost twins finally reunited.”

“Oh, Jesus,” Connor mutters. “Penny, we are very interested, but we still have a few more interviews. We’ll be in touch by tomorrow. It was lovely to meet ye.”

“You too. Um, is he okay?” she asks, pointing to her screen. I’m a blubbering mess as I grab a few tissues from the desk to blot my eyes.

“I’m perfect, Penny. I love you.” My words garble in my throat.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” Connor clicks the Zoom call off and bites out, “Really?”

“Come on, you know she’s perfect.” I sniffle and then blow my nose. “She’s carried four times, so she’s a seasoned baby carrier, like a UPS truck. She likes to be pregnant. She loves sparkles and it was kismet that she called our future baby, Bartie. It’s like the universe is pointing all the arrows at Penny. Can’t you picture me lounging on the couch with her while we paint each other’s toenails and asking,Penny for your thoughts? It’s so perfect.”

“No, I can’t. Stop acting the maggot. Ye can’t be serious, Thomas? She’s jobless, has no prospects in her hometown, was an exotic dancer and roller derby queen. And honestly, I’m a little concerned about why she wants to move in with us right away. Ye think she’s capable of carrying our child?”

“Connor Ryan, shame on you. Now look who’s being judgmental. Penny fits in with us way more than stuffy, herbal tea-drinking, cat-killer, Amy. And I know my Nana Rose would adore Penny. She’s passionate, fiery, eager—”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, and she likes sparkles. I know.” He stands up and plows his fingers through his hair. “I’m…concerned.”

“About what?”

“About all of this!” He paces the kitchen. “The lawyer said it could take years for a private adoption. You want Sparkles Delight to be our host mom…it doesn’t feel right.”

Sal coughs and I turn. He raises his hand in apology. I completely forgotNashville Nextwas behind us filming.

Connor glares at the film crew. “And for the love of God, can we please have a little privacy once in a fuckin’ while ’round here?” He grabs his jacket and storms out the front door.

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