Page 24 of You Will Bow

I'm not sure how to react or respond in this situation. I can sense that my feelings are beginning to change toward him, and that scares the shit out of me. I don’t know what I want yet, or even if I have the courage to explore what could be between us. There’s an apprehension that I can’t explain. Ridge isn't like anyone else I've met before, but maybe that's why I feel so strongly toward him.

We lie there in silence for minutes, me on my side facing Ridge, and him on his back looking back at me.

He’s so gorgeous. So often he tells me how perfect I am in his eyes, but I’ve never once told him that when I look at him, I truly see beyond his flaws. I’ve never complimented Ridge at all, for that matter. Never even thanked him for all the kind words he says to me. I’m not sure why I push him away like I do. Is it because I worry what people will say? Or because I’m scared he’s unstable? Maybe a little of both.

I shift on the bed, moving so I can better see the scars on his chest. My thoughts go back to our conversation earlier, and how he said that person won’t be hurting anyone ever again. I wonder what he meant by that.

“Ridge,” I say his name with hesitation because what I’m about to ask is so ridiculous. But fuck it. I’m asking anyway.

He pulls the comforter underneath him, trying to get under it. “Yeah?”

“Have you…” I’m as crazy as he is by asking this. “Have you ever taken someone else's life?”

Oh my god, I wish I could take that back. It’s not like people just go around killing others. Just because I shot someone doesn’t mean he has. I’m so embarrassed. I cover my face with my hands and shake my head against the pillow. “Forget I asked that. It was dumb.”

“I have,” he says. The way his words come out, it’s like the idea doesn’t even bother him. Like it’s just another fact about his life. And maybe, for him, it can be that simple.

Why can’t I feel that way, too?

I move my hands away from my face and prop myself up with one arm. “You have?” I surprise myself by the calmness in my tone. Instead of overreacting and thinking the worst, I just watch him, hoping he’ll open up about his situation.

Or, he might not care to disclose any details, which is understandable. I wouldn’t want to revisit the night I took another person’s life.

Now tucked under the blanket, giving me the impression he’s not planning to leave my room anytime soon, Ridge turns onto his side, facing me. “I was eleven—just a kid who was protecting his mom.” My heart swells at his admission.He was protecting his mom.

“Is she okay? You’re mom, I mean.”

His fingers drag through his hair and he sucks in his bottom lip. Seconds pass before he says, “No. I saved her that night, but I failed her only a few days later.”

A lump rises in my throat, a sharp pain throbbing in my chest. I can see the blame etched on his face, and I ache for him. Reaching out, I gently touch his arm. "You were just a kid," I say softly. "I hope you haven't been carrying that guilt all these years."

“It’s a long story, and one day I’ll fill you in, but not tonight.”

For the first time, Ridge and I have common ground. And while it’s because of devastating events, I feel like it connects us in a weird way. I understand him on a deeper level than ever before because he’s experienced the same thing that turned my world upside down.

“Okay,” I tell him.

More minutes pass as I lie there watching him. His eyes droop a few times and I can tell he’s fighting to stay awake. I doubt Ridge gets a lot of sleep, considering he’s always popping up here all hours of the night. Whether it’s in my room, or outside my window.

I watch until his eyes close. Then mine do the same.

CHAPTER9

MADDOX

I call her again,letting it ring until I get her voicemail for the dozenth time. Last night after Riley canceled our plans because she wasn’t feeling well, I ran into Scar at the student center and she said Riley wasn’t home. So I went there to see for myself, and sure enough, no one answered her door.

I keep telling myself she was probably sleeping, but after Scar saying she wasn’t there, I knew in my gut she was out with one of them. It was just a matter of finding out which one she was with.

When I got back to my shared room with the guys, Lev was on the couch watching TV, and Ridge wasn’t there. That's when I knew it had to be him she was with. Therefore, I knew she wasn’t in harm's way.

I passed out waiting for him to come back, but when I woke up this morning, his bed was still empty.

“Fuck!” I jab my finger at the end button and stick my phone back in my pocket as I approach her door. I raise my fist to knock but stop with it in midair.Do I really wanna know if he stayed here?

Hell yes, I do. I need to know if she lied to me, and why. If our relationship is ever going to grow, I have to be able to trust her. Me being here now proves that I can’t, but I’m hopeful Ridge won’t be here, and this will all be a nightmare I manifested in my head.

I tentatively turn the handle, not expecting it to budge. When it does, I hold my breath and push it open with a painful slowness. Then I see them. Riley lying on her side, facing Ridge with her eyes closed in a peaceful sleep. Ridge’s bare leg hangs out from under the blankets, and his clothes are strewn carelessly on the floor.

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