Page 82 of Be My First

She cuts me off. “I don’t have any romantic notions about my first time. It doesn’t matter to me if I’m in love. It doesn’t need to be this big moment. I just want to experience it.”

I nod. I understand what she’s saying.

“People make too big of a thing about virginity anyway.”

“I agree. They do, but what you’re trying to do isn’t safe,” I counter. “I’m not going to argue with you about needing to be in love for your first time, but you don’t want it to be awful and traumatic either.”

She sets her coffee mug down on the table, hard. “Well, I don’t want it to be awful and traumatic. You’re right about Justin, but I’m going to have sex this summer. Unless you’re volunteering, I don’t see a lot of other options than finding some stranger.”

I shift uncomfortably in my seat.

“Are you volunteering?” she says, her eyes narrowed on me.

I hesitate.

Her jaw drops a little and then she says, “Wait.Areyou volunteering?”

Am I? God, I shouldn’t be.

She tilts her head to the side. “You’re thinking about it, aren’t you?”

I close my eyes. I can’t. Of course I can’t. For a million reasons. The first of which being I promised Eli that I’d take care of her – and this is absolutely not what he had in mind.

When I open my eyes, her face is lit up. “Oh my god. You’re really thinking about it.”

“I shouldn’t. We shouldn’t,” I say without much conviction.

She sits up straighter. “No. no. no. Listen to me. Hear me out, please.”

“Juno...”

“Please, Bode.”

“Fine.” I lean back in my chair and cross my arms.

“It’s a good idea actually,” she says like she’s giving a presentation.

I snort.

“It is. Think about it. What better way to know I’m safe? I won’t be sneaking out. I won’t be with some random guy. I won’t be with some sociopath who just wants to get rich and famous off me. I’ll be here. You’ll know I’m safe.”

“That doesn’t solve the problem of Eli killing me if he finds out,” I counter.

“Why would Eli find out? And frankly my sex life is none of Eli’s business,” she replies.

I lean forward. “I’m his best friend.”

She sighs. “Like I said, my sex life isn’t my brother’s business. Shouldn’t that be my decision and not his? Do you normally consult Eli before you sleep with someone?”

She has a point.

“You were worried I’d get hurt, but I know you won’t hurt me. Right?” She’s looking at me so hopefully right now, and I’m just a mess inside.

I scratch my neck nervously. “Of course I won’t hurt you.”

“I know. I trust you. You’re a good guy. You don’t need fame or money. I know I can trust you. Physically and emotionally.”

God – this is too much.

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