Page 120 of Be My First

Chapter Forty-Three

Juno

I’m a mess in the caron the way over to Eli’s. I need to get it together or I’m going to have a lot of questions to answer.

My heart actually hurts. Like there’s a physical pain in my chest. I guess this is why they call it heartbreak. Fuck. This is brutal.

I run my hands over my face. He never promised me anything. He was very upfront about what we were doing. He was completely clear about what this was and what he was willing to give me. He warned me this would get messy if we weren’t careful. I just didn’t believe him. Maybe it would have been better to hook up with a stranger?

I take a deep breath. No – as much as this hurts now, I’m glad it was him. I’m glad we had the time together. I needed to be with someone I could trust. He was the perfect partner, and I feel like he helped me understand my body in ways a random stranger would not. I’m thankful to him. Maybe once I can breathe again, I’ll actuallyfeelthankful. Right now I just feel crushed.

We pull up to Eli’s house, and I wipe my eyes and face. He’s going to know I’ve been crying. There’s no hiding it.

Eli is in the kitchen when I arrive. As soon as he sees me, he sets down the knife he was using to mince garlic and says, “What happened?”

I burst into tears. I can’t tell him. I can’t tell anyone.

I shake my head. “It was just such an awful week.”

He wraps me in a hug. “I know. It was. All of it was awful.”

I cry on his shoulder for what feels like ten minutes and then I pull back. “Sorry.”

He hands me a tissue. His shirt is all wet from my tears. “You don’t have to apologize. Cry as much as you need.”

“Thanks,” I say before blowing my nose. “I’m going to feel terrible tomorrow.”

“Are you hungry? I’m making dinner.”

I shake my head. “I can’t eat right now.”

He studies me for a moment and says, “Your room has a big bathtub if you want to do that, or we could watch some Nineteen Ninety’s disaster movies. I know those always cheer you up.”

I laugh. He knows me well.

“Okay, I’ll go take a bath and then we can watch something together. I want earthquakes, tsunamis, and maybe a giant blizzard all in one movie.”

He thinks for a moment. “I believe that can be arranged.”

I start up the stairs, and he calls. “Juno.”

I turn.

“I’m glad you’re here,” he says.

I nod. “Me too.”

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