I glanced over at him, but he was looking out his window, neck craned away from me. “Why do you say that?”
He shrugged, but after a few seconds, said, “She obviously didn’t want me to know them before. What would’ve changed?”
The edge in his voice betrayed him—there it was. Not the rampant rage I would’ve been kindling, but a low simmering hurt and anger. And damn if his saying something to me didn’t give me a little jolt of adrenaline, even as I tried to figure out how best to respond.
I fully understood why he was angry. But I also didn’t want him to keep freezing out Kate. It was hurting her and knowing him the little that I did so far, it had to be hurting him too.
“I will be the first one to say that I wish things had gone differently…”
“I thinkshe’dbe the first to say that.”
I eyed him as I turned into the cramped lot across the street from their downtown apartment and shifted into park. “That’s probably true.”
He adjusted in his seat so he could see me, and his expression hit me like a punch to the temple, rattling my brain and shaking me up inside. He was miserable, and every atom in my being demanded I make it better.
“We can’t go back.”
His jaw flexed but he just stared back, waiting.
“What we can do is move forward as a team. I know it’s cheesy as fuck, but that’s what I am. I’m on your team. I missed a lot, but I’m not missing another damn thing, and as messed up as all this is, I know for a fact your mom doesn’t want you to miss out on anything either.”
He snorted and crossed his arms. “Then why didn’t she tell me? My fucking family wasright hereand instead of telling me, and telling them, she kept it a secret like I was some kind of—”
His voice caught, and that show of emotion had me swallowing the reprimand for swearing. I didn’t actually care, but I knew he and I would be in deep shit if he started talking like me around Kate.
“You are her greatest joy, Jackson. Through all of this, I know that most clearly. Anything she did, she did it because she thought it was rightfor you.And while I can’t explain her choices, I do know that she loves you more than anything in this world and has done her best.”
His brow furrowed, and his eyes looked a little wet, but his mouth was clamped shut like that might keep his tears at bay.
“And if you won’t hate me for it, despite not having the Walkers at your back all this time, her best is pretty fucking great. I mean look at you.” I waved a hand in front of him, then winked. “Fuckingamazing.”
He chuckled with a reluctant eye roll. “It’s not that I haven’t had a good life. Obviously, I have. I just don’t get it.”
“I think maybe we’ll never get it because we weren’t her. We weren’t a kid with a kid, coming back home to find our support system gone. She thought her child’s father was a womanizing asshole, and she had no choice but to do it alone. You and me? We can see in hindsight that that wasn’t right. And let me tell you, your Grandma Jenna—or fuck, whatever you want to call her because you’re the first of your generation and you get to name her—she’s going to do whatever she can to make up for lost time.”
He nodded.
But then he ended up squinting at me in a look so much like how Eric sometimes looked, I had to laugh. “Damn, you really are a Walker.”
A twinge of worry crept into his gaze. “Was there any doubt?”
“No. Fuck no. No question, you’re mine. And you’re never getting rid of me.”
His grin flashed, but he swiped a hand across his mouth and hid it. “I’ll call her Grandma, I guess. Or I could ask her what she wants me to call her.”
“You could. But I’m sure she won’t care what you call her. She’ll just be grateful as hell for you.” Damn, my voice sounded weird. Could he hear it?
“And uh … what about you?”
I knew what he meant, but fuck. I could barely breathe and didn’t want to let on how much this mattered to me. I wasn’t sure why, but I figured a joke might help. “What? You wanna call me Grandma too?”
He gave me a flat look.
“You can call me whatever you want,” I managed.
He looked away, and I wasn’t sure if sudden fatherhood gave a guy mindreading superpowers or anything, but I could’ve sworn I’d understood the reason behind his clenched jaw. He didn’t even need to say it. That bitterness toward his mom for being the reason he had to ask his own father what he should call him was written all over his face.
I shifted toward him. “Jackson.”