Page 5 of Filthy, Dirty, Cowboy

I stare out the window again, watching as Hawk works a bag of cement around the post. There’s no denying he’s handsome, and apparently has a sad backstory, but that doesn’t mean we’re meant to be. “What about our age difference? He’s forty-four. I’mtwenty-three. Most folks would think that’s sick.”

She bobs her head back and forth for a moment as though she’s considering how sick that is. “Or maybe he could use a little bit of your spunk and you could use a little of his stability.” She sips from her cup and bites into her biscuit, crumbs spilling everywhere. “You know, my husband and I had a small age difference.”

“I know what you’re trying to do. Like I said, Hawk is a handsome guy, and I could see us maybe—”

“Hawk is a handsome guy?” a deep voice echoes from behind me. My heart dies and buries itself somewhere deep in my stomach. “Well, now I know Mrs. Robinsonisa voodoo queen.” Hawk leans down and kisses her cheek, then grabs a pitcher from the fridge with lemonade inside, tracking in a mess behind him. “Sounds like I’m interrupting something good. Pretend I’m not here.”

“You’re not.” I push back my chair and grab a paper towel from the counter, landing it on the floor to wipe up where he’s tracked in mud. “But youaremaking a mess.”

Oblivious to his lack of manners, his big, dirty hand swipes a biscuit off the tray, then proceeds to shove it inside his mouth like an animal who’s been deprived of sustenance for far too long. “Sorry. It’s a messy job out there. The guys and I are getting hungry.” His gaze is on me, hot and heavy. I have no idea why I’m so turned on. He’s the exact opposite of every man I’ve ever been into. Usually, I go for clean men…with clean hands. And I’ve always made an effort to date men who know well enough not to track mud all over the kitchen floor.

“These boys aren’t raised to worry about the floors, dear.” Mrs. Robinson stands from the counter and pulls a tray of sandwiches from the fridge, handing them to Hawk, who’s standing with a smirk on his face as though his mom just stood up for him. “They’re raised for hard work. Besides, this one helps clean my house a few times a week, so I let his muddy mess slide.” She kisses his cheek and settles back into the table.

Hawk gives me a boyish grin, like he’s just gotten away with something. Of course he does… because this man is a giant man-baby.

I roll my eyes and settle back next to Mrs. Robinson. Hawk slides out with a grin and the tray of food, half a biscuit still dropping crumbs from his mouth as the screen door slams behind him.

The urge to stare at him has gone away. He’s a barbarian. A man’s man. An archaic relic of what a man was before men learned that women weren’t just for cooking and cleaning up after their mess. It’s a miracle this man has made it this far, and it’s no wonder he’s still single.

“See… I couldn’t deal with that.” I sip the tea Mrs. Robinson has freshened. “He’s a grown man. Averygrown man. I’m not looking to be anyone’s mother.”

Mrs. Robinson laughs. “Well, if you look at it that way, dear, you’re going to be a lonely woman.”

“What?” I’m surprised by her comment, but I figure she has an old-fashioned view on love and relationship roles, given that she’s probably in her mid-eighties.

“Look,” she says, her hand shaking as she sips her tea, “men up here are animals. I’ll give that to you. They’re rough, they’re big, they’re dirty, and they probably do too much cursing. But they were raised to care for their women and children above all else.”

I nod. “Then why is he nearly fifty and all alone?”

Mrs. Robinson laughs hysterically loud. “You don’t hold back, do you, dear?”

I shake my head. “My mom taught me to be aggressive. She said it was the only way to get ahead in the world. I tend to agree for the most part, and my career is evidence of that. Business is a male-dominated profession, and I’m situating myself for a CEO position within the next five years.”

“Are you happy?”

Wow, didn’t realize I was in therapy. But she’s an old woman and I suppose she’s trying to be nice and impart wisdom. Besides, her husband died recently. I’ll bet she’s looking for deep and meaningful conversation. I can’t brush her off completely.

“I think so. I like money and all the things money can give me.”

“So, nothing is missing?”

I laugh. “If you’re trying to get me to say amanorfamilyis missing, you’re not going to hear it. I’ve done the man thing. The best thing a modern woman can do for herself is work hard and create a life that doesn’t rely on anyone. Don’t get me wrong, life out here seems… simpler, but it wouldn’t work for me.”

She stares down at her teacup. “You know, we’re not that different. When I first graduated, I was hell bent on making my diner on Main the best in the state. The recipes all came from my grandmother, and I knew they were special. As the town grew, so did the diner. And when Rugged Mountain Ink got big, we had people traveling from all over the world to the area.” She’s sighs a heavy sigh and takes a sip of her tea. “Anyway, the food was good, and the diner was a cash cow. But… I was busy all the time, and I was missing days I could never get back. Those things matter when you find the love of your life. You want every second you can get, and even then… it’s never enough.” A tear rolls off her cheek and I reach out for her hand.

“Anyway,” she continues, “I sold the diner, and we started our family. Maybe I’m wrong, but life shouldn’t be about a job where you’ll be replaced the second you leave. Life should be about family and creating a world where people value you for you.”

If I weren’t already questioning every life choice I’d ever made, I am now. I’m not sure if this was helpful or detrimental.

“Well, until I find my Prince Charming, I guess I’m in the rat race. Besides, I like the sense of accomplishment.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that, dear. I loved it, too. I’m only saying that life is even more valuable when you focus on your heart instead of your wallet.”

I bite the inside of my cheek. “You never said why Hawk is still single.” I hate myself for circling back, but I’m dying to know.

“He dated someone for a while. They were young. She wanted a family, and he didn’t believe they were a good fit for that. He told her as much, and she moved to Oregon. He stayed here.”

“Shit.That’s brutal.”

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