Page 61 of Be My First

I don’t even know what to say so I just glance over at Bode. He looks as uncomfortable as I feel. Eli does not seem to notice, putting the phone back to his ear and walking away without another thought. Bode and I are sitting on one side of the boat while Rodriguez and O’Shay are on the other.

“Good Lord,” I mutter.

Bode snorts. “I didn’t plan this.”

I laugh bitterly. “I wasn’t accusing you of doing this on purpose. Don’t worry, Bode. I know how you feel about me.”

He stiffens a little.

“Fucking Eli. How did I get stuck with him on this trip?” I mumble.

Bode lets out a sigh that deflates his body and says, “You know he loves you.”

I cross my arms.

The gondolier pushes off from the side of the canal and starts paddling.

“He just wants to make sure you’re safe,” Bode says.

I huff. “He needs to mind his own business. He’s driving me crazy.”

A pained expression crosses his face. “You’re really lucky to have the family you have.”

My jaw drops open a little. “You think I don’t know that?”

His eyes dart away from me. “Of course, you know that. I’m just saying I’d give anything for a family that cares about me as much as your family cares about you.”

I fall still.

He continues. “My parents died a few years ago. I don’t have any siblings. I’m alone, Juno. Why do you think I spend some much time with your family?”

My stomach sinks. I place my hand on his bicep. “You aren’t alone.”

His eyes fall to my hand. “They just care about you.”

“I know they do.” I pull my hand back quickly.

Without looking at me, he says, “My parents weren’t particularly loving. Not abusive or anything like that, but cold. I felt alone long before they died. I’ve been searching for a family my whole life.”

“I’m sorry,” I say, and I really am. That sounds awful. “Surely they were proud of you.”

He shrugs. “They died before I was really successful. I always seemed to be more of an inconvenience to them than anything – and a disappointment.”

“A disappointment? How?” I ask. It’s hard for me to imagine anyone being disappointed in Bode. He’s kind, polite, and caring. He’s incredibly successful and smart not to mention handsome, really, really handsome.

“I think my dad wanted a jock, and he got a nerd,” he answers.

I flick my eyes over to him and say, “Nerds rule the world.”

He laughs and says, “We do.”

I can’t look at him when I say this, so I keep my eye on a bridge we are passing and say, “I like nerds.”

He snorts. “Thanks.”

After a few moments of silence, I say, “I don’t remember my biological family. I was too young when I went into foster care. A lot of my other siblings had really traumatic experiences with their biological families or with other foster care families – abuse, neglect, poverty, violence, drugs. I never had that. Thankfully.”

He moves his eyes up to my face. I wish my hand was still on his arm. “How did you end up in foster care? Eli’s never told me.”

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