Page 95 of Shiver
“You’re always so full of compliments,” I huff, leaning my head against the seat to watch him. I study his profile as he smiles, and I feel the excitement of being with him. Of knowing that he approves and supports me. That he’s proud of me for wanting to be independent but even more proud that I can admit to needing help and asking for it.
To have that kind of support is lifting.
I never spend a lot of time thinking about my family but after spending four days with Rake’s, I realize how messed up my family is. I’m an only child; and while my parents made sure I had what I needed for hockey, they weren’t exactly supportive of anything. Of any decisions I’ve made.
We aren’t close. Sometimes I had been sure they didn’t want me and I was their dirty secret accident. My house wasn’t devoid of love. They love each other deeply. It’s almost sickening. But their love for me was never obvious. And when I really think about it, I can’t recall the last time they said they loved me.
Rake’s family isn’t like that. I could see their love for each other. The pride in their faces when they ask Rake about his studies and dissertation.
It makes me wonder why he never spoke of them. Maybe because he was trying to keep himself from loving me. He was trying to make it impersonal. And then it was so busy while I was trying to put out the dumpster fire I created the last three weeks of term that we didn’t talk about anything but school, hockey, and being together.
Except that when we got to his house, and he told me he’d never broughtanyonehome for any reason and he’d always kept his family life entirely separate from any other part of his life, I think I never would have heard about his family until I brought it up. And since I didn’t really want to talk about mine, I wasn’t eager to ask about his.
I glance down at my rings and smile, all sappy with hearts in my eyes. I’m married. The butterflies that storm around my stomach have me nearly feeling nauseous. I’m so giddy, my muscles are bound tightly as if I’m ready to jump out of my skin.
His hand closes over mine again, and I look up with a beaming smile that makes him chuckle. “Happy?”
I nod. “Yeah. I am.”
His smile widens a little. “Good.”
We spend the next few hours talking about things that are usually covered in the ‘getting to know you’ stage of being with someone. The things we skipped entirely. Favorites, likes, dislikes, people we know, things we’ve done and things we still want to do. Places we’ve traveled.
All of my travel places revolved around hockey. They still do. This week with Rake is the first time I’ve gone somewhere new for leisure. Ever.
“No family vacations?” he asks.
I shake my head as I lace our fingers together and look out the window. “Hockey was my life. It didn’t leave much time for other things.”
“There’s at least five months of off season,” he says.
“It’s an expensive sport,” I tell him, not willing to think too much about it.
Rake doesn’t push after that. He nods and we fall into a comfortable silence until he says, “Start making a list of places you want to go.”
I look at him questioningly. “What do you mean?”
“Just what I said. Everywhere you’ve wanted to see. I don’t even care if it’s just for a single thing, like a rock shaped like a dick.” I laugh. “Write it down. We’ll start crossing places off that list in the summer.”
“This summer?” I ask with wide eyes.
He glances at me with a smirk. “Yes, husband. This summer.”
A shiver races over my body again. Husband. I’ll never get tired of hearing that. “But, don’t you need to finish your master’s degree? Or find a job?”
Rake laughs quietly. “I have money, Egon. I don’t need a job immediately. Yes, I’ll have to work on my degree for a bit here and there, but it’s online. I can do it anywhere.”
I lean across the console and press a kiss to his cheek. “You don’t need to take me places, you know. I just want to be with you. To be your husband and wake up to you every morning. That’s all I need.”
He turns his face to mine and kisses me longer than he should, given that he’s driving. “Yes, and you’ll have that. But I want to show you the world. I want to make all your dreams come true.”
This man who thought he wasn’t going to be good at relationships makes me swoon every damn day. I rest my forehead against the side of his face, which isn’t really safe, but I can’t stop myself.
“You already have,” I whisper. “And you do all the time.”
“Mm,” he answers, his hand tightening around mine.
After a while, I go back to looking at classes and choose ones that I think I can handle, trying to remain conscious of the fact that I don’t want next year, my final year, filled with miserable classes that will stress me even further. So I take the second chemical systems class, another hard science, plus a couple lighter classes about sports nutrition and sports performance training.
