Page 30 of Shiver
The words keep playing over and over, though I never say them out loud. I can’t bring myself to. I’m sure he’d kick me out.
Instead, I sit on his couch, close to his side, and eat the food he brings me. We watch Sports Spot before flipping over to movies somewhere around one in the morning. He changes out of his clothes into bed pants and joins me back on his couch with a blanket that he drapes over the two of us.
I take this as an invitation to lean against his arm. Under the blanket, he pats my leg. When he removes his hand, I have to fist mine so I don’t grab for his again and bring it back to my leg. I need his touch. His comfort.
“You’re tense,” Rake says, his quiet voice startling me out of my confusing thoughts.
I look at him to find that he’s watching me. “Sorry,” I murmur, dropping my gaze.
He’s quiet for a minute. Then he pulls the blanket away and takes my arm, pulling me down. “Come here,” he says. “Lay down. Get comfortable.”
I’ve never laid with my head in another man’s lap before. My face is burning as my cheek hits his thigh, keenly aware of how close to his cock my face is. My heart is racing as I violently try to shove the image of me turning my face into said cock. Just because.
The blanket is draped over me, and then his hand is in my hair. I take a deep breath and hold it as his fingers gently card through my hair. It’s longer than I usually keep it, as it tends to get when the season starts. I don’t have time to get it cut when other things take higher priority.
His other hand drops to rest on my side, my ribs. It doesn’t move.
And this is all I seem to need. The tension leaves me as my muscles relax. My eyes close. It’s less than five minutes later when I’ve fallen asleep.
* * *
Over the next week,I completely ignore the fact that I was with Temca at all. Or that she’d been cheating on me, probably since we got together. Or the spectacular way I found out.
I ignore my friends and hockey teammates who bring it up, changing the subject when it does, and avoid everyone at all costs. Instead, I force my company on Rake, no matter where he is or what he’s doing, when I have free time. This has included, but not limited to, sitting at his desk in his office, even when he’s not there. Sitting in on his lectures. Sitting in his lab while he researches. Fuck, I’ve even hung out at his apartment when he had to go somewhere I couldn’t follow.
Just so I could avoid reality.
He doesn’t seem to mind that I’m basically filling my life with him. Sometimes he seems a little amused, but he’s never commented. I’ve been claiming that I need to put extra work in on my classes. It’s easier to get an explanation when he’s right there instead of through text.
Exactly one week to the day that I found Temca trying to blowmytutor, Rake is walking me to the arena as I ramble on about an upcoming game. I’m excited to play Maine. Their team is pretty damn good.
He pauses at the door, and I turn to finish my sentence. Then we’re left looking at each other. “So,” I say, feeling a little awkward.
Rake chuckles. “I’m heading home and have no intention of leaving.”
I take a breath and nod. “See you later.”
He nods and turns. I don’t stare after him. I don’t. Because I’m aware there are people around and you just don’t stare at another man as they’re walking away.
It’s not like I’m checking him out, I reason with myself as I walk into the building. I’m just watching him. For no reason at all.
He’s mine.
Licking my lips, I force that thought away. Nope. I can’t claim a living person. They’re not possessions.
“Wolf.”
I begin stripping out of my clothing as I look at Haines. “Yeah.”
“You good, man?”
Sighing, I throw my shirt into my cubby and turn to my team. The locker room is quiet, meaning everyone is paying attention. As they all do when someone tries to bring up the shitstorm I let happen. “Look. You were right about Temca, and I’m an idiot for dismissing your warnings. Thanks for looking out for me.”
Valenti slaps my shoulder. “I’m glad you know that’s what we were doing, man.”
“In hindsight, I can say a whole lot of shit should have tipped me off. And if I’m honest with myself, which I try not to be, I should have ended it with her a while ago since I haven’t been feeling it. But.” I shrug and turn back to my cubby. “We can stop talking about her, though. I’m over it and I mean that.”
There’s a quiet chorus of ‘goods’ among other bro encouragements of ‘there are plenty more hot pieces of ass out there.’ But then the locker room gets quiet again. My compression clothes on, I’m padding up when I turn again, giving them an impatient look.
