Page 99 of Black Rose

I dry off and blow dry my hair, then put on my robe and step out into the suite, feeling a million times better than before I went in.

The balcony doors are open, cold damp air flowing in, and I think I see Valtu outside. I walk over to him, passing by the book on the hotel desk.

Something catches my eye. Beside the book is a pen and a pad of paper, the hotel’s stationary, covered in tightly scribbled writing.

I stop and pick it up, wondering what Valtu’s been writing, and read it.

A letter to myself,

You’re going to be disoriented. You don’t know who the woman is in front of you, you don’t know how she fits into your life or what she means to you. This is by design. By your own design.

My hand starts to shake as I read on.

You are Valtu Aminoff. It is December. You are in Istanbul, Turkey. You may remember most of this or maybe none of this, perhaps the potion takes more from you each time. The reason you’re here is of most importance and something you can’t back away from. I won’t let you. You’re here because you have finally tracked Bellamy and his secret sect of immortal witches, as well as the stolen vampire baby Leif, who is very much a twenty-two-year-old man now. It’s hard to tell if he’s still a vampire, or a witch, or what has been done to him but make no mistake, though he is not on your side, you must protect him and rescue him from the sect. This is the most important goal.

The second most important goal is to destroy Bellamy.

The third most important goal is to get out of there as soon as you’ve accomplished both.

The woman in front of you is a woman you have decided to erase. You don’t need to know her past or her details. Her name is Rose Harper and though that name means nothing to you now, she is the reason you have erased her from your memory. It was the only way.

Oh my god.

“Valtu!” I shriek, dropping the papers on the desk and running for the doors to the balcony.

Oh god, oh please no, please don’t let him have done it!

“Valtu!” I cry out again and he turns around to face me, his back to the railing, the sounds of the city rising up on the sea breeze.

To my relief, there is recognition in his eyes.

Guilt.

And then I notice the black vial in his hand, halfway to his mouth.

“No, stop!” I make a move for him, but he holds out his other hand and that pushes me back with invisible force.

“I’m sorry,” he says pitifully, his words barely audible. “I can’t afford to lose you again.”

“Valtu, please!” I screech and it feels like my world is seconds from ending. “Don’t do this. Don’t erase me again!”

He gives his head a shake, a tear rolling down his cheek. “Iwantto remember you. I want to remember us. But I can’t. So I have to forget.”

“Please!” I plead again, my voice going hoarse, the panic a vice inside my chest. “Don’t. Don’t, just don’t do this. We can start over, it’s okay, I’m okay with us just having what we are to each other right now.”

He shakes his head. “I’m a coward, Rose. You know I am. I won’t be able handle the pain. I’ve lost too many years to grief. It steals from you. It shows no mercy. It takes and it takes and it never gives anything back,” he says, grinding his teeth together.

“Grief only exists because of love!”

“And to erase the love is to erase the pain. Don’t tell me you wouldn’t do the same.”

“I wouldneverdo the same!” I yell, struggling against the invisible force, but it’s no use. I’m trying to think of magic from the book but now of all times my mind is blank. All I can feel, all I can focus on, is the horror of being nothing again. “Loss is the risk you take when you love someone, but it’s always worth the risk, Valtu.” Tears are spilling down my cheeks now, sobs stretching my chest. “I have loved you and lost you and I’ll do it again and again because loving you is everything. Loving you is everything!”

He looks down at the vial, gives his head a slight shake. “That’s where you’ve made your biggest mistake. Loving me is a mistake. You should never love a monster.”

“Please,” I plead, praying, hoping, wishing he can see how badly I need to stay in his mind and his heart and life. “Don’t do this. I love you. I love you and…don’t you think maybe it’s worth loving me too?” A sob escapes me, tears burning. My heart twists tighter and tighter into a knot so small I can’t even breathe. “Couldn’t you just love me back?” I whisper. “Can’t loving me be worth the loss?”

He sniffs, pressing his lips together firmly. “I’m sorry, Rose. I guess I’ll never know.”

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