Page 48 of Loving You

My flat look confirmed I would, and he held up his hands. “Sorry for being crass. Let me put it another way. Are you making sweet, candlelit love to the woman?”

My head dropped back, and I shut my eyes against the collective waste of brain cells in front of me, though I did reluctantly laugh under my breath.

Sammy’s snicker told me I wasn’t the only one amused by Will’s stupid comment.

“Fine. I’ll tell you what’s happening if you stop talking about me and April like that. It’s disrespectful.”

He straightened, and so did the other two. “I don’t mean it like that. I’m mostly trying to get you to reveal that tucked-away heart of yours. If I didn’t see you with your nieces and nephew, I wouldn’t believe it was in there most of the time.”

I frowned, recognizing the truth there. It wasn’t far from what April had thought of me—stick up my ass, all work and no play. For the longest time, that’s what I’d had to do to keep everything afloat and keep everyone functioning.

“We want you to be happy, Eric.” Jake’s quietly spoken words made me sit up.

“I am happy.” The statement came automatically. Not so much a defense mechanism as it was a reflection of something true. Since April had moved in, despite learning about the awful reality of her past, I’d been genuinely happy.

Will’s eyes narrowed. “But?”

“There’s not a but that I’m aware of,” I said, wondering what I was missing.

Sammy scrubbed a hand down his face. “But you’re notwithApril, right? I mean you want her, obviously, but you’re keeping yourself from her. It’s bullshit. Get with her if you have even the slightest hint she wants you back. Seriously, as someone who wasted a shit ton of time with the woman I was in love with, I can say it does no good to wait.”

I exhaled, feeling the point stick in my ribs. “I appreciate the advice. I—” I sighed again. “I do want her. For more than justcandlelit lovemaking, for the record, but it’s fucked up to start something while she’s dealing with all of this, isn’t it?”

This question had been rolling around inside my head for days. Since Monday when I’d had a glimpse of what we could be like, and then got a true look at who April was and everything she’d been through.

Knowing her—the real her, without the bravado and misdirection—was proving to be the most appealing venture I’d ever taken on. And more than that, I needed to know the real April.

Yes, I wanted her physically—and I hoped like hell we’d have time to explore that side of our very new dynamic within days if not hours—but I also wanted toknowhermore. Every glimpse of the woman behind the mask only drew me in more.

In fact, I was getting dangerously close to falling for her, truth be told. I’d never fallen in love, so I couldn’t say how far the ledge was at this point, but it felt like I took a giant step in that direction with every day that passed.

“It depends,” Will said, pulling my attention back to the here and now.

For some stupid reason, my heart rate ticked up. “Depends on what?”

Will’s dark-brown eyes pinned me to my seat. “It depends on her. Definitely not on you.”

I scowled. “I’m not about to push her or some bullshit. You know I’d never do that. I—”

“I’m not talking about you pushing her. I’m talking about you being some noble gentleman who won’t touch her until her problems are tucked into a neat little envelope and shipped off, stamped with your approval, then logged into a damn spreadsheet.”

Will’s serious expression didn’t break, but I’d expected it to. For some reason, I was waiting for the punchline, but when it didn’t come, irritation spiraled through me. “I don’t have to approve. That’s not what this is.”

Will shook his head. “It’s not the approval. It’s that you wouldn’t want to let anything get messy—physically, maybe, but especially emotionally, especially for her. You’re a goddamn saint sometimes, Eric, and I fear you might end up putting her off if you think it’s not the right time.Assumingshe’s giving you the green light, of course.”

For some reason, my throat tightened. “Green light or not, it might not be the right time.”

Sammy dove in this time. “Oh, there’s totally a green light. According to Rachel, anyway. She got thevery clearimpression April’s majorly into you. And if you guys are getting along, we’re just trying to say…”

Jake spoke to finish Sammy’s thought. “We’re saying go for it. It’s okay for you to take a turn being happy. It’s okay to pursue someone for yourself and not just focus on keeping all of us on the straight and narrow.”

I swallowed around the lump in my throat. “I know that.”

Will’s response emerged, quiet—gentle, even. “Do you?”

Clearing my damn throat, I nodded. “I do. I mean, I get that I’ve been living one way and it’s been… fine. Good. But now I can say with clarity I want more. And yeah,fuck it, I want April and I think she wants me, too. But I’m not a casual guy, and she’s—”

“Saywhat?You? Not casual? And here I thought you were a man about town.” Will’s hand on his chest like he’d clutch pearls if they were there made me roll my eyes, but the laughter that followed helped erase some of the tension coursing through me.

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