Page 94 of Shiver
“Are you sure?”
With a brow raised, he studies me. The slight smile on his lips should have been warning enough, but he uses his spoon and picks up a chunk, offering it to me. I let him put it in my mouth.
It’s not instantly horrible. A little weird and squishy. And then I bite into it and it takes all I have not to spit it out. Rake laughs and pulls a glass filled with something thick towards me. “Swallow it.”
My eyes get round, and more chuckles follow his. He leans in and murmurs, “Be a good boy and swallow for me.”
My skin burns from my ears to my neck as I force myself to swallow the awful taste. I shudder as he pushes a glass to my lips. It’s not milk. It’s sweet and dense, but cleansing. I cough and take another large swallow.
“Now you want to trust me that I’ll only feed you what I know you’ll like?” he asks.
With a wary nod, I sit back and watch as he continues to go through the dishes. Then I eat all the new flavors and listen to them talk. Catch up. Rake has most of their attention and I gather it’s because he isn’t very good at keeping up communication.
When dinner is finished, we head into another room where Rake pulls me onto his lap. I adjust until I’m curled in on him, which should be somewhat awkward because I’m quite a bit bigger than him. But it feels nothing but good.
This time, their attention turns to me, and they ask me all kinds of questions. None of them feel overly invasive or personal, but like they’re trying to get to know me. I feel welcome. Important. Already I belong there so much more than I ever felt in my own home.
I’m nearly asleep with a smile on my face as I listen to Adak talk about his team and the NHL. Rake’s fingers gently card through my hair, his other hand linked with mine. “Love you,” he whispers against my head. “I’m so proud of you for how hard you worked in your classes. And how you brought your game back. For being here and meeting my family all at once, even though I’m sure that was intimidating. I’m so fucking proud of you, Egon.”
Warmth spreads all over my body and I sigh, shifting more into him so I can press my face to his neck. “I love when you tell me that.”
“I will tell you every day. For the rest of my life.”
Once, I thought I knew what I wanted. That dream was all wrong. Nothing compares to this feeling.
THIRTY-FOUR
EGON
The driveto the chalet is going to take eleven hours. Rake says he usually gets up at three in the morning to make the drive and while I didn’t relish the idea of getting up that early, I agreed. It really doesn’t matter what we are doing, spending time with Rake is already like having the best day ever only to be outdone by the next.
While I’m not accustomed to doing nothing all day, it was nice just chilling at Rake’s home. I spent the second day there with Rake and Coach Adak as Adak talked to us more about Anaheim and what it’s like to be a part of the NHL in more detail. I was fascinated and somewhat starstruck. That he worked with players that I’ve grown up idolizing made me feel like I was looking at a rockstar.
Lamar Gibbon, Colby Minden, Axtell Hildreth, Hollinger Kearney… His entire first line made me see stars.
I’ve never considered going into the NHL seriously. Sometimes it was a pipe dream and while I knew I could probably make it a reality for a while, I was serious when I told everyone that it wasn’t something I truly wanted. Yeah, it’s fun to picture sometimes, but I don’t want to put that hardship on my body.
Listening to Adak tell me about his players makes me reconsider it a little. Not because I want to play, but because I want to be in the presence of greatness. I want to meet these players. I want to laugh with them and have stories about them like Adak did.
My plan to be a physical trainer and work with professional sports teams has the ability to give that to me. But you don’t often hear of the teammates hanging out with those behind the scenes. Still, I’d be there. I’d get to meet them and see them. I’d have a professional relationship with them. It would be amazing.
If I can get there.
One of the first things I do when I’m awake enough on the drive to the mountain to think is log into my student portal and begin looking at classes. I have my requirements opened in another tab as I go back and forth, trying to find a schedule that won’t absolutely kill me. I have three semesters left and these science classes are not going to be easy.
“We’ll make it work,” Rake says, his hand coming down on my thigh. He squeezes gently. “Get your books ahead of time and I’ll make sure I’m ready to help you.”
“You’re no longer my tutor,” I tell him. “You’re not required to help me. Besides, I’d really like to be able to do this on my own.”
“If you begin the semester refusing help, it’s going to make it all that much more difficult. If you need help, you need to say so.”
I shift in my seat so I’m facing him a little more. “I’ll get the books early and let you read them. But I want to at least try on my own.”
He glances at me, giving me a smirk. “Egon, you’re an intelligent man. I have no doubt you can handle this. But if you need help—”
“I’ll ask,” I agree. “I have no reservations about seeking help. That’s never been a problem for me.”
“Good. Asking for help isn’t a weakness. It’s actually the opposite. It takes confidence to admit when you can’t do something on your own or you don’t understand. Knowing your limits makes you a remarkable man.”
