Page 13 of Loving You

“Shit, Ellie! Warn me next time you’re gonna say something like that,” I cried, dabbing my chin with my napkin and shooting a glare at Kate for pretending to wipe off her arm. “Oh, stop it, I didn’t spray you.”

Kate giggled as I stuck my tongue out at her, but when I turned back to Ellie, my own giggle died as she narrowed her eyes and tilted her head at me. “April… can I ask you a question?”

“Is it about strippers?” I forced another small chuckle out, plastering on a dirty smile and wagging my brows.

I seriously hoped I’d been convincing because I was trying hard as hell not to glance at Rachel to see if she’d outed me to our friends.

She swallowed. “Kinda.”

“Ooh, ask away. I’m well-versed.”Lies.

“Right before I mentioned the strippers, you looked a little… far away.”

It wasn’t a question, but I knew what she was asking, and she wasn’t wrong to wonder why I’d been so quiet this morning. Saturday morning brunch with my girls was my favorite time of the week—not that we did thiseveryweek, but as often as we could.

And today? I’d been forcing my smiles, faking my laughs, and practically choking on myclassically Aprilnaughty jokes.

“Well,” I said, sitting a little straighter in my seat, “if I looked far away before, it totally tracks that I’d be brought back at the first mention of male strippers.”

The girls laughed, and I was relieved when Rachel finally stepped in to save me from the hot seat by turning the subject back to Ellie and Jake’s wedding. I’d caught the brief look she’d given me when Ellie mentioned me being far away, and I’d known she was holding her breath, waiting to see if I’d finally spill my guts.

I could have. I should have. But… well,shit.

I didn’t know how.

Rachel might know a little about what I was going through, but certainly not the whole story. And the April my friends knew and loved wasn’t some paranoid crybaby who tossed and turned all night hoping her crazy ex didn’t break into her family’s B&B and kidnap her.

It was a stretch—even for Cliff, shitty human or not—but at 3 a.m. after barely any sleep? Sue me for being a little melodramatic.

Just then, I looked up, and everything around me went silent. The clinking of silverware at nearby tables. The chatter of the other guests on the B&B’s veranda. Even Ellie’s commentary about how handsome Kate’s teenage son, Jackson, will look in the tux they’d picked out for the groomsmen.

I couldn’t hear anything but the roaring in my ears that’d plagued me when I’d seen Cliff sitting in that coffee shop.

But then, as quickly as it happened, the man who I’d thought was Cliff turned around, and I realized it wasn’t him. Just some poor guy who happened to resemble the world’s douchiest douchebag.

I slumped back in my seat and tried to pay attention to my friends again. They were talking about the cake now? They’d been jumping around to so many different wedding-related things this morning, it was a struggle to keep up, especially when my mind was foggy from worry and lack of sleep.

Tuning them out, my gaze drifted across the expanse of green grass that stretched between the B&B and Walker’s Brewery. My breath hitched when I spotted the area where Sammy had interrupted Cliff’s threats all those months ago, so I looked past it, almost like a moth drawn to a flame.

If the flame represented a feeling of safety, of course, because that was what it felt like when my eyes landed on Walker’s. Like I knew gazing at the side of the charming, rustic brewery would be better than staring at that spot in the grass and reliving that moment.

And then, as if it were fate that’d pulled my attention there at just the right moment, Eric pushed open the back door with Sammy hot on his heels.

You’d be safe with me.

My heart jumped into my throat. The memory of his offer last week. The sincerity and then concern in his deep-brown eyes when he’d presented me the chance to feel safe with him, and I’d shot him down without even thinking about it.

But what was there to think about?

It was sweet—sopainfullysweet—that he’d been worried enough about me to let me stay with him. Even sweeter that he’d suggested installing a security system at my place.

Not that I was currently occupying it, of course.

But the offer to do that made his intentions clear. He wasn’t trying to get me under his roof so he could get in my pants or something. He really did want me to feel safe.

It just wasn’t that easy. I hadn’t felt safe inyears.

Sure, I’d let myself fall into a false sense of security after not hearing from Cliff for years after I’d moved back to Granite Springs from that stint in LA. But truly, when he’d showed and said those horrible things to me not twenty feet from where I sat at this very moment, whatever safety I’d felt went right out the window.

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