Page 39 of Just Our Secret

I get that you're mad, and you may not even see this. I want you to know I love Andi and Liam, and I’m not going anywhere. I want you in my life, and I know they want you in theirs. If you’re going to freeze me out, you’re hurting more than just me, and that’s on you. I love you, man, and I’m not giving up hope you’ll come around. But I’m going to live my life until then, and that includes loving your sister with everything I’ve got.

My heart thudded a steady beat in my chest as I inhaled calm and a small sense of relief that I’d at least sent the message and could now focus my mind on work. Just in time, too, because the next thing I knew, the alarm sounded. I hustled into my gear, glad I’d been close to ready. When I jogged back down the hallway, my buddy Ray filled me in.

“Warehouse fire in the industrial park. They’re calling in two other companies besides us to join the guys who get there first. This is gonna be a shitstorm.” He patted my back and we moved to the bay to load up.

Adrenaline pumped through me as we pulled on our turnout gear and took our spots in the rig, a well-rehearsed routine that, for some reason, caused my chest to ache tonight. Normally, I loved this rush to the scene—the unknown of what awaited us, what kind of problem we’d solve, who we’d help. Maybe it was because I’d been relatively lucky with what I’d seen, or maybe it was because I was suited for this job.

Part of it might’ve been because I hadn’t had all that much to lose if things went wrong. If I got hurt or worse, my family would mourn me. Connor, that shithead, would ultimately mourn me. They’d grieve, but their lives would go on. I’d never worried that my choice to do this job would change anyone’s lives in a significant way beyond the potential emotional fallout if something happened.

But now, I had Andi. I hadn’t even told her I loved her, and how stupid would it be if I went out on this call tonight and never came back to tell her?

The thrill of racing through the streets toward what everyone around me was agreeing had the potential to be the worst we’d seen in years turned to ice in my veins at the thought of never seeing Andi or Liam again. I loved them and wanted a life with them, but I hadn’t realized how clearly I pictured that future until this moment when I didn’t know for sure if I’d have it. Of course I couldn’t know whether she shared the same vision, but I had reason to hope.

I worked as much as I did on top of school so I could afford a down payment on a house—one I hoped to move into with Andi and Liam. Something with a good-sized backyard so Liam could have his own swing set and maybe a little place to dig. I hadn’t said that outright, but the small smile and light in her eyes when I mentioned saving for a home made me think she liked the idea in more than a conceptual way.

I wanted more kids with Andi, if she wanted them. I wanted to see her walking down the aisle toward me, pregnant with my child, on her fortieth birthday, when her eyes were permanently lined from decades of laughter and joy. I wanted to see what amazing things she’d do with that brain of hers, what her tenacity would coax out of her future.

I knew without a doubt that I wanted everything with Andi, and for the first time in my life, I might have a shot at it.

The rig rolled to a stop and for a half second, we all hung there, gaping at the tangle of flame and metal before we burst into action. Fire engulfed the building and black and gray smoke billowed out in what felt like all directions. My stomach tightened with dread and anticipation as we unloaded one after the other to see how we could help.

I wanted everything with Andi, but I had to live through tonight first.

TWENTY-ONE

ANDI

For some reason, I couldn’t sleep. I tossed and turned, nothing specifically wrong, but my mind just wouldn’t settle down. I figured I must be off-balance due to the rift between Connor and me. He had become such a big part of our routine since we’d moved here that his absence was noticeable even if I wasn’t thinking about it directly.

I got up to get a drink of water, padding barefoot down the hall. I peeked into Liam’s room on the way and smiled when I saw his sweet, sleeping face. He looked so much younger when he was sleeping. Lately, he’d seemed so much less like the toddler I’d been so used to chasing after and more like the big boy he insisted he was. I loved watching him sleep with his full lips relaxed, totally at peace. It made me feel like even if things were stressful now, they’d be okay eventually because I had him. And he was happy. And that was all that mattered.

Continuing down the hall to the kitchen, I got my water and started to turn back to bed. But then I stopped and sighed. I wasn’t ready for more restlessness in the dark. Could it be that I was missing Wade? I never slept better than when I was in his arms, and tonight, I wished he was here.

Shaking my head, I brought my water to the living room and curled up on the couch to channel surf. I didn’t have anything in particular in mind to turn on, but hey, it wouldn’t be the first time I’d fallen asleep in front of some random rerun ofLaw & Order. Maybe that would work.

When the TV clicked on, an image of a warehouse on fire took over the screen. Flashing red lights reflected against the sides of the building from the trucks parked outside. Flames billowed out the windows and firefighters rushed around trying to put it out.

I sat forward, every hair on my body standing on edge. The reporter’s tone was grave as he described the scene. This was a bad one. Was Wade there? Was he one of the firefighters out there risking their lives to squelch the flames?

Pulling my phone out of the pocket of my hoodie, I dialed Wade’s number with shaky fingers. “Come on, come on, come on,” I chanted as it rang in my ear. When he didn’t answer, a wave of panic came over me. He was probably there. Son of a bitch.

Without hesitating, I called Connor. Thanks to the late hour, he must have figured it was important. I wouldn’t call him in the middle of the night to ask for his forgiveness yet again. That would just be stupid. He picked up after the third ring, sleep making his voice sound heavy. “Hey, everything okay? Is it Liam?”

“No,” I said, swallowing back the fear that threatened to consume me. “I think it’s Wade.”

“Wade? What? What’s going on?”

“Turn on the news. There’s a huge warehouse fire, and I think he might be there.”

There was a rustling sound as Connor moved around, maybe getting out of bed to turn the TV on. Then he swore under his breath. “That looks fucking bad.”

“Yeah. It does.”

“You’ve tried calling him?” he asked.

“Yes. He’s always so alert when he’s on shift, he would have answered, even if he was sleeping.”

“Yeah. Okay, stay there. I’ll be right over.”

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